Now he won't leave
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
Oh, I am so glad! well done for holding strong, and for realising that he will try this on again. Can you think of things that you can do now, that could better help you resist when he does try to manipulate his way back in again? perhaps print off your first post here and put it by the door or telephone to remind you how your compassion is misused by this particular person 
Thank you for the update!
Thank you for the update!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Good news! Enjoy your peaceful, calm, fresh, relaxed, welcoming home.
The rest of the good news is that it will last as long as you protect it.
I have found it helpful to not even entertain the idea of allowing my xah to stay the night. At every hint, every request, every move to stay the night the answer is no. It is easier for me to not even try to explain because that opens the door to manipulation and confusion for me. I simply say 'No, that won't work.' I say the same thing over and over never changing. If I have to say it twice in the same conversation I make an excuse to get off the phone.
One time he showed up at my house at 8pm after drinking and me telling him not to come. I let him in to not create a scene and he did leave but it was terribly stressful for me and not good for the kids because even though he didn't say anything bad he was drunk and they knew it. I vowed then that the next time (and there hasn't been one) I would go out the back door and meet him on the front step and tell him "You are not coming in, go home." and then turn around and walk straight off and back in the house. I decided that if he didn't leave quietly I would call the police without bothering to warn him by shouting through the door or going back out there. I would protect my house once with respect and firmness and then I call for help.
I have to play it all out in my head before hand. Maybe you can do that too? Play it out in your head how you will react/respond the next time he asks to stay.
The rest of the good news is that it will last as long as you protect it.
I have found it helpful to not even entertain the idea of allowing my xah to stay the night. At every hint, every request, every move to stay the night the answer is no. It is easier for me to not even try to explain because that opens the door to manipulation and confusion for me. I simply say 'No, that won't work.' I say the same thing over and over never changing. If I have to say it twice in the same conversation I make an excuse to get off the phone.
One time he showed up at my house at 8pm after drinking and me telling him not to come. I let him in to not create a scene and he did leave but it was terribly stressful for me and not good for the kids because even though he didn't say anything bad he was drunk and they knew it. I vowed then that the next time (and there hasn't been one) I would go out the back door and meet him on the front step and tell him "You are not coming in, go home." and then turn around and walk straight off and back in the house. I decided that if he didn't leave quietly I would call the police without bothering to warn him by shouting through the door or going back out there. I would protect my house once with respect and firmness and then I call for help.
I have to play it all out in my head before hand. Maybe you can do that too? Play it out in your head how you will react/respond the next time he asks to stay.
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