SoloMio

One of the insidious facts of living with alcoholism, especially if you've done it all your life, is how it creates a normal for you that is not normal for "normal" people.

What we accept as normal is often unacceptable. Period. But we (I'll say "1") put up with it.

Just yesterday my DS32 came for a visit and when he saw his Dad wasn't around, he said, "yeah, and what was that about with Dad on New Year's?" (DS had hosted a party, and AH had "pregamed" heavily before arriving). "He was so nasty to you when he came in, and he was so wasted a couple of my friends left early. Geez!"

What was truly frightening was that my first thought was, "Gee, I didn't think he was THAT bad. At least he didn't pass out. That verbal abuse is just par for the course and it went in one ear and out the other... and as for the friends leaving early--I thought they wanted to get back to their kids."

Can you imagine??? My perspective was so warped that I saw nothing out of the norm in my AH behavior!! It was a pain, sure, but it was just business as usual. To be honest, when my kids were in their early 20s, they loved to have AH at tailgates and other parties. He was like the biggest frat boy you could imagine and they loved him for it-but now all my kids and their friends are out-maturing him.

I sometimes wonder what my "normal" neighbors like Shelly Cohen (name changed) would do in certain situations, and I'm sure it's different from what I've had a history of doing. So I think, maybe to teach me "New Normal" I should wear a bracelet that says "WWSCD"?

Or, INSIGHT FLASH!! (sarcasm intended), maybe I should just get back to Alanon. There's a meeting tonight in my area at 8:30. I need to go.

naive

i hear you, solomio...

a trick that i learned here at SR is to flip the conversation about...as in, pretend you say to him what he says to you...pretty eye opening...you'll quickly realize the put-downs, the sarcasm, the boring drivel, the moaning, the manipulation...

i've tried this trick recently in my head when i am out with some toxic friends...i realized there is no way i would ever say any of those things to them, as they were just downright mean....hmmm...wonder why i put up with it...

no more!

lillamy

What's also interesting is how you immediately jumped to his defense in your head. I did something similar this week when RAXH was making an a$$ out of himself -- I stepped in and defended him. *banging head against wall*

Realizing that the "normal" inside an alcoholic marriage isn't normal is a huge step, though. Realizing that the behavior of an alcoholic isn't normal makes it easier to disconnect from it.

barb dwyer

heh. Im still trying to figure out what wwwscd is....

SoloMio

A take off on the WWJD {what would Jesus do?}--some people wear bracelets with those initials inscribed on it.

So this would be "What would Sherry Cohen (my "normal" neighbor) do?"

Get it? :-) (can't get the smiley's to work in Safari)

barb dwyer

OOOHHHHhhhhh.... lol

ok. I get it!

thanks!

I would have sucked had I gone into the army.

I simply can NOT think in letter-for-words.

Jadmack25

Towards the end of what had mostly been a wonderful marriage, til last 5 years, I figured a good night out for us, was one where my now late XAH didn't heave red wine all over himself and the bed, and actually used the toilet.

My God, what was I thinking back then?