LucyA

I have one!
I know, it's silly.
But fun.
We flirt a little bit.
He makes me smile, even when he's not there!
We don't even know each others names, but he's made me realise i do actually 'feel'
I've been numb for a while and was beginning to wonder if it was normal.
Now I'm laughing like a schoolgirl and looking for my mascara again!

lillamy

Feeling is good.

LucyA

It's very good.

I like to feel.

I think (no, I know) I've been scared to feel for too long.

A crush is good, it's like dipping a toe in the pool. No one has to jump in and no one expects it.

Him flirting back is even better

(and that's without the mascara!)

lillamy

Just wait til you find your mascara, eh?

LucyA

Found that!

I'm looking for the lip gloss as I type

wicked

Lucy, sounds wonderful, I am smiling too!

lillamy

You go with your bad self!

LucyA

It's the actually 'feeling' that I find wonderful!

Things have happened and I've just let them wash over me, not actually felt a thing for almost two years. (good or bad)

Now I see this face from time to time and we exchange a few words, and I actually look forward to seeing him again, wonder when I will and where it'll be. I make the effort to look good, when I just haven't bothered for a long time! Whoever he is he must be good for me in some way!
But if I didn't feel I wouldn't bother.
I'm trying to say something but I don't know how to verbalise it!

I think it's something like 'he' isn't the important one, but he was the one who made me realise I do 'feel'

Does that make sense?

StarCat

Good for you!




In all seriousness, I do realize what it feels like when tiny insignificant things just feel so good.
I ate an apple today. It was a cheap apple, .89 cents per pound, but it has been so long since I sat down and ate something because I wanted to eat it, it just tasted so good, I was in heaven.
Not the same experience as you are having, obviously, but I can understand not enjoying things for a long time, and then suddenly you realize you've still got it.

LaTeeDa

Yes, it's like finding something you thought was lost. Or maybe something you didn't even realize you lost, like when you find money in the pocket of a coat you haven't worn for months.

Happy for you finding your feeling again.

L

wicked

Yes! It makes perfect sense to me, when I had a crush, I remembered that I was important and I do feel.
Not just some being, floating around.
I was connected again.
Yep.

Beth

lillamy

Makes perfect sense to me. Sort of like after an awful headcold when you realize how much you appreciate your sense of smell again...

gerryP

It's one of the best feelings in the world. It's not silly, it's great!

You deserve to feel good Lucy, you have had a rough run of it for too long.

Phoenixthebird

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Floss

Hi Lucy! Oh, that sounds so nice! It's a good feeling....and guess what? I've got a bit of a crush at the moment too! I can count on one hand how many people I've felt attracted to in my life! I've wondered if I'm normal because I just don't notice men that much. I know this man's name. He knows mine now. He was the assistant coach of my son's football team. I know he has a son and a daughter. I don't know if he's married, single, separated or divorced. He doesn't wear a wedding band, but I'm sure to keep good boundaries. I know where he works (in a big surfwear factory outlet) and two of my daughters and I went there today! Lol. It was so busy in there but we smiled at each other. His smile lit up the room. We always smile when we see each other and then proceed to talk about the footy...haha. I've found it hard to believe that I've found someone else attractive especially considering I'm having such a hard time letting go of my ex. Anyway, it's nice to fantasize for a while....Have fun Lucy!

FormerDoormat

I don't think lack of feeling was ever really a problem for you, Lucy. I think feeling too much was a problem in the past and something to be avoided as a self-protection mechanism. The fact that you are no longer avoiding feelings says that you're ready to begin living again. And that ROCKS!

LucyA

I think you may be spot on!
I've been thinking about this a lot today.
I think somewhere way back I decided it hurt too much to feel true emotions and I just stopped feeling them, or at least aknowledging them to myself.
I don't think it's done me too much harm, maybe just the opposite in fact, I think if I'd been feeling too much I wouldn't have coped with all the 'business' side of things that I've had to do recently. It's kept me sane for things that really did need to be done (and thank goodness are almost finished now!)

I really do feel like I want to begin living again, a real life, not just going to work and coming home to look after the boys and give the whole of me to them. They don't need that any more and I don't want to do it anymore. All four of us are at the stage where I too can have my own life.

I'm ready, bring it on

FormerDoormat

Bring it, Baby!

LucyA

I just checked out my facebook, and a friend has posted this on my page

YouTube - Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) - Chris Tomlin (with lyrics)

The closest I get to religion is a half hearted following of spiritualism, but my friend knows I love Amazing Grace, I've never heard this version before. I love it and I can relate to the words today, and I think someone 'up there' might be getting close on the recruitment campaign if stuff like this keeps happening!

Buffalo66

I have had that happen when I thought I was dead inside. Sometimes it could scare me.
And it is nice, even if nothing at all comes from it. Even if nothing at all happens.

Yay for you, Happy New YEar