kia

Was just sat here wondering is it really bad to be missing him, i mean i dont miss the cr*p that came with him just i suppose i miss the potential of what we could of been if he could of just put that beer can down and then i suppose there was the cheating too which some say is seperate issue im personally dont think he would of done any of that had he been sober i mean who in their right mind would im unique me u just wouldnt ditch me for a tart would u

I gotta go get some treatment for my bones today so am feeling somewhat pensive i suppose and thoughts are popping in there but id never take him back not after that bedroom stuff the fear i felt will never leave me i never want to go through that again id rather be alone for ever than ever be that scared again but still the thoughts pop right back in there and even though im not strictly speaking alone in that there is a new guy im interested in the thoughts still come suppose in time they will die as our relationship has done just wanted to put that into words xxkia

celticghirl

Kia i feel like ive a totally lost someone i loved even though he hit me, forced me to have sex,etc etc..
It is normal (i think) don't feel bad for missing him.

Ghirl xx

kia

he never once hit me scared me yes but never hit me and hes been nice atm too but have told him he needs to work on his own recovery while i work on mine but dont stop me missing him though hard when u love someone so much but strong i have to be right now and stick to my boundaries thanks celtic girl xxxxxkia

whereisthisgoin

Don't you wish the head could take complete control of the heart? Being miserable when you are doing the right thing is such an unusual and melancholy combination.

I hope you can have some smiles today.

tjp613

Well, loving the "potential" in someone is the problem. Keeping it real is the solution. You are not so much missing him as mourning for the dream you once had that is long gone. Moving through those stages of grief and allowing yourself to fully feel the emotions connected with each stage is what will help you to move faster through them. You're doing great by posting about them here--that's a very therapeutic practice. Each day will get a little easier. (((Hugs))))

Tally

They're always nice when they want you back, won't last.

FindingPeace1

I remind myself that what I am missing is just ONE PART of the whole of him.
Kia, your guy was nice sometimes and sucky often (from what you posted). I hear you saying that the alcohol might have made him a big jerk, but it doesn't matter if it was the aliens that made him do it.
You deserve to be treated with respect.
There are men out there that can do that, but you have to give yourself space to meet them.
If you are on the eternal merry go round (I almost typed marry go round - freudian slip!) with him, you'll stay stuck.

Hugs,
Peace

MsPINKAcres

You are entitled to feel your grief and all the emotions that go along with what you are going thru - but to make sure it is valid grief
An exercise that i did was - when I felt that emptiness/loneliness - longing for what I that I was missing - I wrote about it -
what I was really missing -
made myself be brutually honest and then did I really have that WHEN i was with my exAH? was it on a consistant basis? and was I really as Happy as I thought i was?
I journaled all my emotions about how I felt then too.

Helped me keep my imagination in perspective!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

bookwyrm

Kia, what he did isn't a reflection on you. Its a reflection on him. No matter who you are, what you said did etc he is the one who cheated and he is the one who made that decision. Sober or not, he chose to cheat. Beer doesn't excuse it IMHO. Can you tell XAH had an OW??

You deserve to be treated better and I'm so glad you're away from him and working on you!

Midwestman

"Poor is the man whos pleasures depend on the permission of another."

Tally....I like that one

JenT1968

I would suggest that if you are missing the potential person he could have been if he didn't do X, Y, Z, then you aren't missing him, you are missing the imaginary person you hoped he'd turn into.

We are all bursting with potential, I have the potential to become many things: a pilot, an astronaut, a fraudster, a grandmother, an axe murderer, a lover, a fighter. I/he/we have the potential to change in ways that will be worse as well as better. To love/want/miss someone for the person they might become if they change in exactly the ways we want them to has brought me only pain.

Now I am focussing on spending time with people based on who they consistently are right now; and I'm much happier. There are 6 billion people on the planet, I am never going to meet them all, why would I waste my time (and theirs) focussing on one of them and trying to get them to change to become someone else, when there is a whole wide world full to bursting with people?

((kia))

kia

ive had to post this as its what happened last nite i had treatment for my bones and it was double dose i usually had and was quite poorly really and well he phoned me twice to see how i was and well he comforted me when i was really at low ebb and it did seem to be it was completly unselfish cos he mostly asked how i was and said all the right things i mean i know there good at talking the talk but his actions surely spoke alot hes never bothered before when ive been ill and hes not saying he wants back with me that hes working on sorting himself as ive said im working on sorting out me but that touched me abit in a weaker moment i suppose u could say.

He told me hes been referred to a physcolgist to help me (cant spell that lol) and has a social worker too apparently his counsellor is out of her depth tell me about it i was too he has alot of issues so am carrying on with sorting me but felt i had to share it im going to another meeting tonite an extra one hopefully will help me sort my head out xxxkia