I am so worried!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 52
Hi,
It's similar to what I'm going through with my Mum, although we have got to the point where my Mum binges now rather than constant (after 5 years sober annoyingly)
Anyway this is how I deal with it - I say to my Mum you are drinking I will not speak to you while you are drinking, then I put the phone down, if she rings I delete the voice mails, then after a few weeks when she is done I'll get a text from her saying can she speak to me - you can tell if she is sober or not from the text. Then its back to normal after that!
Before when she was drinking everyday my sister and I moved away and it took 2 bouts of rehab, the first one was bad because it was in a hopsital with a lady next to her who was yellow from liver damage, that shocked her, but she was only in for 2 days. The nixt time she went into - I don't want to call it an asylum, but thats what it was, it was full of alcoholics, drug addicts, suicide risks and people who cried all night, she was there for 3 weeks, her hair was really greasy and her skin was coming off in clumps and it shocked her that much she stopped drinking (for a while at least)
We got her into hospital as the first time she took an overdose on pain killers, and then the second time my sister managed to talk her into seeing the doctor - she was ready to give up at this point, she had put her hand through a window and really hurt herself and fell in a car park and was covered in bruises, I think she was really low at this point. Her doctor refferred her to councelling through the NHS, then they refferred her to the rehab clinic in Chelmsford - I'm not sure if its there anymore, but if you are close by I can ask my Sister for the name of it.
Ultimately though with my Mum she has to hit rock bottom before she will get better, and you can't talk her out of not drinking - she will drink cause she wants to, so for me the best thing to do is just distance myself, you will do nothing but worry but it's better for you in the long term.
Hope this helps
x x x x
It's similar to what I'm going through with my Mum, although we have got to the point where my Mum binges now rather than constant (after 5 years sober annoyingly)
Anyway this is how I deal with it - I say to my Mum you are drinking I will not speak to you while you are drinking, then I put the phone down, if she rings I delete the voice mails, then after a few weeks when she is done I'll get a text from her saying can she speak to me - you can tell if she is sober or not from the text. Then its back to normal after that!
Before when she was drinking everyday my sister and I moved away and it took 2 bouts of rehab, the first one was bad because it was in a hopsital with a lady next to her who was yellow from liver damage, that shocked her, but she was only in for 2 days. The nixt time she went into - I don't want to call it an asylum, but thats what it was, it was full of alcoholics, drug addicts, suicide risks and people who cried all night, she was there for 3 weeks, her hair was really greasy and her skin was coming off in clumps and it shocked her that much she stopped drinking (for a while at least)
We got her into hospital as the first time she took an overdose on pain killers, and then the second time my sister managed to talk her into seeing the doctor - she was ready to give up at this point, she had put her hand through a window and really hurt herself and fell in a car park and was covered in bruises, I think she was really low at this point. Her doctor refferred her to councelling through the NHS, then they refferred her to the rehab clinic in Chelmsford - I'm not sure if its there anymore, but if you are close by I can ask my Sister for the name of it.
Ultimately though with my Mum she has to hit rock bottom before she will get better, and you can't talk her out of not drinking - she will drink cause she wants to, so for me the best thing to do is just distance myself, you will do nothing but worry but it's better for you in the long term.
Hope this helps
x x x x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: England
Posts: 17
Thanks Chimmy for sharing your experience with me as I really feel like when all this is happening to me I am the only one in this situation, this is her third hospitalisation now due to drink! (hoping we don't get a bill either!).
I was so mad in the hospital last night when she was all sarcastic with the poor docs/nurses that where trying to help her & lying to the questions they where asking her about how much she drinks & sleeps etc.
My Aunt is visiting her this afternoon and going to report back then I have to decide If I am going to go to tonight's visiting session.
I find it so frustrating that I have to leave the house the minute my hubby gets in from work and thrust my son at him then spend the night at hospital getting back late (when son in bed) to be with someone who doesn't care about themself, my sympathy is at rock bottom for her now and I know she picked up on it last night!
I was so mad in the hospital last night when she was all sarcastic with the poor docs/nurses that where trying to help her & lying to the questions they where asking her about how much she drinks & sleeps etc.
My Aunt is visiting her this afternoon and going to report back then I have to decide If I am going to go to tonight's visiting session.
I find it so frustrating that I have to leave the house the minute my hubby gets in from work and thrust my son at him then spend the night at hospital getting back late (when son in bed) to be with someone who doesn't care about themself, my sympathy is at rock bottom for her now and I know she picked up on it last night!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: England
Posts: 17
A Message for N- Turn
N- TURN!!!!!
Thanks for your personal message, I drafted you a response but then it said I couldn't yet send one back to you as I haven't posted enough yet (with me been new!). You can catch up with what's going on with me now I suppose from my posts. Hope you are well?
P.s I think I had to post 12 times and I have only posted 6 so should be able to PM soon!:0)
Thanks for your personal message, I drafted you a response but then it said I couldn't yet send one back to you as I haven't posted enough yet (with me been new!). You can catch up with what's going on with me now I suppose from my posts. Hope you are well?
P.s I think I had to post 12 times and I have only posted 6 so should be able to PM soon!:0)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by BookLover1978 
Thanks Chimmy for sharing your experience with me as I really feel like when all this is happening to me I am the only one in this situation, this is her third hospitalisation now due to drink! (hoping we don't get a bill either!).
I was so mad in the hospital last night when she was all sarcastic with the poor docs/nurses that where trying to help her & lying to the questions they where asking her about how much she drinks & sleeps etc.
My Aunt is visiting her this afternoon and going to report back then I have to decide If I am going to go to tonight's visiting session.
