Can't Escape A's...

Old 12-24-2010, 06:51 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
Can't Escape A's...

Ended up telling my drunk neighbour off last night, he keeps knocking on my door and talking to me when drunk, he's old, he stinks and he spits when talking and staggers around. I've ignored it for months, tried ignoring the door but if he knows we're in he shouts through the letter box. I answered the door last night and told him quite firmly that I was sick of him knocking and giving me advice I never asked for when he's drunk and to not speak to me again when he's been drinking.

Hopefully that's that one sorted but I'm now having a problem with my Aunt...

So my Aunt is an A, hides it badly and is in denial. She's one of those types of people who has to put on a huge front, tells lies about things she doesn't need to lie about. Recently split with her long term partner, we found out she was attacking him when drunk...she used to do the drunken texts and calls at all hours of the morning until we all started turning our phones off and she got the hint.

I used to be close with her when I was a teen, she was the "cool" aunt, always partying. I've now grown up and she's still partying expect she's in her mid 40's and it's now not so cool any more, it's pretty sad sometimes.

Most of our side of the family avoid her because she's really hard work to be around, she's just very false.

She's now got herself a laptop and joined Facebook and "found us". She's added me, my daughter, my sis in law and won't leave us alone. She's commenting on everything I say or my daughter says but they're really embarrassing comments, speaking to us like we're kids, saying strange things that make no sense or being overly affectionate in a "cringe" kind of way.
She left a drunken message for my Mum on MY photo album about our family dynamic that made no sense at all...4am, definitely drunk, I deleted it, in fact I've deleted most of them now.

It's driving us nuts, especially as she's writing on my daughters profile too and embarrassing her in front of her friends. I told my daughter to just ignore or delete her comments so that's what we've both been doing but now last night at 3.30am she mailed my D and said "dya know what DD I mail you on facebook and you don't reply its rude a".

I replied to her from my D's profile and told her that D didn't have to reply to every message she got, that she was a kid and the Aunt shouldn't take offence".

I wanted to flip and tell her where to go but didn't want to cause trouble between the family but I'm biting my tongue tooooo much.

How would you handle this? I don't want to upset the Aunt BUT I won't have her mailing my D when drunk leaving her messages like that and annoying us both. Argh!!
Tally is offline  
Old 12-24-2010, 07:33 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Eight Ball's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
When they add you, you have to accept them too, so you must have done this at the beginning and allowed her onto your site.

Cant you just delete her off your/DD facebook? I have a cull every so often on my facebook and also dont accept everyone who wants to be friends with me.

I deleted my AH (not estranged and still married) from my friends list a few months ago and he still hasn't noticed!! I got a bit fed up of the drunken comments he was leaving on our joint friends posts (not regularly) and this way I dont have to see them, so they dont bother me anymore.

Its your facebook, so do what you like. If your Aunt doesn't like it - tough. She cant make you be friends with her, its your page. Whats the worse that could happen anyway? I am betting she will move on pretty quickly.

I know co-dependants (I'm one) struggle with worrying about what people think of them when doing certain things, but really - deleting her from your facebook friends is not one you should worry about and its so easy to do with the best outcome for yourself/DD. Be strong, be brave!
Eight Ball is offline  
Old 12-24-2010, 07:38 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
Deleting her would probably cause an argument between the family and bring things to a head. I still have to see her when I visit my Nan and my Mum has to see her too. Like I said I don't want to hurt her feelings and feel deleting her is a little extreme given that she doesn't even know she's annoying me. I was looking for a tactful way of putting her in her place really...not sure if there is one though, lol.
Tally is offline  
Old 12-24-2010, 07:54 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Eight Ball's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
Its a tough one and deleting her would definitely take some courage.

I still remember my psychotherapist talking to me about doing things to protect yourself and if others dont like it, then that's for them to deal with - its their issue. I also had a tendency to build a simple problem up until it became a huge thing to deal with. My mind would be rampant with various scenarios and at the end of the day - nothing I had been stressing about would happen anyway. I am sure your Aunt wont even notice or wont even make much of an issue about it.

My DD deleted me from her facebook, when I eventually found out, I asked her about it and she said that she wanted some privacy as she is 19yrs and it would be like me reading her diary. Fair enough and good on her!

You could try deleting your Aunt in stages, maybe from you DD's page first. If your Aunt says anything, just say it must be a mistake and your DD wouldn't have done it on purpose. but then dont 'add' her again.

As I said, my AH hasn't even noticed that I have deleted him from my page and I am his wife.

Doesn't this all sound like a 'mess' to you now, that you are worrying and stressing about hurting your Aunts feelings, whilst you/DD/SIL are all dealing with the consequences, time to detach!
Eight Ball is offline  
Old 12-24-2010, 08:16 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
Oh she would definitely notice and defo make a HUGE drama out of it too, just a little extra something to add to the chip on her shoulder. I can't begin to tell you how big a drama it would become...

I've been nosing on FB's privacy settings and I can actually add her to a seperate friends list, i.e. create a new one and then use that list to block her from seeing certain things...for example add her to a list and then use that list and stop it from seeing status updates or stop it from seeing comments I make on others profiles or stop it seeing photo's so might try that and see if I can put a halt to it that way...kinda make her think I'm just not as active or something. Easy way out but more saving myself the headache of a full on family bust up.
Tally is offline  
Old 12-24-2010, 08:27 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Today is a New Day
 
StarCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
That sounds like a brilliant idea.
StarCat is offline  
Old 12-24-2010, 08:32 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
kia
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
Posts: 536
i too would delete her i had to do with my daughters alcoholic mum as she was having a go at me cos her son preferred spending time with us and not her for obvious reasons given there was constant arguments there. I dont know if and when she found out i did this but well i dont have to deal with her face to face so i can see how its more diffucult for u to do and i too worry what ppl think of me doing certain things but for me i was fed up been her battering ram cos of her guilt over her son.

What i dont get is how i have no issues with getting rid of her and other A in my life but the exA has been another matter was so much harder been rid of him and still is keeping him out.

Id maybe have a quiet word with her and see if it calms down if not your justifed in deleting her as for your daughter i would get her to delete her she has no need to have her on there really and as someone else said just say ohh did she do that must of been a mistake and dont add her back on xxxx
kia is offline  
Old 12-24-2010, 04:04 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
theuncertainty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
I've blocked XAH and his GF from my FB and have added SIL to a special list, because I'm not ready to block her yet. I have the settings for my posts set to automatically exclude her and I have to go in and change it if it's something I think I want her to see. (There hasn't been one yet since the divorce, so...). It's been much quieter on FB for me.
theuncertainty is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:23 AM.