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success without a program?

Old 12-15-2010, 01:58 PM
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success without a program?

I am the adult daughter of an alcoholic... He didn't seriously address that he had a problem until he ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisioning. I'll tell you more if you think you need to know, but my question is:

How important is an official program to success in not drinking? AD won't join a program and thinks everyone that he met in rehab is way worse than him.
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Old 12-15-2010, 02:04 PM
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AD is alcoholic dad? Sometimes that means Alcoholic Daughter! Usually people use AF (father) anyhooooooo sorry!!

My dad was an A too (AD!!)

Official programs don't matter - what matters is the addict's willingness to change and face themselves as a sober person - for my dad nothing worked till he went to AA. He went pretty regularly for about a year and then less and less. But he was a CHANGED person. And he lived his last 20 years sober and very, very serene and happy.

Recovery is real and so obvious when you see it. There are no more excuses, no more "oh I am not as bad as those people" no more "that doesn't work for ME" etc.

When my dad finally recovered he said he had to learn not to compare - anyone he met in AA who was "worse off" than him was just experiencing things he hadn't experienced "yet!" Things he realized (on his own) that he would experience if he kept drinking.

Have you tried AlAnon for yourself? It really turned my head around.

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Old 12-15-2010, 02:14 PM
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I think "just quitting" doesn't work for most people, in that they don't necessarily address all the inherent problems of which alcoholism is a symptom. Recovery doesn't have to include AA, but IMO it is rather important that your AF be in counselling, and more specifically with a counsellor trained in addiction.
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Old 12-15-2010, 02:25 PM
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Rarely, but sometimes. Very rarely. However, if his drinking and choices are a problem for you I highly recommend Al-Anon for you. It changed me life. Did I mention it's for and about you?

Back to your question, the program does not necessarily need to be AA, though it is the oldest and one of the most successful. People have found success in other programs.
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Old 12-15-2010, 02:33 PM
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I don't think it's as rare as you might think. There are several of us here who didn't use a formal program and have managed to stop drinking and live a quality life for years. As I said in your other thread, I don't think it's fair to say your father isn't serious about recovery just because he doesn't use AA. Everyone is different and while programs like AA have helped many, many people, that doesn't mean that anyone who stops on their own will ultimately fail.
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Old 12-15-2010, 03:51 PM
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My exA has been dry/sober for 3 years now. Stopped cold turkey after drinking 24/7 for nearly 10 years at home and hasn't touched a drop since. He doesn't have any program of recovery and he didn't change too much after stopping unfortunately, but he's not drinking so that's gotta be better than 27/7 drunkeness, definitely health wise at least.
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Old 12-15-2010, 04:03 PM
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I'm not aware of any statistics that decribe this. I know there are some out there although I've heard peopel debate the flaws of different types of data on different types of programmes, and no programmes.

There are no guarantees, no absolutes (or should that be "almost no absolutes"!?) and this really is his path to tread, the way that works for him. You can look into support for yourself in undoing any damage his drinking may have done to the family psyche. You can watch his behaviour, see if it is the sort of behaviour you are comfortable to be around right now, and if so, be around it.
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Old 12-15-2010, 04:29 PM
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I know I couldn't recover without Alanon..alot of people with addictions need structure and to relearn how to live in a healthy way.Whenever I hear someone saying that they aren't "as bad as the rest of those people" my ears ***** up...makes me wonder about how real they are being in terms of their addiction.They may have had a "high bottom", but they are no less of an addict.
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