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StarCat 01-08-2011 01:26 PM

A Message from my PAST Self... "Pain"
I was digging through my old writing notebooks, trying to determine who I used to be and trying to recalibrate myself...
I ran across this, which I wrote when I was a Sophomore in high school... I couldn't help it, I started to cry, it felt like it was written to me, today, even though I was writing it to help me through the pain of watching my grandmother slowly die of Alzheimer's...
I thought I would share it with all of you. Somewhere in this whole struggle, this bright eyed young girl was lost in the rubble, but little by little I'm finding her again.

December 12, 1999
Pain is the little sharp feeling that won't go away, the hurt you feel when you fall down or run into something. But pain doesn't always have to be physical - it can be mental as well. Pain is the knowledge that you have hurt someone, or that someone has betrayed you. Pain is making a mistake - falling into a dark pit - and knowing that you're all alone, without anyone to pull you out. Pain is being yelled at for something you didn't do; pain is being compared to someone you know you'll never be like. And unlike physical pain, there is no asprin for the soul, no operation to set a broken trust, no x-ray to see how bad the damage is. The only reliefs are temporary, and cause more pain when the affects wear off.
But pain can strengthen, as well - scar tissue is stronger after it is healed... if it is allowed to heal. Watching a loved one slip away - into sickness, death, or other harms - is hard on the soul, but if time with them is spent carefully, and the wound is allowed to heal properly, you can offer a shoulder to a friend in similar hardships, and the memories of your loved ones become more precious than diamonds.
Only by seeing death may we experience life fully, only by understanding pain and sadness do we become able to appreciate true joy. And in the midst of our suffering, we can become a beacon of light, joy, hope, and happiness for all to see. All pain and suffering are to some purpose. We need only look for the sun after the storm - the rainbow of promise - the crops that grow strong on the tears of the clouds.

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