My continued journey
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
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My continued journey
Post-divorce, I have a lot more time on my hands. (Funny, huh, how even when I have three kids to deal with, I have more time and energy than when we were two parents...)
Where I am at in my journey right now is very much like the moving process I've been in the middle of for four months: There are boxes and boxes of stuff, and I don't know what I want to keep, what I really care about, and what I want to get rid of. I go through boxes, I get overwhelmed, I stop for a few days, and then I continue.
Mentally, emotionally, the sorting is about discovering what is me, what is him, and what I'm really not sure about and need to continue thinking about. I'm finding that I took over a lot of the A's beliefs about things, and now that I have the headspace to ponder seriously, I'm reclaiming my beliefs. About me, about other people, about faith, about politics. I'm really enjoying the opportunity to explore all those areas without constantly being told what I'm thinking is wrong or stupid or sinful. I feel like I'm out hiking without a map, and I'm surprising myself by not being afraid of getting lost.
Most of my time, however, is spent listening to my children, listening to their reactions, their hopes, their dreams, their beliefs, their laughter, and their tantrums.
And that, too, gives me hope, because I feel like we were all fruits growing inside glass bottles, limited by what RXAH allowed us to think, believe, and say. And now, we're growing wildly and freely and none of us will perfectly conform to anything, but we're all being real, and true to ourselves.
I just wanted to give a positive picture of what life can look like on the other side, because I spent so many years despairing that I would ever be on this side. It's beautiful here. Painful, as all growth, but beautiful.
Where I am at in my journey right now is very much like the moving process I've been in the middle of for four months: There are boxes and boxes of stuff, and I don't know what I want to keep, what I really care about, and what I want to get rid of. I go through boxes, I get overwhelmed, I stop for a few days, and then I continue.
Mentally, emotionally, the sorting is about discovering what is me, what is him, and what I'm really not sure about and need to continue thinking about. I'm finding that I took over a lot of the A's beliefs about things, and now that I have the headspace to ponder seriously, I'm reclaiming my beliefs. About me, about other people, about faith, about politics. I'm really enjoying the opportunity to explore all those areas without constantly being told what I'm thinking is wrong or stupid or sinful. I feel like I'm out hiking without a map, and I'm surprising myself by not being afraid of getting lost.
Most of my time, however, is spent listening to my children, listening to their reactions, their hopes, their dreams, their beliefs, their laughter, and their tantrums.
And that, too, gives me hope, because I feel like we were all fruits growing inside glass bottles, limited by what RXAH allowed us to think, believe, and say. And now, we're growing wildly and freely and none of us will perfectly conform to anything, but we're all being real, and true to ourselves.I just wanted to give a positive picture of what life can look like on the other side, because I spent so many years despairing that I would ever be on this side. It's beautiful here. Painful, as all growth, but beautiful.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
Thank you for your words of encouragement! I am only 3 days out and I know it will get easier. I too took on a lot of beliefs of his or attitudes or just became someone I am not to not cause any more friction than there was. I am looking forward to getting my spirit back and wish that for you too! Much peace to you and Strength!
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Originally Posted by lillamy 
... because I feel like we were all fruits growing inside glass bottles, limited by what RXAH allowed us to think, believe, and say...
Congrats on your freedom!
7CLMI
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
What a wonderful thread. I am living a similar path getting to know who I really am. I just came back from a holiday and when I arrived to my hotel room I wanted to cry. There was no one there insulting me. There was no one there making me feel ugly or fat or dumb or boring or all of that. Alcohol was NOT the only thing that existed and people were so incredibly kind to me. It was beautiful. Painful but so beautiful to feel freedom and realize what an alcoholic says or does has NOTHING to do with reality. I am moving out and unpacking, too. Whew. It is so great you are now safe with your kids and no one in your household is walking on eggshells anymore. Congratulations and hugs.
-Tc999
-Tc999
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