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Why couldn't I have married a happy drunk

Old 12-17-2010, 05:43 PM
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Why couldn't I have married a happy drunk

What luck. If I had to marry an aw couldn't she of been a happy one. I have to deal with a low functioning aw who's sole purpose in life is to have fun. No job, no hobbies, no volunteer work, just going to bars or sitting around a table drinking with her "friends." were talking late forties here. I know I'm an enabler but can't blame a guy for making a good living. Don't think she could hold down a job even if we were trolls living under a bridge. I could have at least found some happiness in this marriage if she had a decent temperament but she has a personality of a pit bull when she drinks. Very aggressive. Right now she's drunk ranting on the phone what a miserable husband I am cause I made a comment about her drinking. Shoulda kept my mouth shut but couldn't help it. Oh well.
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Old 12-17-2010, 05:47 PM
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You could take some of that good money and go get a comfy hotel room for the night or weekend. Order up some room service. Go to the gym and a spa.

Treat yourself right first of all.
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Old 12-17-2010, 07:09 PM
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I was with a "happy drunk" for almost 5 years. As the disease progresses they become mean too. I've determined there is no happy drunk.
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Old 12-17-2010, 08:22 PM
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Marriage to an alcoholic is no fun whether they are happy or mean drunks. Alcoholism sucks. It does not make for a good family relationship!

Glad you're here. She will just continue to do what she will do - which in the case of a mean drunk is just more mean drinking.

But you, you are free to choose joy in your life. It may take some doing, but you can find peace of mind whether she drinks or not!

Peace-
B
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Old 12-17-2010, 08:27 PM
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Agree, happy or not drunk, none of it is fun. I had a happy drunk for years...everyone thought I was the "b" because I couldn't stand his drinking and "gee, he's just having fun, leave him alone!" Yeah, they didn't have to live with it.
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Old 12-17-2010, 08:30 PM
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Hi, Midwestman, my first thought was "I wish I could have married a nice drunk, too."

Wait! If I'm wishing here, why would I settle for a nice drunk - why not a nice guy without a drinking problem....

Wishing you peace.
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Old 12-17-2010, 09:12 PM
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My ex-husband would start out very friendly and jovial.
It would slowly slide into speaking louder and getting argumentative.
Then inevitably, he would get so loud and obnoxious he had to leave where he was under the threat of police being called.

this would happen in the course of one evening.

I was a miserable drunk, just depressed, withdrawn, a shadow in my own life.

Please get some help for you, it will not improve until she wants to.

Beth
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Old 12-17-2010, 10:35 PM
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Mine stayed happy for the duration of the first beer. He got progressively worse with each beer and it was like flipping a light switch going from happy to mean, obnoxious, angry, argumentative then, finally, miserable and depressed. As I recall, the process from "happy to the inevitible took all of half an hour.

He may have been "happy" during this short time but I was miserable and on edge because I knew what was coming. No fun for anyone..........
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Old 12-18-2010, 04:59 AM
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well, i know happy drunks and they are no walk in the park either. unless you like hearing the same drawn out joke over and over, the drunken laughter, the slurry talk. yeah, they aren't violent but it's like babysitting a 3 year old. except a 3 year old is sober and fresh and the happy drunk is just a sloppy mess.

you know, you don't have to live like this if you don't want to. it's your life, afterall. consider putting some boundaries in place to protect yourself.

i hope you keep reading and posting.

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Old 12-18-2010, 05:50 AM
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well, i know happy drunks and they are no walk in the park either. unless you like hearing the same drawn out joke over and over, the drunken laughter, the slurry talk. yeah, they aren't violent but it's like babysitting a 3 year old. except a 3 year old is sober and fresh and the happy drunk is just a sloppy mess.
Exactly. Give me the 3-year-old. They have more maturity.
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Old 12-18-2010, 02:56 PM
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So true Naive. You become the nanny to a giant toddler and then I remembered how his liver was probably a mess, his brain shrunk and his blood pressure through the roof and even the funniest, loving drunk is a tragic person to spend time with.
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Old 12-18-2010, 04:10 PM
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Ty all for your thoughts. I realize that any type of alcoholic is tough to live with. The only personal experience I have is with my AW. Right now she sober and nice and cooking dinner, sweet as can be. Like jeckyl and Hyde. I can see the storm brewing though. By tomorrow she will get that look and the itch to drink and you can see how she starts formulating the lies to go drinking. Then she will disappear for hours and come back with that angry drunk persona. One word from me and doors start slamming. Funny she always tells me that she's getting her hair and nails done. Found out the other day that these salons serve alcohol and that many AW go there to drink. Kinda like another type of bar. Never knew that.
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Old 12-18-2010, 04:42 PM
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Man I forgot about the "full service" salons. My axw actually got so drunk on wine at one here in town, she was "invited" to leave and was told to never come back......banned.

Pretty funny in retrospect. Then, not so much.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 12-18-2010, 05:01 PM
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Originally Posted by goldengirl3 View Post
Exactly. Give me the 3-year-old. They have more maturity.
And......
they don't drive!!!!!
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Old 12-18-2010, 11:31 PM
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Originally Posted by goldengirl3
Exactly. Give me the 3-year-old. They have more maturity.
Originally Posted by wicked View Post
And......
they don't drive!!!!!
Neither does my ABF. 2 DUI'S, unpaid fines and my refusal (in spite of many pleas from him) to help him pay down those fines have kept him off the road.

A three year old had more maturity than he did when I refused to help him pay the fines down-I thought he was going to threaten to hold his breath, turn blue and have a tantrum.
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Old 12-19-2010, 02:02 PM
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Being a "happy drunk" is contradictory to the physical reactions caused by alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, which means it slows the function of the central nervous system. Alcohol actually blocks some of the messages trying to get to the brain. This alters a person's perceptions, emotions, movement, vision, and hearing. In very small amounts, alcohol can help a person feel more relaxed or less anxious. More alcohol causes greater changes in the brain, resulting in intoxication. People who have overused alcohol may stagger, lose their coordination, and slur their speech. They will probably be confused and disoriented. Depending on the person, intoxication can make someone very friendly and talkative or very aggressive and angry. Reaction times are slowed dramatically — which is why people are told not to drink and drive. People who are intoxicated may think they're moving properly when they're not. They may act totally out of character.

I'm trying real hard myself to keep my mouth shut! I know how hard it is to keep quite when the alcoholic starts spurting everything that pops in their minds. I'm not married to someone I would classify as a happy drunk. He just went to his psychiatrist, according to him, has told him to stop holding in his negative thoughts and start to express them. I consider myself an optimistic person. :bounce Our relationship right now feels like sand paper!

naive wrote "well, i know happy drunks and they are no walk in the park either. unless you like hearing the same drawn out joke over and over, the drunken laughter, the slurry talk. yeah, they aren't violent but it's like babysitting a 3 year old. except a 3 year old is sober and fresh and the happy drunk is just a sloppy mess." I understand all to well about "hearing the same drawn out joke over and over, the drunken laughter, the slurry talk." Maybe with a three year old you could at least tell them to shut up! My husband gets upset when he is interrupted while talking. :horse The problem is a person never knews when he has stopped talking!

HEAVEN, HELP US!
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