pixilation

Really, if you're so broke you're bouncing checks just to put gas in your vehicle, wouldn't you, I don't know, NOT BUY freaking scratch off lottery tickets?

Picked up his work jacket to wash it today, and found $10 worth in his pocket. One positive, one of them was worth $3, so I can put a gallon of gas in my van today after I run to the food pantry(which I'm going to visit to make sure my kids have food over Christmas break)

Still thinks his DUI arrest is no big deal, happens to 'everyone'. Had the first court appearance this morning, drank last night. Is about to have his deployment gift to himself repossessed because he hasn't been making the payments. So why is it I've hit my bottom(doing a medical study next month, which will give me enough money, added to 1/2 the tax return to move out and pay the retainer on a lawyer) but he hasn't? How bad is it going to have to get for him to hit his bottom?

breakingglass

probably until he really hurts someone or himself. sad to say..... i have one at home. he's not like that as far as money and taking care of his financial responsibilities but he does get behind the wheel sometimes and it scares me to death. you hit the bottom first because you were an enabler ....like i am right now.....lucky for you that you have a plan and are getting away from it. don't turn back either.... just keep on going! i dont' know how long i'll be in this boat but something's got to give....

Hadassah

Sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. It is very frustrating when all you do goes for naught because your spouse is an addict. I hope you and your kids can have a Merry Christmas in spite of him, and good for you for planning and getting out eventually. I hated to do it, but my retainer went on a cc and the rest she is letting me pay off slowly. Hopefully you can find a lawyer like that.
Better days are ahead, it does get better. Prayers for you and your kids, H

keepinon

yup addiction sucks..lottery tickets when your kids need food..glad you've hit your bottom and are plainning your exit off the merry go ground..hang on to that!Hope you and your little ones have a happy Holliday!

wicked

pixilation,

you know, when i read your posts, they get stronger everytime.
got 3 dollars? use it for gas to get food.
yep, been there done that.
you sound ready to move on out.

Beth

naive

i think the lottery tickets are part of the magical universe that the alcoholi lives in. they are drunk so they are not dealing with real life. certainly, if he can drink the family money rather than buy food for the children, why not buy lottery tickets too?

i'm sorry you're going thru this, pixil. i went thru it. no money for food but money for drink? or he'd eat food on the street and leave me at home with nothing.

i'm glad you're getting out. try to bite your tongue. there is no point in raising the issue with him, it will only get you upset and him angry.

naive

Live

I have gotten so livid over lottery tickets before!
SCREAM!!!!!!!
It was just one more symptom of the whole thing. I kept trying to deal with the individual symptoms. No wonder I wound up with my head up my butt and everything looked like sh!t!
You have a good plan. One day you will look back and know that will never be your life anymore and it will have a strange distant surreal quality.

Floss

With some alcoholics, it's a bottomless pit...and it can get bad, really bad. As they say in AA, an alcoholic has three choices...sobered up, locked up or covered up. My ex who had a very small mortgage 10 years ago is about to lose his home, has lost several jobs, is unemployed now and living off the remnants of his home equity, has lost all his friends, has lost his family, has been arrested time and time again, has had and still has multiple AVO's, has been charged with numerous offences, has been scheduled twice, has been court ordered to rehab, community service x 3 and yet, he's still drinking 24/7. Sometimes they don't get better. Good for you for reaching your bottom and finding a way to move away from the insanity...

pixilation

I am feeling stronger now, I'm kinda letting my anger be more constructive now. And honestly, with his wages, having to go the food pantry to fill my cupboards is something I should NEVER have to do. And it ticks me me off that I had too, even though it will be a HUGE help over the Christmas break.

Watching him throw his life away, refusing help even though he knows where to find it, makes me mad, etc. But, 3 C's! I've been working hard on it all.

Live

Oh, stop me now..I am having visions of setting a place all nice for him at the dinner table and placing the lottery tickets on the plate. Perhaps with a parsley garnish?

LOL wait. that is the kind of stuff I USED to do.

wicked

i think there is evil genius in you.
i like and admire that.

hehehehehehe

yeah, pixilation, my ex would buy those damn lottery tickets, spend 30 dollars win 7 dollars and i was supposed to act like it was a special moment.
the look on his face as he scratched them off in the car told me everything I needed to know.
more addictive behavior and yeah, magical thinking.
(all my problems will be solved with a big win!)
Pfffffft.

Beth

pixilation

See, I think that's going to happen too, I think his mom is going to enable him(she already is, seeing as she's the one that bailed him out of jail)

She doesn't see his drinking as a problem, since he's not as bad as her brothers or her sister(her parents were both A's, her mother still drinks to passing out daily, and over half the kids have grown up to be A's too)

wicked

oh my pixilation,
miracles happen everyday in recovery,
but man, his deck is certainly stacked against him.
geez, his own grandmother drinks until she passes out?

take care of yourself pixilation, you can do it obviously.

Beth

pixilation

Oh yeah, I forgot to add this, he thought court was "hilarious" because everyone was there for "something worse" than he was.

pixilation

and yes, she does. Has for as long as I've known her, which now is about 15 years(she's been drinking far longer than that however). The only time I've seen her sober past noon was when one of her sons died, she was sober at the funeral.

when we first started dating, he often talked about how he would never drink, because alcoholism ran in the family. But then, he also talked about how angry people who drink and drive make him too.