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Should I disown my son?

Old 01-02-2011, 08:15 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I've tried so hard to give him the help he needs.
I want to stop him from hurting others.
When he has been in jail I feel relieved that at least he is not stealing and hurting others.


I totally, totally get it.
We are all here because we are driven to seek help from our addicts and/or we want to help them.
I totally get it.
Consider picking up a copy of Melody Beattie's Codependent No More.
She talks to those that are involved with addicts and speaks directly to our desires to help and fix them.
In a nutshell, not only can we not fix someone else, but it hurts US when we try.
We, as codependents, end up giving large swathes of our life over to helping, worrying, feeling frustrated, hurt, scared, confused, angry, trying to fix, trying to change them, trying to get them to see the light...
and not so much time checking in with ourselves, finding out what we need, taking care of ourselves, setting boundaries so we are not taken advantage of, walking away from unhappy or even dangerous situations, and bring joy into our own lives.
Recovery from codependency is the process of taking our lives back.
Allowing our addict friend/partner/child/lover to make their own choices (even if they look like hellish choices to us) and creating a life that we love whether or not they crash and burn.

Alanon is a slow process, but stick with it.

Peace
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keepinon (01-03-2011)
Old 09-02-2012, 06:58 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Unhappy I Understand Where You Are Coming From

I understand where you are coming from. My son is 18 and he hates me. He has had a drug and alcohol problem since the age of 11 and due to that he dropped out of school before achieving his grade 10. He has stolen from me, intentionally damaged property, consistently lied to me and other people and makes up stories portraying me as some kind of beast in order to try and justify his behavior. The people I've met who know him say, "Wow! You're not the monster your son makes you out to be." He has ended up on the street because he consistently violates boundaries everywhere he goes or tries to live. He will con me into letting him come home and stay with me and then does things like punch holes in walls, steal from me, etc. When he is out of my home, I am constantly worried for his safety and well-being. When he is in my home, I know he is safe but he displays zero respect for me or the home. I have gotten to the point where I cannot allow him to live with me anymore. I will be there for him if he comes to me for help of course, but there is the part of me that wants to cut him out of my life completely because this is so painful and confusing to deal with.
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Old 09-02-2012, 07:17 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I have nothing to add, but a big Welcome! and lots of hugs. SR is a great place with great people.
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Learn2Live (09-02-2012)
Old 09-02-2012, 07:19 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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(((Amber))) - Welcome to SR, though sorry for what has brought you here. This thread is over a year old (don't worry, I posted on old threads when I was new), but I'm glad you've found us. You may want to start your own thread as more people will see it.

I'm glad you're son is not living with you, but I'm sure it is painful and confusing. You're not alone and we are here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Learn2Live (09-02-2012)
Old 09-02-2012, 07:21 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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