stella27

because there were too many kids and she felt like she had to be responsible for me and my children. She felt like I didn't appreciate the dangerousness of the circumstances, and she felt like she couldn't be fully involved with her own family because she was always focused on me and my kids. Which I didn't ask her to do.

It's *her* trip and I am realizing that if she requires us not to be there so that she can "enjoy" it, then that is her decision. And accordingly, I get to make the decision of whether I wish to extend myself to someone who doesn't or can't have a good time when I am around.

stella27

I think this is true. I think she is setting boundaries and starting with me and she happened to pick the one thing I wanted more than anything else and it stings. I don't want to talk to her about it anymore because it's her prerogative to invite us or un-invite us, and even though I don't think my children and I are the actual problem for her, it's not my concern. She gets to make her own decisions and set her own boundaries.

Yes, I am upset about missing the trip and I am disappointed in her and the boundaries she chose to set, but I don't see that I can really discuss it in an adult way that doesn't come from my raw, bleeding hurt, so I think it's best not to talk about. I would just end up saying things I'd regret.

Live

She blame-shifted her problem onto you in an ugly manner and spoke in a demeaning manner to you.
That hurts and it is un-called for.
Neither is it your fault if she doesn't know how to have constructive and hurtless boundaries.
Where in this were your and your children's feelings taken into consideration?
BS.

ItsmeAlice

In time, I believe more will be revealed from her, when she is ready. If it doesn't make any sense to you, there's got to me more that you don't know. From the sound of it, she wants your friendship but can't yet open up as to why this trip is an issue for her.

I have had similar experiences with friends following my separation with my EX. A major one was a falling out with my best friend who had offered her basement for me to live in initially.

I didn't understand all the reasons behind her behavior surrounding my living with her. Something was going on that I just didn't have all the pieces to see clearly. She wanted me there, she wanted me out. She wanted to spend time with me but would become very distant when we were together.

In the end, she chewed me out for not being supportive of her and abruptly kicked me out. In a call shortly after I moved, she said she felt bad and wanted to be friends. I was beyond confused. For me, the friendship had ended.

I have thought of her behavior over the many years we knew each other, and though I can only speculate, I wonder if she had addiction plaguing her, emotional health issues, or some other "life" outside of the one I knew. Some pieces of the puzzle fit, while others still do not.

To be friends with her in the future, I believe she would have to fill in the blanks for me. I can support what she is going through if I know what it is. I tried to be a friend to her and tried to be there for her, but without knowing what the problems were, clearly I fell short.

stella27

Live,
not at all is the answer to whether my children's feelings and mine were taken into account.
thanks.

Live

I believe in "the benefit of the doubt" and I give it to myself first, foremost and always.