I find it so frustrating that I have to leave the house the minute my hubby gets in from work and thrust my son at him then spend the night at hospital getting back late (when son in bed) to be with someone who doesn't care about themself, my sympathy is at rock bottom for her now and I know she picked up on it last night!
I was so mad in the hospital last night when she was all sarcastic with the poor docs/nurses that where trying to help her & lying to the questions they where asking her about how much she drinks & sleeps etc.
My Aunt is visiting her this afternoon and going to report back then I have to decide If I am going to go to tonight's visiting session.
I find it so frustrating that I have to leave the house the minute my hubby gets in from work and thrust my son at him then spend the night at hospital getting back late (when son in bed) to be with someone who doesn't care about themself, my sympathy is at rock bottom for her now and I know she picked up on it last night!
My Mum would lie if anyone asked her how much she drank - she still does, I think its mainly due to embarrassment etc.
At the end of the day the most important thing is you and your son, if you get a chance google 'enabling behaviour' I did about 90% of what was on the list, now I just stay away for my own sanity!
If you need a chat or anything just PM me x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: England
Posts: 17
CHIMMY- Thanks for your reply I looked up 'enabling behaviour' and it really made me think!. Also thanks for the offer of support (via PM) it means a lot! :0).
EVERYONE-I didn't go last night to visit Mum in hospital, I figured I needed a bit of time to cool down so I helped my Dad instead with some paperwork he urgently needed help doing (at least he was very grateful for the help! lol!).
I'm not visiting Mum tonight either as I have no childcare but think another night away will do me good.
My Aunt went to both visits yesterday as she was worried no-one would go (and she left work early) but I think that could probably do Mum some good to wonder why no-one from her large family is there? (tough love!).
It is hard when you go and leave your own family to visit her and she's nasty with the staff, sarcastic, boasting about how much weight she's lost when she was weighed & showing no remorse whatsoever to family or medical staff who tell her how close she came to death!.
Doc has said she will initially need 24hr care when released home in case of seizures so I'm not sure how we are all going to do that as we all have lives, partners, jobs & kids and its frustrating she has put us all in this situation so we are having a big family meeting to discuss it together, air views and come up with some plans to share responsibility.
I know she has to hit her personal rock bottom to want to come back up but how can a doc thumping your chest to get you breathing again from a seizure & almost dying not be anyones rock bottom? tut!
EVERYONE-I didn't go last night to visit Mum in hospital, I figured I needed a bit of time to cool down so I helped my Dad instead with some paperwork he urgently needed help doing (at least he was very grateful for the help! lol!).
I'm not visiting Mum tonight either as I have no childcare but think another night away will do me good.
My Aunt went to both visits yesterday as she was worried no-one would go (and she left work early) but I think that could probably do Mum some good to wonder why no-one from her large family is there? (tough love!).
It is hard when you go and leave your own family to visit her and she's nasty with the staff, sarcastic, boasting about how much weight she's lost when she was weighed & showing no remorse whatsoever to family or medical staff who tell her how close she came to death!.
Doc has said she will initially need 24hr care when released home in case of seizures so I'm not sure how we are all going to do that as we all have lives, partners, jobs & kids and its frustrating she has put us all in this situation so we are having a big family meeting to discuss it together, air views and come up with some plans to share responsibility.
I know she has to hit her personal rock bottom to want to come back up but how can a doc thumping your chest to get you breathing again from a seizure & almost dying not be anyones rock bottom? tut!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: England
Posts: 17
Update
Mums now been released out of hospital yesterday afternoon after refusing all help offered to her from the NHS and has even refused home help while she settles back in her own home and gets use to the new medication she will now be on for life because of drinking (seizure/epilepsy).
That tells me that she is still in denial and not ready to stop if she has turned all that down. My Aunt left her left her last night and it wouldn't surprise me if the minute she went Mum went and bought drink (even though she has been warned about the risk of drinking on the new medication).
I got a message last night that the family think we should all rally round and support her by calling and popping in daily etc but I'm mad!she obviously does not want to stop yet or think she has a problem. I will support her 100% and give her all my energy but only the day she tells me " I did to quit".
That tells me that she is still in denial and not ready to stop if she has turned all that down. My Aunt left her left her last night and it wouldn't surprise me if the minute she went Mum went and bought drink (even though she has been warned about the risk of drinking on the new medication).
I got a message last night that the family think we should all rally round and support her by calling and popping in daily etc but I'm mad!she obviously does not want to stop yet or think she has a problem. I will support her 100% and give her all my energy but only the day she tells me " I did to quit".
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: England
Posts: 17
Update
Mums now been released out of hospital yesterday afternoon after refusing all help offered to her from the NHS and has even refused home help while she settles back in her own home and gets use to the new medication she will now be on for life because of drinking (seizure/epilepsy).
That tells me that she is still in denial and not ready to stop if she has turned all that down. My Aunt left her left her last night and it wouldn't surprise me if the minute she went Mum went and bought drink (even though she has been warned about the risk of drinking on the new medication).
I got a message last night that the family think we should all rally round and support her by calling and popping in daily etc but I'm mad!she obviously does not want to stop yet or think she has a problem. I will support her 100% and give her all my energy but only the day she tells me " I did to quit".
That tells me that she is still in denial and not ready to stop if she has turned all that down. My Aunt left her left her last night and it wouldn't surprise me if the minute she went Mum went and bought drink (even though she has been warned about the risk of drinking on the new medication).
I got a message last night that the family think we should all rally round and support her by calling and popping in daily etc but I'm mad!she obviously does not want to stop yet or think she has a problem. I will support her 100% and give her all my energy but only the day she tells me " I did to quit".
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