Ah Keeps wanting to come over.......
 

And use the hot tub and the computer . Now he comes when I am not home but still - why should that be ok. He is not living here- not working - not helping with bills-living with his parents on the River in a gorgous house with a hot tub overlooked the water - they don't have internet though so he must need his porn fix. I am trying to be in the holiday spirit but it is starting to **** me off. If I say something he will no doubt yell - maybe I will see if it slacks off in the next few days. God - This sucks but the peace I have in my house without him here is much needed and for that I am thankful! I swear I thought I looked really young for my age but this AH crap has me looking haggard and old and tired. Hopefully my spirit being recharged will help that. How will anyone ever want to be with a saggy old chubby middle aged woman? Wow- AH's words have really stuck with me- I need to reprogram! Getting my nails done and enjoying this holiday~ ENOUGH REDHEADUSIE~:wild

(((((Susie)))))

I hope you can have a Merry Christmas!!!!!!

How about changing the locks, or just getting the new 'keying' system at the hardware store, ask them or at Home Depot, it is real easy to do and he can no longer 'enter' when you are gone, and when home keep door locked. "NO" is a complete sentence.

Sending good thoughts and prayers for you and yours.

Love and hugs,

Hey Redhead .... I loved your posting because you appreciate the good (having a peaceful home) in a tough situation during the holidays. Thanks and Merry Christmas

hey, are you running an internet cafe?

there are public terminals at the library.

i would change the locks.

for you...NO STINKING THINKING....think smart!! you know what to do...set your BOUNDARIES....no! is a full sentence...and you dont need to answer to him or anyone....All the best...

Change the locks, and let him know HE can do his internet "thing" elsewhere.
Why compromise you peace of mind and contentment, by allowing him in your home when you are not there. The idea of that makes my blood run cold.

like Jadmack, this makes my blood run cold, and I think a little vomit in the back of my throat. that was the only thing the ex used MY computer for.

think about what he is doing during his porn fix, i can see how it is a blank spot in your mind, it was in mine.

But, uh, not only no, but hell no!

Beth

My AH is aging me too! I must say I think I've turned a big corner ... I seem to have learned enough tools through Alanon to not cry/stress/loose sleep/eat too much/look frazzled/isolate myself/sacrifice my job/ on-and-on!

Survived Christmas Eve and endured his subtle cheap shots so far. His Mom is staying with my parents tonight and during a visit with her - out of the blue, he announces we are going to marriage counseling. I smiled and agreed and asked him what brought this up and he smiled "I don't have any secrets" - like trying to be such an honest son to his mother. Sh*t - what he failed to state was that he relapsed before Thanksgiivng and has been drinking since then - including today! Lied to me and caught him in 3 major lies. We argued - marriage counseling was initiated by our "lack of intimacy" - now that he's drinking again ... he's not "satisified" ... too infrequent for him (omg!). You bet it's infrequent, been that way for years - I feel like he's ruined my libido. Anyway ... I'm feeling pretty damn proud that I didn't blurt out to his Mom that he's drinking again: not my business and not my concern. By not responding, I took the power out of the situation. His Mom will find out soon enough; I will not be manipulated anymore.

Didn't cause it, can't control it and CAN'T cure it!

I'm rambling ... your post just truly rang home: we don't have to react and we don't not have to allow them to control the situation.

You've had some great advice about changing your locks ... I hope I'm close to having a peaceful home soon. Thanks for your post!