He has been lying about meetings, started gambling
 

I am still w/o Internet (!!!)
so I am writing on my phone.
A has been dodging a few money questions, I argue w him abt it, finally he admits he had started to go to the casino.

Gambling runs in his family, and he said he knows it is a potential issue. I asked him if he had discussed it w anyone at meetings, and he admitted that he has not really been going as often as he says...

He now feels that the stress of arguing abt money and my behavior are what is causing him to falter...(quack)

I'm sorry to be so bleak, but what a f$&@Ed up family... On one side they all drink and on the other gambling. Is there no end??

I am not accepting his projections, and x mas and whatever was great, but this explains my "postponed" gift( he gave me a few others, but said one would have to wait).

The projecting just gets so bad when he messes up. He is unaccountable, so I guess he feels someone has to take the blame.

Yeah. I know. He has to go. He will surely drink if I put him out right now, with new years ,etc... I don't want my life ruined by gambling after all this crap.

Go ahead, flame me, be harsh. I might not be done w him yet, but I think I am getting closer.

Oh man. I remember when I realized that "going to a meeting" was just an acceptable way to get out of the house to indulge in debauchery. It took forever for me to learn that each knock-down, drag-out, "I-have-a-problem-and-I'm-going-to-get-help" episode was only the preface to my AH getting craftier and finding better ways of hiding his active addictions (which grew in number with each passing year).

I'm not going to flame you because I stayed with my AH straight down through bankruptcy. I used to use the excuse that I couldn't make it financially without him. Then I realized what was REALLY going on and that in reality, I couldn't make it financially WITH him. It sounds like your AH isn't in active recovery and that his addictions are progressing. I certainly don't recommend the bankruptcy path...if its any help.

Buffalo,

I can't flame you. I like you. I wanna give you a big hug and shoulder to cry on. Maybe you could find something to punch, like a pillow or something.
I know how infuriating it is to want to believe the lie, doubt the lie, but give him the benefit, and then feel like a fool for believing. Again.
I am glad you are getting closer.
I like you and want you to be serene and content. Not concerned about an addict doing what an addict does.
I wont flame you, but I will light a candle, and pray.
(not sure how much good it will do, i am a lapsed catholic but confirmed :lmao)
Thinking good thoughts and sending strength and peace to you now.

Beth

Be gentle with yourself.
You get to stay with him as long as you choose to.
You don't ever have to leave.

Consider reminding yourself when he does all those yucky things that he is an addict and you can count on him to behave that way.

Then take your energy off of analyzing him and ask yourself (with love) what YOU want and what YOU deserve. How can you take care of you to bring peace and serenity to YOUR life.

I hope you care for you through all this.

Peace

I stayed for 10 years and had 2 children with an alcoholic who freely admitted he's had gambling problems when "younger" (and still went to the casino). No flames here. Mine never tried meetings, or even giving up alcohol for more than a few hours. I understand the desire for the words to be real. I hope you are OK.

Hi Buffalo,
No flaming from me either. You will move on if or when you choose to. You will know when you've had enough. No-one can tell you how long that will be. My exA and I separated 16 months ago and I'm still grieving. I haven't let him go in my heart yet and I don't know how long it will take me to heal. Each day, I hope I get closer to healing and letting go. I also understand what you mean by the 'projecting' and yes, they do feel they 'need' to blame someone else and remain unaccountable for their actions. All the best to you Buffalo.

Oh Buffalo I"m so sorry. What a mess. I hope you take some time for yourself, away from it all to gain strength. I've been where you are so. many. times. You'll sort it out. Remember, the only thing we can change is ourselves and that's not so bad after all, it's good actually. I'd detach for starters. That will bring immediate relief and clarity of vision..

Big hugs!