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Old 12-24-2010, 06:14 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I know him well enough to know that if I disappear and won't talk to him at all he'll continue to blame me and not get the help he needs.
with all due respect, i don't think it is possible for you to know this, starcat.

i have seen, on many occassions, the spouse leaving and going no contact being the impetus for the A's true attempt at recovery.

anyway, like i said, i think you will soon realize yourself that as long as he's drinking, contact with him will just keep you hooked and you will be dodging one manipulation after the other. time will show you this. we are just trying to spare you the continued heartache that such contact inevitably brings, that's all.

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Old 12-24-2010, 02:28 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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...I was going to go out and mail G's bills for the month, part of my preparation before going to drop off the last of his things at his mother's. I decided to call my parents first, and I am grateful, because right about the time I would have been going out the door, there was a forceful knock. It felt like I held my breath for forever before I went to make sure there was nobody at the door, and I could hear the sound of the elevator doors opening and closing again.

At the base of the apartment door was a small package wrapped in normal paper with the image of a white rabbit in the snow on it...

G started calling me his "Snow Bunny" Tuesday night, the day before this all happened, because he said that's how I looked all wrapped up with my white hat, scarf, mittens, and down jacket.

I guess the magnitude of what I just did hit me right then and there. I put the package down again, right outside the door where I left it, and I'm going to have a good cry for awhile.
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Old 12-24-2010, 02:45 PM
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hi starcat-

i'm sorry you're hurting.

i found it useful to remind myself what i wanted in a partner, which he couldn't offer me.
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Old 12-24-2010, 03:10 PM
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Old 12-24-2010, 03:12 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I'm starting to realize, that wasn't the sound of a knock, that was the sound of trying to open the door while the deadbolt is still engaged. If I hadn't changed it last night he would have walked right in.


Originally Posted by naive View Post
hi starcat-

i'm sorry you're hurting.

i found it useful to remind myself what i wanted in a partner, which he couldn't offer me.
Thanks.

I'm actually starting to reconsider if I ever want him back at all... His family have been so kind to me, and he really is a sweet person, but the closer we became to each other, the more "controlled" I felt. He truly believes that he was simply worried about me, but I felt like I wasn't allowed to do anything unless he was there.

His daughter called me today, because he left a cryptogram on her phone about why he couldn't meet her for breakfast tomorrow (something about having to go to the doctor's), and she wanted to check about his health. Speaking with her, she not only said that that's the reason her mother always gave for divorcing him, but she questioned why I was with her father at all. She said some really nice things to me about me, said I was smart and attractive and all these things that I had come to doubt about myself, and she knew it was "horrible" for her to say because she's supposed to stick up for her father but that she was a bit confused as to why I was with him.

It spoke to the nagging bits in the back of my head, and now I'm not sure what to believe. I guess it's best not to think too much right now, just take it a bit at a time, that's a bigger issue for another day.
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Old 12-24-2010, 03:25 PM
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thank goodness for the deadbolt labour last night!

yes, give it some time. let the dust fall. be good to yourself and permit yourself the luxury of peace and quiet to sort out your feelings.

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Old 12-24-2010, 03:26 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Darnit, naive, I'm trying not to cry again...



*Hugs* Thanks, really. It is so very true... Especially the first 40 seconds.
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