barb dwyer

.. hi!

SOmething happened over the holiday
I thought I'd share about here.

When I made up with my sons
(I know that sounds so 'hallmark' but really -
I don't have another way to put it right now)

They immediately
wanted to give my number and everything
to my half sister and brother
and hail hail the gang's all back.

I said nothing doing.

I've had all to do with that family
that I ever will.

SO later, I find out I've a grandaughter,
and my niece was very upset she'd been left out
because (it's true) she spent as much
of her early childhood living with me
as she did at her own home
because of her mother and father's drinking.

SO I relented
and let her 'into the circle'.

SO that makes two sons
a grandaughter ... and my niece.

that's it.

Well -
over the holiday -
neice takes a 'family picture'
at least that's what shesent it to me titled
on fb

I open it -
and there's my sister.

I closed it right away, of course.
You could tell that my sister had been 'in' on the whole
"oh here's a christmas shot of me by the tree'
and had wedged herself into the shot...

but niece sent it anyhow.

The point is -

I closed the photo.
I said nothing about it.
There's this ... hanging pause in the air
around the incident
but I will not back off this one.
Niece hasn't mentioned the thing
neither have I
but I also haven't initiated any further messaging
with niece either.

I don't take that crap off people any more.
And that's that.

I still talk to the sons several times per week
but said nothing to either of them
because they'd go right over there
and report.

that's how my sister works.

so I understand when others here post
about family memebers obliterating boundaries
and just storming on in
uninvited.

We must stay strong
if resilient, but strong and clear just the same
about what we will allow
and no longer allow
in our lives.

I may not have handled it like Jesus would have
but I did manage to handle it.

Myu sioster instigated the whole thing
which I felt was an invasion
of the agreement with my niece
and probably ha my sons in on it as well...

so she tested the waters...

and found them ice cold.

barb dwyer

sorrry for the typos I really need to install that spell check LOL

Freedom1990

I think you handled it great, Barb.

I am all too familiar with family members not respecting boundaries, but as you said, we must stand strong.

PS. I read typo-ese pretty well!

coyote21

My spell check can't even spell, about half the time. Has me looking up crap that IS spelled correctly.

I think you did good.

Oh, and eff her, from me.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

Freedom1990

So eloquent with words, Coyote!

lillamy

Automated spell check is overrated.

I saw a recommendation letter once that had been spellchecked with one of those contraptions. It included the line "Lisa is a fat and accurate typist."

And other than that, I just want to ditto Coyote.

tjp613

Just so I understand... You've 'extracted' your sister from your life (for whatever reason) and have been estranged from her daughter (your niece). Now you've 'made up' with the niece but your upset with her because she sent you a holiday picture that included your sister?

I'm just curious because I'm estranged from my sister and wonder how I'd react in such a case. I've 'extracted' her whole family because it makes everything easier, not because I actually have a grudge against her husband and son.

I had a dream the other night that my sister showed up uninvited and I started running for my life screaming, "Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!" ...and she was running after me trying to "make up" with me! Oh, HELL NO!

barb dwyer

Yes.

It has to do with
(reader's digest version)

the brother and sister
forging documents
when my father died
and stealing my land inheritance.
(i WAS 10 thi swas back in the 60's)

then when my mother died
brother was executor
and mortgaged the house I'd inherited
to buy himself a farm.
spent all the insurance money
leaving me penniless
with ahouse to keep up.
and 20 yrs. old.
Had to get a lawyer to get the property off that one.

Sister, later, was to purchase same house from me
(years later)
so I could move to montana
she defaulted on the loan
and I had to 'hot sell' the house
for the price of the mortgage payoff
I'd taken out in order to move.
So there was no money for me to move.

She also took
heirlooms left to me,
bla bla bla...

so when I moved
i said I'm done with you both.

And I'm sticking to that.

They've gotten...all from me they're ever going to take.

it was like a 'slap' to open a picture
and see HER
instead of who I'd been expecting.

barb dwyer

I'm not enlightened though -
she looked like hell.

teehee.

tjp613

My sister didn't do anything near that bad, but I still don't want her anywhere near me.

Of course she looked like hell! Karma's a bitch!