Phoenixthebird

I've decided that after Christmas Day is over and I have forced myself to be nice, calm and collected, and agreeable with my dry drunk husband during the Christmas holidays that I deserve to take a vacation-naughty. I don't yet know if my vacation will be just ME or ME and my two sons, but I need space and time away from my DDH. I need this space and time to reflect upon my life, regroup, and try to find purpose for my life! I know God didn't save me to have me spend the rest of my life like this! God isn't done with me yet!

Believe or not, I found part of my strength and console to endure during the Christmas holidays from my life's theme song, "I Am Woman", by Helen Reddy.

"I am woman,"...... This is who I am with all my God given abilities and capabilites, my knowledge and experiences, my understanding and my emotions!
"hear me roar"...... I have the Right to speak my own opinions without my DDH telling me what I should be saying and feeling! Communication should be a two-way street!
"In numbers too big to ignore"...... Reminds of all the other members of SR and Ala-Non.
"And I know too much to go back an' pretend"...... I have accepted the reality of my relationship with my DDH. It's real and I can only accept it as a fact.
"'cause I've heard it all before"...... My DDH denials and his projections of anger to me.
"And I've been down there on the floor"...... My DDHs chaos; his emotional abuse; his anger.
"No one's ever gonna keep me down again"...... I will be independent; I've reached my breaking point in our marriage.
"Oh yes I am wise".....I have gined knowledge about my DDH's defective personality
"But it's wisdom born of pain"......Through the pain of being married to my DDH I have gained wisdom.
"Yes, I've paid the price"......Forty years is a long time to married.
"But look how much I gained"......I was totally responsible for myself and my children. I received my Bachelor of Science, and three beautiful children through my own abilities!
"I am strong"......Because of everything I've had to endure, I am now strong!
"I am invincible"......I will not be defeated.
"I am woman"......This who I am!
"You can bend but never break me"......I feel like my DDH is trying to break my spirit or drive me crazy! But he's not going to break me!
"'cause it only serves to make me"......I am working my recovery,
"More determined to achieve my final goal"......I am getting stronger which each step I take!
"And I come back even stronger"......I can be pushed down but not for long!
"Not a novice any longer"......I have lived in this situation for more years than what I want to remember! This time is one of the worst times!
"'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul" I deserve a better life!

I practiced the Ala-non quote "Just for today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime."

I made it through my Christmas holidays by repeating the Serenity Prayer.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

Does anyone else feel like they need a vacation to recuberate from the Christmas holidays? What helped hold you together during the Christmas holidays?

Love and Peace,
Phoenix

Impurrfect

(((Phoenix))) - I've often felt I need to recuperate..not just after major holidays, but sometimes just after basic life stuff, that seemed a bit too much. I can't afford to take a vacation, but I do spend more time on SR, more time "chatting" with friends I've made here and the people in my life who love and care for me. If nothing else, I get in my car, turn up the music I love, and drive down some country roads, enjoying the scenery.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy