Trying not to be too p*ssed of at my friend
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by Learn2Live 
Thanks Lulu/Eva. It sounds to me like your larger issue has less to do with this woman and more to do with the opportunities available to you in your community. I guess moving is out of the question? One idea: I took some classes at the local community college and met lots of single people there.
(((hugs)))
(((hugs)))
I have thought about moving. I would actually like to move. Last year I was seriously thinking about it but I had so much going on I told myself to slow down.
For me to move I have to sell my home and buy another one. In this economy that might be really tough for me. Plus, I have such a great tenant now and financially its easy living in my home so I am not sure its worth the stress of moving. Especially because I am not even sure where to move to where there are more social opportunties.
I have looked into the classes. The issue is I wont make it back from work on time to make them. And being that I just started a new job I cant really make any demands about my time just yet. But its a possibility for one day.
There is an all woman's gym that I was thinking of trying for a couple months just to see how I do.
Last night I was corresponding with a guy who is just a friend and he was going to dinner but said he was up to hanging out and would txt me. Never happened. Maybe its just the people around here. I live very near the metropolitan area so people tend to mind their own business and life. Even my alanon mtgs arent that friendly. I have gone to at least 5 different ones around my area.
Hugs
Eva
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I understand about wanting to move but there being a lot of reasons not to. I am going thru the same sort of thing here. I hope the social prospects get better for you. Meantime, use this friendship as an opportunity to practice new ways of relating to others 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by posiesperson
Hi there Eva,
I read your post last night but needed to spend some time before responding. This issue hits close to home for me, I totally get it. In fact, I may post a thread about it so I don't hijack yours. Excellent topic though, thanks for bringing it up.
I hear you about wanting to be with people who are single and close to your age. I like L2L's suggestion about classes. Are there other Alanon groups you could go to, even if you have to travel?
My empathies with you, I know it's not easy, and you've been through so much this year. Us single gals have to stick together...I hope you'll keep coming back and remember, you are worth the most amazing friendships. And, and perhaps most importantly, you are the very best friend you could have for yourself. I'm trying to make my relationship with myself a priority, right after my relationship with my HP (who will never abandon us, even if we abandon ourselves).
Hugs!
posie
I read your post last night but needed to spend some time before responding. This issue hits close to home for me, I totally get it. In fact, I may post a thread about it so I don't hijack yours.
Excellent topic though, thanks for bringing it up.I hear you about wanting to be with people who are single and close to your age. I like L2L's suggestion about classes. Are there other Alanon groups you could go to, even if you have to travel?
My empathies with you, I know it's not easy, and you've been through so much this year. Us single gals have to stick together...I hope you'll keep coming back and remember, you are worth the most amazing friendships. And, and perhaps most importantly, you are the very best friend you could have for yourself. I'm trying to make my relationship with myself a priority, right after my relationship with my HP (who will never abandon us, even if we abandon ourselves).
Hugs!
posie
Thank you (((Posie)))
Its nice to know people understand. I keep thinking that it will magically happen but it doesnt. And truthfully I am lucky in the friendships I do have. I have a few amazing friends and they do make time for me but they happen to be married with little kids and so its tough to socialize on a regular basis.
I am going to go ahead and join the woman's gym. I am going to go next weekend and sign up. I can do a month to month membership to try it.
But yes. My relationship with myself and my HP needs some work too. I have to trust my HP will help me with my struggles and present some solutions. I guess let go and let God for now.
I will keep you posted
Hugs!
Eva
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I got to a place in my recovery that
I realized I'd sought
in a friendship
what I'd sought
in a man-relationship as well.
And most of what I called my 'friends'
were as unavailable (unless they saw a profit in me)
as any man I'd been with.
Realizing that made me go even further back
and find out where that belief
came from.
How did I come to think
that someone who regarded
me as an incidental...
where did I learn that that was lovfe?
I think you're just at anther part of your recovery.
I can't say whether you should
do anything in particular,
for me it took no more
than realizing where it came from
to sort things out.
Realizing there is such a thing as a boundary
and then realizing you have the right to set them
are often connected
but not the same thing.
It takes two different mindsets.
I think this is a thought provoking thread.
I realized I'd sought
in a friendship
what I'd sought
in a man-relationship as well.
And most of what I called my 'friends'
were as unavailable (unless they saw a profit in me)
as any man I'd been with.
Realizing that made me go even further back
and find out where that belief
came from.
How did I come to think
that someone who regarded
me as an incidental...
where did I learn that that was lovfe?
I think you're just at anther part of your recovery.
I can't say whether you should
do anything in particular,
for me it took no more
than realizing where it came from
to sort things out.
Realizing there is such a thing as a boundary
and then realizing you have the right to set them
are often connected
but not the same thing.
It takes two different mindsets.
I think this is a thought provoking thread.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thanks for this thread.
I recently was "betrayed" by a new "friend". Many other people and my therapist made me realize I fell for it 100% - trusted someone when I didn't really knew her intentions.
Lulu what about taking yoga lessons or going to spiritual retreats? or taking healthy cooking lessons... ? I am finding out I really like to hang out with spiritual people and the more I do those activities the more chances to make real friends. Any sport really is bound to have many interesting people interested in their health.
Keep your heart open and keep investing on your well being. Then life will take you places and will bring you the friends you seek. That has been happening with me for the last couple of weeks.
Deep down you have to be open to receive, to receive real friendships and welcome good people in your life. Remember that all you seek is already within you, become your own best company first
I recently was "betrayed" by a new "friend". Many other people and my therapist made me realize I fell for it 100% - trusted someone when I didn't really knew her intentions.
Lulu what about taking yoga lessons or going to spiritual retreats? or taking healthy cooking lessons... ? I am finding out I really like to hang out with spiritual people and the more I do those activities the more chances to make real friends. Any sport really is bound to have many interesting people interested in their health.
Keep your heart open and keep investing on your well being. Then life will take you places and will bring you the friends you seek. That has been happening with me for the last couple of weeks.
Deep down you have to be open to receive, to receive real friendships and welcome good people in your life. Remember that all you seek is already within you, become your own best company first
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