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accountability...and actions

Old 01-04-2011, 05:18 PM
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accountability...and actions

So, maybe ah is 'somewhat' admitting that he has a problem. But now...his big thing is how can you blame me for what happened it if is a disease. He said you can't blame me for ruining our marriage if I didn't know I was doing. THen he said something about how you can blame someone who is mentally challenged for being mentally challenged....it's the same thing. OK...so I know this is ridiculous....It is a disease I know, but this is not his first or second go around w/ this. I still believe he is accountable for what he has done.....I need a little reassurance that I am correct in this thinking??
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Old 01-04-2011, 05:30 PM
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He is accountable!!!

If someone with Diabetes was eating a pounds of sugar everyday and slowly killing themselves they would be held accountable by their family never mind health insurance companies. This is how I look at it anyway and it is a similar reaction. Their brains react to the alcohol or drug in a negative way the same as a diabetic reacts to sugar. When you see a diabetic eating sugary food are you going to say you poor soul no you say WTH are you thinking.
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Old 01-04-2011, 05:58 PM
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IMHO, alcoholics are responsible for NOT taking the first drink on any given day.

He is quacking. Period.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 01-04-2011, 06:17 PM
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Exactly.

Just like a diabetic, but also like somebody who can't swim being unable to accept that and jumping in the deep end of the pool. It's not the water that's drowning them, it's the decision to jump in the pool.

Just because other people can swim doesn't mean you can. Just because other people can drink doesn't mean you can. Yes, it's not fair.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak


Originally Posted by lc1972 View Post
He is accountable!!!

If someone with Diabetes was eating a pounds of sugar everyday and slowly killing themselves they would be held accountable by their family never mind health insurance companies. This is how I look at it anyway and it is a similar reaction. Their brains react to the alcohol or drug in a negative way the same as a diabetic reacts to sugar. When you see a diabetic eating sugary food are you going to say you poor soul no you say WTH are you thinking.
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Old 01-04-2011, 06:42 PM
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Here's the thing, Moni. People with healthy minds do not THINK this way. They don't think in terms of blame. Who to blame, when to blame, how can you blame? They just don't blame. Because it's not necessary. Alcoholics? Blame blame blame. People close to alcoholics? Same thing. Don't get sucked into his alcoholic thinking. You are trying to have a rational conversation with an irrational thinker. You are not even in the same universe. Stop having the conversation with him because you are doubting what you know. Those questions are for him to take elsewhere (preferably AA). And you working on your own recovery in AlAnon will strengthen your ability to weather this kind of thing from him.
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Old 01-04-2011, 07:41 PM
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I agree with you. I believe that alcoholics are responsible for their behavior.

When one chooses to drink and drive he is responsible for the consequences of that choice.

When someone chooses to drink and throws away relationships with spouses, old friends and adult children, he is responsible for those choices.

Here's something that took me many years to realize. When I tried talking with my AH, I failed miserably over and over again because I didn't understand that I was talking to a stranger with a compromised brain. The person I used to know was gone. This was true even at those times he appeared to be sober because his "Boozy-out-of- whack" thinking took over much of his life.
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Old 01-04-2011, 09:39 PM
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FreeingMyself, your AH is definitely putting his own spin on the disease of alcoholism. Although AA views discussions on the medical nature of alcoholism as beyond its scope, AA is regarded as a proponent and popularizer of the disease theory of alcoholism. The American Psychiatric Association has recommended sustained treatment in conjunction with AA's program, or similar community resources, for chronic alcoholics unresponsive to brief treatment.

It is obvious that your AH is not working the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.Copyright  A.A. World Services, Inc.
Rev.5/

Just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Love and Peace,

Phoenix

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