Gaaaaaaaaah
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Learn,:ghug3 you made me cry, but only with your last 2 posts. I needed to hear everything you wrote. Everything. Especially the wishing we all lived closer together. 
I am incredibly mad at myself. Not any one else (well except, maybe XAH and GF). Not hurt by any one here at SR.
I don't have a home group for AlAnon. I've been bouncing around trying to fit in meetings when I can actually take lunch, or find some one to watch DS. None of the groups here have child care available. Now that GF is actually making sure DS is picked up for visits, maybe I can make the Sunday morning meeting regularly. I do make group meetings at the local shelter every week.
Checking in with my feelings... I'm slowly working through 'I Can't Get Over It'. Oddly enough, I just got to the exercise to identify and write down what I feel and think every couple hours (and determining whether they are actually thoughts or feelings). I completely suck at it right now.
LaTeeDa, thank you for pointing out that I do not have to let go of my fear - that I should listen to it. That it does serve a useful purpose, but doesn't need to control my entire life. I will need to figure to out what will help me feel safe.
Have I said lately I love you guys? As always, so much to think about.
I am incredibly mad at myself. Not any one else (well except, maybe XAH and GF). Not hurt by any one here at SR.
I don't have a home group for AlAnon. I've been bouncing around trying to fit in meetings when I can actually take lunch, or find some one to watch DS. None of the groups here have child care available. Now that GF is actually making sure DS is picked up for visits, maybe I can make the Sunday morning meeting regularly. I do make group meetings at the local shelter every week.
Checking in with my feelings... I'm slowly working through 'I Can't Get Over It'. Oddly enough, I just got to the exercise to identify and write down what I feel and think every couple hours (and determining whether they are actually thoughts or feelings). I completely suck at it right now.
LaTeeDa, thank you for pointing out that I do not have to let go of my fear - that I should listen to it. That it does serve a useful purpose, but doesn't need to control my entire life. I will need to figure to out what will help me feel safe.
Have I said lately I love you guys? As always, so much to think about.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Just dropped back in
to see how things are going....
Awww. (((hug))) it feels so good to do something right LOL
Probably because far too many psychiatrists aren't on the inside ... looking out.
to see how things are going....
Thank you, Barb, for the simple explanation that makes a lot more sense than when the psychiatrist tries to explain what's going on.
Probably because far too many psychiatrists aren't on the inside ... looking out.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I love we guys too theuncertainty! :ghug3 We are so blessed (yes, I still have a hard time saying that word, but I am going to use that term instead of "fortunate") to have eachother and this forum to support one another.
Girl, cut out being negative (mad) with yourself. You are doing GREAT!!! This is all just practice! Keep looking forward. Look at the good. Write out all the positives about yourself. Don't get down on you, you are living through an incredibly stressful situation. Give yourself credit. This is why we have to have friends to do stupid things and laugh with (though I am very guilty of staying by myself WAY too much). We need other people to hold us up during these trying times. Those two freaks are just bad influences in your life.
Here's something I copied and hung up on my wall. It's from motivational speaker Brian Tracy (I love that guy!) I read it every morning to remind myself of this rule:
Get Around the Right People
Make it a habit to associate only with the kind of people that you like, admire, respect, and want to be like. Do not drink coffee with the person who happens to be sitting in the breakroom. Do not go out to lunch with the person who happens to be near the door. Do not socialize after work with just anyone who invites you. Be very conscientious and clear about the kind of people you are going to allow to influence your thinking and feelings with their conversations and opinions.
To me, this is all about discernment and boundaries, like Transformy's post was talking about. (((hugs))) You're doing great!
Girl, cut out being negative (mad) with yourself. You are doing GREAT!!! This is all just practice! Keep looking forward. Look at the good. Write out all the positives about yourself. Don't get down on you, you are living through an incredibly stressful situation. Give yourself credit. This is why we have to have friends to do stupid things and laugh with (though I am very guilty of staying by myself WAY too much). We need other people to hold us up during these trying times. Those two freaks are just bad influences in your life.
Here's something I copied and hung up on my wall. It's from motivational speaker Brian Tracy (I love that guy!) I read it every morning to remind myself of this rule:
Get Around the Right People
Make it a habit to associate only with the kind of people that you like, admire, respect, and want to be like. Do not drink coffee with the person who happens to be sitting in the breakroom. Do not go out to lunch with the person who happens to be near the door. Do not socialize after work with just anyone who invites you. Be very conscientious and clear about the kind of people you are going to allow to influence your thinking and feelings with their conversations and opinions.
To me, this is all about discernment and boundaries, like Transformy's post was talking about. (((hugs))) You're doing great!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Oh my dear, no wonder you are going up the wall with all sorts of emotions whizzing around you.
Yes, listen to any fears, and see if they REALLY are valid, or past fears carried forward, and if valid, look at possible ways around that fear. Sometimes just a small change can nullify something you fear COULD happen.
As for Miss Bl**dy Wonderful, strong GF, who is sure that HER love and support has turned your moronic troglodyte into Mr Perfect almost overnight.........I fear her original rose coloured glasses have turned into blinkers.
Don't even think about you wishing he does to her, what he has done to you....because the odds are 1000/1 on, that at some stage, this will happen.
Quote from you: (((That she would never allow him to treat her like I say he treated me because she was raised to be strong and smart.)))
Sorry honey, but I had to laugh at that for a couple of reasons.
1. Does that mean he only hassles and abuses people he considers weak?
Doesn't that make him just a rotten coward, and who wants a coward in their life?
Obviously she does.
2. He is an A, a stupid, abusive and controlling A, and you walked away from him, to make a new life for you and DS.
Meanwhile she is now with him, doing everything for him, supervising him with his own child, scheduling his appointments...changing his diaper.....and she thinks he is totally changed.
WHO is the STRONG and SMART woman here, and who is the one with THE problem.
Don't give in to despair, as these dark times do finally pass, and when you have concentrated on you and your needs for a while longer, it will be the life you want.
At least you won't be in the area when the brown yucky stuff hits the fan, and someone's blinkers fall off.
Take care, and put yourself first for now.
Yes, listen to any fears, and see if they REALLY are valid, or past fears carried forward, and if valid, look at possible ways around that fear. Sometimes just a small change can nullify something you fear COULD happen.
As for Miss Bl**dy Wonderful, strong GF, who is sure that HER love and support has turned your moronic troglodyte into Mr Perfect almost overnight.........I fear her original rose coloured glasses have turned into blinkers.
Don't even think about you wishing he does to her, what he has done to you....because the odds are 1000/1 on, that at some stage, this will happen.
Quote from you: (((That she would never allow him to treat her like I say he treated me because she was raised to be strong and smart.)))
Sorry honey, but I had to laugh at that for a couple of reasons.
1. Does that mean he only hassles and abuses people he considers weak?
Doesn't that make him just a rotten coward, and who wants a coward in their life?
Obviously she does.
2. He is an A, a stupid, abusive and controlling A, and you walked away from him, to make a new life for you and DS.
Meanwhile she is now with him, doing everything for him, supervising him with his own child, scheduling his appointments...changing his diaper.....and she thinks he is totally changed.
WHO is the STRONG and SMART woman here, and who is the one with THE problem.
Don't give in to despair, as these dark times do finally pass, and when you have concentrated on you and your needs for a while longer, it will be the life you want.
At least you won't be in the area when the brown yucky stuff hits the fan, and someone's blinkers fall off.
Take care, and put yourself first for now.
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