Midwestman

Well here it is another xmas eve and i still havent bought a present for the AW. every year the same. all the resentments and merry-go-round battles over her drinking doesnt exactly make me want to go out and buy her a xmas gift. It feels more like and obligation instead of something done in the spirit it should be. Earlier during one of our quiet periods i casually mentioned that maybe we could just get the kids gifts and just forget about buying gifts for each other. suggested we go out to dinner as a gift to each other instead of present (though the thought of sitting in a restaurant together stresses me out.) Bad idea. she got angry and told me that not swapping gifts was so "me". Almost started another fight but bit my tongue. Always walking on eggshells. In the meantime last xmas i got socks and underware from her. Anyone else out there struggle with the thought of giving a xmas present to the A in their life? Hard to do when youre always angry at each other.

Kassie2

Your post is reminding me of terrible holidays in years past. Never certain what to do, what plans will fly or not and how to handle it all. I bought gifts because it is customary - we would shop together and pick out what we wanted. At home wrap and tag then under the tree. It got harder each year.

I made a decision each year to just be flexible and do whatever I could and let go of the rest. Perhaps deciding what is important vs not important would help you sort out what to do.

Sorry you feel this way - got lots of company unfortunately with the experience. Just try to make it what you can for yourself. For me, reducing expectations made a huge difference while together and after we were apart. Do something for you.

Live

I might buy presents for both her and myself and have them gift wrapped. I have done that and I like it.