Soph

He has just emailed me out of the blue to tell me that he has adopted a puppy (3 mos old) from the shelter. Because he is lonely and his life is a shambles, he didn't get the promotion he "was promised" and his "poor me" victim self continues to rage on, while he smokes pot every evening and gets drunk every weekend.

This is a man who had a wife (me) an 11 year old stepson, a labrador, a house, and then we got dog # 2 together. Family unit complete.

He worked at the office all the time, never contributed a thing at home to help, never wanted to get up in the morning with the dogs, never helped my son, never even noticed he had the perfect makings of a really happy household and life. Just bitched and complained, drank and raged, and then let me divorce him without even trying to make it work.

It will be 2 years on January 10th that we have not lived in the same house. Separated then divorced in 2009.

Now he emails me that he's adopted an adorable blue heeler puppy and feels a sense of real responsibility. (see Mom? I am a grown up!)

I want to f***g throw up!!!!!!!

Ahem. And the worst part? He says "I feel like it should be 'ours' - !! WTF?! Hello?!!

I joined Al Anon because of this man; I have cried over him and missed him; I have wanted so much that he would pull his act together and say "What can I do to come back home?" Instead he just blithely continues on his addictive way, in his chaos and now he has adopted a little puppy and I have no idea how the heck he plans to care for her. I don't ever want to even see a photo. It hurts me so much. It should have been our baby together, which I can't have anymore, biology has decided.


All of it just puts me backward to a place that hurts. I just want to stop caring...so anyway, I am going running in a little while. To run it off and feel grateful that I have a choice and my choice is no contact with the ex because it makes me feel bad.

Thanks for letting me vent.

StarCat

(((Soph)))

Everyone we meet puts a mark on our lives, for good or for bad. The closer we allow ourselves to become to a person, the more it hurts when they're not there, no matter what the reasons. I've always felt that in some ways, we're mourning a loss, the same as at a funeral, except in this case it's like having that person's picture plastered all over the wall, or their ghost visiting every once in awhile at unwelcome moments.

Hang in there, and accept (and appreciate!) that it still hurts.
It means your humanity is still intact.

<3

NYCDoglvr

He's being super-manipulative. A puppy at Christmas? Pleeeseeze. Of course you're going to have feelings, this is the time of year for it, but I also see a lot of strength and know you'll get through this tough time. It helps me to put the focus on what I have instead of what I don't have. Thanks for sharing

fourmaggie

I want to f***g throw up!!!!!!!



LOVE IT!!

Jadmack25

Don't blame you for feeling like heaving up stomach.....I feel plenty worried about the poor puppy too....after all, exah doesn't exactly exude caretaking abilities does he.

Obviously he is still in LALa Land and thinks he needs to keep you up to date with "his progress". There isn't much to report and it is too late now anyway, but he hasn't got that it seems.

Accept his message as the seasonal hazard....where they feel the urge to heap the guilts on ex partners, because they feel miserable and empty inside and want you to suffer some as well.

wicked

the puppy is a blue heeler? wow, dont they need strong discipline and someone who has the time, patience and energy to train them.
dammit.
what a manipulator. a puppy on Christmas.
since this is Christmas eve, I will keep my swearing to myself.
Soph, the pure selfishness and self indulgence of this man is astounding.
Sadly, I have seen it before with my ex.
I am sorry you are dealing with this.

Beth

Soph

Thank you all for your comments. It really helps to get feedback! Sometimes I feel so alone in my feelings.

Beth, he is Australian and has had "blue heeler" firmly ingrained as a dog he "has to have." Oh wait. He did call a woman in NC about a dingo. He was actually planning to drive to NC to get a dingo at one point.

I have a better idea...go home, mate! Go back to Oz and move back in with your pals in Sydney. Not that he would ever do that, now that he has a green card (you're welcome) he can set up shop here in the US for ages.

But I am not bitter...I am better...better off without him...I am just sad and mad about the pup he has adopted, and yes to top it off he lives in an apartment downtown. No yard, no fence, tiny apartment. For a dog who is bred to herd cows!

Very responsible.

wicked

Set up shop? For what? F*ck ups Anonymous?
oh wait, that was my husbands specialty.
he lives in an apartment, no place for a working dog to run, the dog will go crazy.
dammit, the irresponsibility is just never ending.
my ex brought a dog to our children. We lived in a trailer. She was beautiful, but she was a german pointer. She needed a job to do and someone to get her in hand.
I was incapable, and the poor dog went crazy until I found her a home with farmland.
The guy was a hunter, she had the instinct, just no training.
Smart dog, dumb ex husband.

Beth