NTurn

Hi everyone today is not a good day, not the start I had planned for New Year. My sister is still drinking after all the promises for new year, lies lies and more lies. Feeling lost as to what to do next, do I stay away and leave her to drink herself into a coma or do I step in ( as ususal ) and try to help. Thats normally what happens but I set boundaries and a fat lot of good that did. She just wont try!! Then when she sees me I get the tears and self pity. I have had enough and told her I want no part of it I cant do anymore then I have already done the rest is up to her. She depends on falling back on me as she has told me often enough... this time its not going to happen...why do i feel so guilty though???
Struggling here I dont know what to do for the best, do i go see her? though cant handle her when shes off her head on vodka but I care about her well being. I told her I was not going to be around her if shes drinking and she made a choice so I guess I stay put and just hope she doesnt do anything drastic. Can anyone advise???

bookwyrm

Boundaries are there for you - they're not there to help control someone else. I found that they worked best for me when I used them to make my life better for me. You're doing the right thing by staying put and protecting yourself from the alcoholic chaos. Your sister is a grown up who can fend for herself. Let her be a grown up, don't baby her. You know what will happen if you cave in and go see her - nothing changes if nothing changes.

Be kind to yourself - treat yourself to something nice as a reward for trying to change your codie habits. The guilt you feel will pass. Doing something differently always feels a bit off at first till you get used to it. Distract yourself with something: A book, a DVD, a call to friends. Have you read through the sticky posts at the top of the Friends n Family forum? There is a lot of information and experience there that I found really useful. The focus here is on YOU. Only you can make a better New Year for you!
:ghug3

Learn2Live

Hi NTurn. What is the healthiest thing for you to do for your self regarding this situation? What can you control and what can you not control? Does dealing with your sister result in your own peace and serenity? Or chaos and turmoil? These are things to answer for yourself to gain perspective on the situation, bring the focus back to your self, and make the best decision for you.

Thumper

Can't add to Bookwyrm's great post really just wanted to send you some support and let you know you are doing the right thing.

NTurn

Thank you Bookwyrm..I am trying so hard not to think of her.. Habbits have been formed over the years and I know shes dependant on me to calm her I just cant do it anymore Im at the end of my rope>>very upset feeling like Im going to go out of my mind with worry. I understand what you say about the boundaries I just thought as I have never set them before it may make her think twice, knowing she will no longer have me to fall back on. I am going to stick to them

NTurn

Chaos & turmoil ...hurt & pain..lack of sleep & concentration / Maybe its a twin thing we are too close and thats what makes this so hard. She is surely going to kill herself

bookwyrm

Good for you! I hope you can find some way to start detaching from the worry. Easier said than done I know!