I'm just dragging it out
findingpeace,
remember the statement you made when you changed your name from wifeofadrinker?
did it make you feel empowered?
i think some of us go kicking and screaming ("clawing") when we know what the truth is but just don't want to accept it.
damnit.
it's tough, and we all have to proceed at our own pace.
i hope you find peace very soon. you sure deserve it.
remember the statement you made when you changed your name from wifeofadrinker?
did it make you feel empowered?
i think some of us go kicking and screaming ("clawing") when we know what the truth is but just don't want to accept it.
damnit.
it's tough, and we all have to proceed at our own pace.
i hope you find peace very soon. you sure deserve it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
FindingPeace:
I had a very hard time letting go of my exbf. Although not married, I really thought he was the love of my life, despite the lies, drinking and manipulation. I hung on for a little over a year after I broke up with him when I was "negotiating" with him how much I would settle for and how much he would give, which, on his end, turned out to be a tiny bit more than nothing. There was a bottom, which was when I found out he had a girlfriend. As much as it killed me to know that, the day I found out was also, looking back, the best day of my life because I had to chose to accept the "less than" life that being with him for sure would have been, or the "full of possibilities" life that I would eventually have and have now. We all have a bottom. Maybe you have not reached yours yet. And that is ok!
I had a very hard time letting go of my exbf. Although not married, I really thought he was the love of my life, despite the lies, drinking and manipulation. I hung on for a little over a year after I broke up with him when I was "negotiating" with him how much I would settle for and how much he would give, which, on his end, turned out to be a tiny bit more than nothing. There was a bottom, which was when I found out he had a girlfriend. As much as it killed me to know that, the day I found out was also, looking back, the best day of my life because I had to chose to accept the "less than" life that being with him for sure would have been, or the "full of possibilities" life that I would eventually have and have now. We all have a bottom. Maybe you have not reached yours yet. And that is ok!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 71
I've been challenged at this fork in the road too but my AH is not drinking at this time.
Questions I've asked myself:
Do I still love him? Am I truly happy?
Can I live this way now and in the future? What do I want for my future?
What is best for me?
If I'm not happy ... I cannot give anyone else happiness ...
We are still together but started counseling this week. But I have someone that is willing to accept alcholism, work his steps and work on our relationship. Without that - I couldn't go on ...
Nothing in life is perfect - I'm very aware of that. Just becuase we've got used to a consistant/certain amount of sadness, insecurity, isolation, grief, disapointments, etc. DOES NOT mean it's normal! The more I grow and learn about myself and the disease ... the more I feel awakened to my potential happiness, relationships and future.
Wishing you comfort, resolve and peace!
Questions I've asked myself:
Do I still love him? Am I truly happy?
Can I live this way now and in the future? What do I want for my future?
What is best for me?
If I'm not happy ... I cannot give anyone else happiness ...
We are still together but started counseling this week. But I have someone that is willing to accept alcholism, work his steps and work on our relationship. Without that - I couldn't go on ...
Nothing in life is perfect - I'm very aware of that. Just becuase we've got used to a consistant/certain amount of sadness, insecurity, isolation, grief, disapointments, etc. DOES NOT mean it's normal! The more I grow and learn about myself and the disease ... the more I feel awakened to my potential happiness, relationships and future.
Wishing you comfort, resolve and peace!
Welcome to the Sober Recovery community! This is a great place to share, and to receive.
I understand where you're at in your marriage. For me, my xabf was "trying" but he version did not match up with what mine was. The little, tiniest steps forward just kept me hooked. Ultimately I was a mess and recognized that it was probably never going to be what I wished for.
With my husband, I think if he were to embrace recovery and be "AA Man of the Year" I would have been too far gone, too long without respecting or loving him.
Yes, no one is perfect is certainly true. That's why God created Boundaries, so that WE can say "this is what's acceptable to me, here's the line".
LaTeeDa is right on the money
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