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I had gone to therapy for a while to learn how to let go of the anger and learn how to detach. At first I was reluctant to "Detach". I thought how can I not help him.. Part of the reason the problem has reached this point is that everyone in his family just turned a blind eye and didn't want to talk about the dirty little secret. But as time went on I learned that the detachment was actually about not letting my *AH* take me on the emotional rollercoaster ride. So what I had to do was stop looking for the beer cans, stop trying to make him get help and instead learn how to "breathe". What is the point of looking for the cans when deep down you know they are there.. Why accept the responsiblity of making him change? You can't do it and it isn't your responsibility.. Everyone is responsible for making the choice for themselves as to how much they can live with and how they want to live their life. Once you are able to do that detachment it seems that you can start to breath.. stop holding your breath.. no more tippy toeying around the *A*.. so these are the things I have been trying to do.. I don't do it 100% still.. but when I do, I feel much calmer inside.