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Off Balance, but won't dance

Old 12-16-2010, 10:52 AM
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Skipper
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Off Balance, but won't dance

I will not dance the Codie dance today. No sirree.

I am waiting for the serenity to rain down upon my very nicely done hair.

Gulp...I may need some help from SR. HP knows I need a meeting.

My child and I are leaving town for 2 weeks to see my family for the holidays. I'm looking forward to it, even though I'm probably jumping from the frying pan into the fire. I have 2 ABs and one Queen Codie Mom. We are blessed with some decent, sane people in the family, though, and I plan to gravitate toward them for most of the time we're there. I also plan to attend Al-anon meetings there, which will be easier since I'll have free child care while there.

Last night, ABF came over to spend a Family Date Night evening with us. We ordered Wings and pizza and watched "Christmas Vacation".

I set myself up for misery. I had some expectations. Ooops. The night was terrible. On top of that, ABF had sneaked in a bottle. He wouldn't sit near me because he knew I'd smell it.

He was going to come over today so I could finish packing and just see him one on one while child in school. I hadn't heard from him, so I called his mom, who put him on the phone. He was already cursing because his computer wasn't working. I very calmly told him I was sorry to hear that, and we hung up.

I'm disappointed I won't be seeing him before we leave, but honestly I'm relieved at the same time. He's so focused on his misery, he couldn't even see any positive in spending a little time with me. I know, intellectually, that it's not me. I know I'm very cool to hang out with.

It still feels rotten.

Right now.

Thanks for letting me get this out.
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Old 12-16-2010, 11:44 AM
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I've never had the opportunity to attend an out of town Al-Anon meeting, we get frequent visitors, and I've always said I'd love to when the chance arises.

I wonder if anyone has an extended family without at least a hand full of drunks? The longer I'm in recovery, the more pervasive alcoholism seems to be. Oh well, can't un-ring that bell.

Enjoy the holidays, and maybe try to see todays lack of contact as a gift from you know who.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 12-16-2010, 11:58 AM
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Thank you, Coyote,

I think it was God trying to tell me to Take it Easy. One Day at a Time. It's just a day, and really, what a glorious, beautiful day it is outside my window. I have Tollhouse cookies baking and the Christmas lights on today.

I checked my messages, and ABF left a message on my FB inbox: >>>>I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated with everything. I've never felt this depressed and hopeless.<<<<<<

My first instinct is to say I'm sorry, too. But, why? I want to tell him I love him. And I do. But...really...why....?

Going for a long trip is always hard for me. Highway driving feels weird after I lost my SIL and young nephew in a car accident a few years ago. I want to tell everyone how much I love them before every trip...but this time. I think I should stay silent for now.

I'll 'wag more, bark less' as your tagline says.
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Old 12-16-2010, 02:59 PM
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Thanks, Rayn, for the compliments!! I will always accept a compliment.

In my real life, I honestly don't know many normies. I do hang out with the few I know as often as possible. As far as vacationing, child and I will soon enough, when our finances allow it. I'm a single mom who goes to school full time and works all the time. Our trip back home is inexpensive, and a long time coming. We haven't been back home for a holiday in six years.

I think Child and I will vacation during Spring Break and then again during Summer Break sometime.

Thank you for reminding me to do that. I will make sure we make time for a 'real' vacation on our next school break. And then again.

You're the BEST.
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Old 12-16-2010, 03:04 PM
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Sorry to hear he is not willing to step up, slipper. You are doing amazingly well in your recovery, though.

See, there can be some peace among the nonsense. Hope you have a lovely vacation.
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Old 12-16-2010, 08:38 PM
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skippernlilg, remember the old adage "Silence is golden". I wish you a very Merry Christmas. Phoenix


Sorry. I don't know why this came out so big!
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