Hailee

tjp--those links are so great. Really informative--thank you for thinking of me!

If you were to tell me years ago that I would be sitting around crying my eyes out over a man with a SEVERE alcohol/porn addiction (right before he left, the police brought him home drunk twice in a 3 week period-no lie!), no car, no job, and no $, no credit, and verbally abusive to boot--I would have said you are out of your mind--No Way--Cannot happen. Guess the joke is on me.

I am putting things back together a bit--I have been taking care of myself and these beautiful babies well, I just signed up for a couple of classes as I am working towards my Masters/Nursing, and I try and keep the focus on us and not think about him. My little girls 7 & 5 say "I miss daddy" an awful lot, and I just explain to them that he is sick and that we need to pray for him, and that we still love him, but we can't be around daddy until he stops drinking. It's not safe or healthy. They are slowly understanding. Heck, I am finally just understanding how sick it is--it will take them a while to grasp too I suppose. I think he truly loved his family (me included) but he loved his addiction to alcohol and porn way more. We weren't even a close second.

Still no remorse--why the hell not???

Thanks you guys are so smart here! I envy you all for having it so together!

tjp613

• Because it's easier to be mad than remorseful.
• True remorse would require self-examination and a spiritual awakening.
• Those things require a LOT of work, surrender, and humility -- which requires working a program like your life depended on it.
• It doesn't sound like he's working his program.

Until he works his program seriously, I'd suggest ending the phone call any and every time they start becoming abusive. After all you are doing and have done, he has no right to abuse you that way. Don't tolerate it. This is your time to take care of YOU and that means hanging up the phone when he starts acting like a child. I'd also suggest that you use the speakerphone when he wants to talk to the children.