not a good day
 

i haven't been on here in a while but today i just can't cope alone. my AH was so drunk yesterday but i wrote if off as being "football" day. i know, i know, i shouldn't make excuses for him. but the worst of it is that he's already drunk today. i just want to go home to a normal husband. i want to have a normal conversation. i want to talk about Christmas plans and our vacation coming up but it so HARD to talk to him when he's like this. i can't bare today and on top of everying i came to work still sick. i want to stop the anxiety inside me right now before i explode....... i do try so hard to "detach" myself from him and his drinking but he's so "in your face" when he drinks that its so annoying. i just can't go home and i'm so tired and sick and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Hi breakingglass, please know that you have the support from many of us who have had too many of those "not a good day(s)." Sending you positive energy and big hugs. . .

You know what you have to do...
 

...and we both know how hard it is to do it. However, there is no other choice and I'll send my thoughts your way.

I left and divorced AW after several years of what I consider to be husband and child abuse on her part even though it wasn't physical, , and we were No Contact for two full years other than exchanging our daughter. She was alone without my support during that time (except her car and phone, and only because we share a daughter), and it was the best thing I ever did.

I'm positive that the biggest reason we are together today is because I left her and was working (and continue to work) my own program of recovery in Al-Anon. It was not a guarantee and could easily have gone another direction, but in our specific situation we ended up with the opportunity to be together again and I'm glad of it on this day.

Take care,

Cyranoak

P.s. I'm no longer in hell.

I know that anxiety, breakkingglass. I called it "churning" and it ruined so many years of my precious life. Do something extra good for yourself - warm bath, house beautiful, vogue, ladies home journal, people magazine, a pedicure, a book, an electric blanket?

something to make you cozy, secure and happy. maybe a brisk walk and then a bath?

Hugs to you. Been there more days than I care to remember.

i just want to go home to a normal husband. i want to have a normal conversation.

You can have this. If you really really REALLY want it.
Hugs your way. You can't cure him.

i have a few minutes to write and thought i'd say thanks for all the support. it is true, i can't save him. but i can save myself and if i keep repeating that over and over again in my head i know i will get though this. its so hard when you really love someone and care about them.

((((((((breakingglass)))))))))

Just hugs!

Peace-
B