vujade

I'm posting this here because you all understand the mind of an AH and I need some suggestions for managing this problem.

I received a phone call from my oldest son's teacher today. He has been on ADD meds for the past 2 months and it has been wonderful for him! Just enough to help him be attentive with no side effects. But I digress..

She called today "to ask how it was going." Once the conversation got going, it was clear that she wanted to talk about a specific concern. She said there are days when it is very evident that C isn't taking his meds and when asked he tells her that he was with his dad and they forgot. In addition, he hasn't turned in a reading log for the past five weeks. UGH! They are due on Fridays and STBXAH has the boys on Thursday nights.

I know if I approach this with AH I'll get one of two responses. The first would be irritation and anger...because I'm nagging. The second is that he'll say "I know. I know." and it won't change. I have talked with my son about this...medication and reading logs and tried to stress the imporance. First, he is eight. I want him to learn responsibility but he is not the parent. Second, he has ADD so it is challenging for him to remember things on his own. He is still learning how to manage it, himself.

Aside from changing nights (I have a standing appt on Thursday nights), what suggestions do you have for managing this process from afar?

4mylittleones

Wow, this is a tough one!

I don't have an answer for your question, but wanted to stop by and say I also have a 7 year old who started meds in January 2010 for the same reason. The difference is unbelievable. It helps him focus and learn, which also helps his self esteem. I hope you can get it figured out with your AH before it starts to have a negative affect on your son.

My son doesn't spend any nights with his father (my XAH) right now, so the dispensing of the medication is always done by me. I wish you luck.

Thumper

Some thoughts - remove the meds from dad and have the school give them on Friday morning.

If your son just needs to take his log out of his backpack and turn it in it doesn't matter who has him in the morning. If he is leaving it at his dad's house, see if he can turn in his reading log on Thursday morning. He'll have one fewer days written in but better then no log at all.

Is your son on a 504 plan or IEP? If so these accommodations shouldn't be that difficult to get. I wouldn't get anywhere with getting my xah to do it either. I'd either have to work around it, or keep him on Thursday nights.

I would also log your conversations with the school - both for a record with the school, and a record about xah's commitment to parenting. It could be important in both places down the line.

I also have a child with ADHD. His grades would go up an entire letter grade if he'd just bring the work home, do the work (not the major issue actually), and then get it all the way to the teachers desk after it was done. :sigh:

nodaybut2day

How about getting the teacher to call your XAH? Maybe if he heard from her, he wouldn't feel it was "nagging".

Also, perhaps you could send him an email reminder or something like that, so that you don't have to deal with him over the phone.

How about getting your son a watch that beeps in the morning, to remind him to take his meds?

I'm trying to wrack my brain for more ideas...

TakingCharge999

Also, perhaps you could send him an email reminder

Also some email apps have automatic rules so you can set up your account to automatically send the email or the follow up alert so you don't have to do it every week.

It would be great if the teacher can call the man. As a codie I know I wake up when I hear the same from several people, perhaps with him its the same and he realizes how he is affecting his kid.

Hugs!!

Cyranoak

...is likely a waste of time in my humble opinion, and may do more harm than good (and it appears you already know that). With all due respect, knowing what you know about him, do you believe he has the ability and/or motivation to do it?

Also, your boy is only eight, and while teaching children to stand on their own two feet is very important, I believe it is unrealistic to expect an eight year old to remember to do their homework and take their meds (especially if he's more mature that his adult dad, and/or if his dad is sabatoging it (and I'm sure he is overtly or subliminally).

I know this is a difficult situation and I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. As always in these situations the real victim is the child. My opinion here is formed by seven years in Al-Anon, a RAW, a 15-year old daughter on meds (who forgets to take them and does not turn in homework), and as an ex-high school teacher who was often on the school side of situations similar to this.

If you are able to change your standing appointment to another day you can solve for the reading log issue (or if they'll let it be turned in on Monday's which I think would be reasonable), but unless your boy's school is willing and able to administer the meds, once a week he's going to wing it au natural.

Take care and good luck!

Cyranoak

keepinon

The school should accomadate you with the meds..as for the reading log..can he turn it in early like Thur. morning? Waste of breath to deal with the AH...although the teacher saying it could possibly have a an effect (who r we kidding?). Glad the meds are working..my son was 7 when he started and it really helped him too.

Thumper

That is an awesome idea if he'll wear a watch - and assuming his dad is just forgetting. My xah doesn't believe in the meds (and he likes to be obstinate ) so I'm not sure he'd give them even if my son went up and asked for them.

Remember - the ADHD came from somewhere. Most of the time a parent. If it is his dad, and it is untreated/acknowledged, it is sort of like the blind leading the blind.

vujade

Great thoughts. Thanks so much. I agree with you, Cyranok. I don't want to expect my little guy to have to be a parent. Because he has ADD, it is difficult for him to remember anyway and when he is staying with a parent who doesn't make it a priority, he has no reason to try to remember.

I love the idea of having the school administer the meds on Fridays. I am certain they would do it. Also...maybe I can work it out with the teacher to have C turn in his reading log every Thursday and start his reading on Sunday nights instead of Monday nights. Its not just that the log doesn't get turned in, its that it doesn't get turned in because it isn't complete and isn't signed by a parent. If we could get his four days in early, and he could turn it in on Thursday, it wouldn't be an issue.

When I spoke with his teacher, she told me that she would be happy to sit down with the two of us and discuss the meds/homework thing but she doesn't want to get into the challenge of speaking with us separately. I understand. She isn't our mediator.

Thanks so much everyone! I appreciate the suggestions - definitely helped.