Make me stop!
 

I can feel myself start to obsess (ha...that's a joke. I'm not STARTING to, I AM). I checked our cell phone records tonight (yes...we still have a joint contract) to see where our minutes were. Apparently, my estranged AH has started calling a new number. The calls started the same day that he showed up hung over to pick up our kids and they end with a picture message from about 30 minutes ago. Only one reason a man gets picture messages (or maybe just my AH since this is what clued me in on his affair).

I know I'm not thinking with a clear mind. I'm feeling really angry with him right now because he is behind on monthly payments for his expenses & child support (to the tune of $3200), has spent $2K on unnecessary stuff for himself in the past two months and is generally ignoring my phone calls. He called me tonight all bummed out because he feels like a loser dad who can't buy his kids anything for Christmas (well...take back the golf clubs or the compound bow) I think this is also bringing up my anger about the affair again because of the picture message. In addition, I am feeling angry because he, as recently as TODAY, gives me no end of grief about the fact that I was dating.

I am feeling that anger inside me that wants to pin him in a corner and catch him in a lie. But the other part of me is trying to tell that crazy codie that I want PEACE from this madness. UGH!!!! I keep reminding myself that I can't control someone else's behaviors. I can only control my reaction to their behaviors. But it doesn't seem to be working tonight. I'm so tied up emotionally because of the holidays and such, I can't seem to keep a level head about this!

Hugs, SKW. I can commiserate. XAH is past due so much on his child support payments that it's enough for a down payment on a house.

DS just spent Christmas Eve day with him and all DS said he got was lunch at a nice restaurant with XAH and GF and one bakugan toy. I'm trying really hard to give them the benefit of doubt and think that they're going to open presents on Sunday when DS is with them again for dinner.

XAH has a new iPhone, a new bike and gear, a 'new' car..... WTF

It's not anything I can control. And DS will not be completely without presents and most definitely not without love. He'll have a peaceful and happy Christmas with me and my family. (Well, as peaceful as it can be with 3 boys running around.)

Wishing you a merry Christmas. Hang in there and take gentle care of yourself.

Prayer helps me immensley with emotional balance.

Sorry to know of your distress..:hug:

if you can afford it, perhaps consider getting your own phone contract? or get a pay-as-you go phone? and then, ask a frined to change the password and text it to AH? this would prevent this in the future.

i think in this case, ignorance is bliss. i know i feel much more in control of myself when i have no clue what xABF is doing...it only sets me back...

and believe me, i know that sinking feeling when our suspicions are confirmed...