lillamy

I think us recovering codies sometimes don't realize how far we've come.

I have a very hard time going back and reading journals, either from my marriage or from the six or so months I've been out of there. It's just too painful to relive yet.

But the other day, I ran across someone that enlightened me on how far I've come.

I came out of a coffee shop and this lady was standing outside with a ragged bag -- possibly homeless, possibly mentally ill -- and she just started YELLING at me. Screaming all kinds of accusations -- I had murdered her cat and put unmentionable bodily substances on her kitchen table and when Frank found out, I would be in a heap of trouble.

It came out of nowhere and unprovoked and as a total surprise, and my reaction was to think to myself, "Wow, that lady is really off her rocker, now, isn't she?" (OK, so not very charitable, I could have called someone or something, but I didn't.)

And then yesterday, RAXH and I got into it over something inconsequential, and he started in on me with accusations of all kinds of things... the kind of behavior that would have had me guilt-ridden and tearful and apologetic and just wanting to make everything alright again just six months ago...

... but my reaction now? Was exactly like my reaction to the old lady. "Wow, he's really off his rocker today, now, isn't he?" and I went on with my day.

Feeling that emotional detachment? Was AWESOME!!! I still get sucked in, I still on autopilot want to fix things for him, but at least now I don't take on his emotions and moods -- I shrug them off. And that's a huge big fat step right there, ladies and gentlemen!

barb dwyer

transformyself

I love reading through my old posts here. It's powerful. We are in our bodies, in our lives each day so it's hard to see the growth. Plus, we like to beat ourselves up.

Good on ya!

Phoenixthebird

lillamy, Boy! Can I relate to your post! When I look backwards to who I used to be and who allowed my dry drunk husband to influence my emotions and moods -- and actions, I have to do it with a sense of humour. Humour is the best medicine. If I don't maintain a sense of humour about my past, I would end up with a lifetime of regrets.

Things that are to painful, I don't try to concentrate on them. I give them to God! If I spend my life regretting things in the past, before I know it... I would have wasted my life on regret. Regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling me in the present. Things don't happen for no reason, they happen to teach me something.

Every new day is another chance to change your life. Believe you can, and you can. Belief is one of the most powerful of all problem dissolvers. When you believe that a difficulty can be overcome, you are more than half way to victory over it already. When you come to the edge of the light that you know, and you are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: there will be something to land on, or you will learn how to fly.

Just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Love and Peace,

Phoenix