longlivediva

Hi
trust all had a wonderful weekend. there were lots of parties going on in light of the halloween "holiday". ex-boyfriend guitar player invited me to his halloween party and i opted not to go. I think it's best I stay away from him. have not heard from him since the invitation and am having a hard time with the not getting his phone calls as frequently as they used to be. but then again when i did get the phone calls they were pretty much full of anxiety on my part, he would make me feel "scared". ok, so i get myself into more "confusion", i hang out with a very famous and well off pianist in the theatre industry who is cohabitating with his woman of over 12 years, and we've known each other for about six years and whenever we go out, it has been friendly/platonic, well not anymore, he kissed me this weekend and today i feel like i am going to hell for doing this. the kiss was rather passionate and i must say i did enjoy it, but today i feel like the only dirt bag...this being single is VERY VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME. I am CODEPENDENT AND feel that i am worth only two cents unless i am involved in a relationship. I am finally admitting to this.

i am not coping well, i feel very lonely..........

MindyK

Whya re you only worth anything when you're with someone? Do you think there is hope for any relationship to be healthy if you don't love yourself without one? You've picked a tough career, but the first and most important thing you should work on is loving yourself- no one will love you (legitimately) unless you love yourself first.

I know it's easier said than done, but start small. Pick out one thing you love about yourself a day and constantly look in the mirror and give yourself compliments on it. Keep a list, then at the end of the week, you can look back on it. If soemthing negative happens, or you start to feel self conscious, say so what if I have this huge zit on my nose- my hair looks great today!

jessieandme2003

You are not alone. Hang in there and just keep thinking about what you've said. You KNOW you are likely to get involved when you shouldn't, just because you need to BE involved. If you realize it, maybe you can keep yourself from actually doing it.

I have found that there are people out there ready to take advantage of people like us. This guy could be like that, considering he has a long term relationship. It is something to think about. My friends kept telling me to remember 'actions speak louder than words' because I always fell for guys just by what they would say.

Sometimes we take steps we know will lead no where, just because we want where it will lead right now. But we hurt ourselves when the eventual comes and it leads right where we knew it would - to disappointment.

Please just try to put yourself first and find ways to feel good about yourself without needing to be involved with someone. The day I actually found the strength to know I deserved better was a big day in my recovery. Once that part of my attitude changed my future actions started to be a lot more healthy.

myles1

If you only get involved with people because that is only when you feel worth while you'll attract every loser on the planet. It is when we are comfortable being alone that we are comfortable to take our time and pick and choose.

Ngaire

still learning

;angel:longlivediva Thanks for sharing. It triggered my situation. I'm am finally admitting again, one more time, that I am definitely co-dependent. Went to a CODA meeting on Sunday. Hadn't been to a meeting in years! But, I kept reading my Al-Anon and CODA literature and posting. I'm a widow and I thought since my husband had died (alcoholic, too) that my problems were over (HA!) They had just been lying there waiting to pop up again when I became involved with a guy. So, it happened BIG TIME! And, now I'm in withdrawal because "my man" has another woman who is his romantic partner (we know what that means - don't we???) At any rate, he wants to continue OUR close friendship and says she has to understand his friendship with ME! It feels weird - it feels strange and different - I'm wondering what he will feel when I find someone special for myself and say the same to him . He claims he will be loving and supporting of any choice I make (HA) and wants "only the best" for me. (I guess he is NOT). I know he is NOT! :p So now I say the Serenity Prayer over and over and over and I charge myself a quarter every time I start to mention his name to any one and tell my friends they own me a quarter to if they mention his name, too. However, it's the obsessing that I want to get past by filling up my brain with beautiful thoughts and constant compliments for who I am and what I can do. I really appreciate your sharing and being here with us.