EX contacted me today
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
Posts: 384
Not sending that email was a good move, because no matter what, most likely his now, next & the next... gf will find out what you found out, sooner or later. Maybe there are some that get better, with AA. I know for me, there are no thoughts that mine gave another woman better years (that I could have, ha) The gf after me, found out sooner me, I do know that & regret that I held on soo long. But I learned a lesson the really hard way...
Who says you have to even answer the phone...
Who says you have to even answer the phone...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
well since alcoholism is progressive.....the relationships my X formed after me were worse and worse and worse.
and if yours is acting the way he is.....I would bet you next year's Christmas dinner that his will continue to detiorate as well.
It is the nature of the beast.
and if yours is acting the way he is.....I would bet you next year's Christmas dinner that his will continue to detiorate as well.
It is the nature of the beast.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I am not striving to be perfect. sainthood just isn't within my reach.
now, i dont know how well that would work, havent been to confession in over 20 years, but if you want that sainthood, i will be glad to do the paperwork.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
yes rayn,
very well said.
yeah, unfortunately, sick people just attract other sick people.
okay, speaking for myself. i was alcoholic and codependent, thinking i could help someone that was an alcoholic.
more drunk philosophy for ya.
very well said.
yeah, unfortunately, sick people just attract other sick people.
okay, speaking for myself. i was alcoholic and codependent, thinking i could help someone that was an alcoholic.
more drunk philosophy for ya.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Pig Pickins are the height of southern hospitality.
One huge pig, on a turner, roasting slowly over coals that are in a shallow hole.
It takes a long, long time because you want the pig to cook slowly to be tender.
while the pig is roasting, other fine vegetables that you are only forced to eat in the south are prepared, like black eyed peas and okra. Cornbread is served too.
Now, it is called a pig pickin because the entire pig is taken off the stick when it is done, and each person comes up and picks there favorite part of the pig.
If there are redneck drunks at the pickin, it is best to stay out of their way, and then get your own piece of pig.
Boy, I do miss a good pig pickin, I could do without the drunks though.
LOL
Beth.
Oh yeah, and lots of peanut butter, chocolate and gooey stuff like that for dessert.
Lovely way to spend a warm spring day in North Carolina.
One huge pig, on a turner, roasting slowly over coals that are in a shallow hole.
It takes a long, long time because you want the pig to cook slowly to be tender.
while the pig is roasting, other fine vegetables that you are only forced to eat in the south are prepared, like black eyed peas and okra. Cornbread is served too.
Now, it is called a pig pickin because the entire pig is taken off the stick when it is done, and each person comes up and picks there favorite part of the pig.
If there are redneck drunks at the pickin, it is best to stay out of their way, and then get your own piece of pig.
Boy, I do miss a good pig pickin, I could do without the drunks though.
LOL
Beth.
Oh yeah, and lots of peanut butter, chocolate and gooey stuff like that for dessert.
Lovely way to spend a warm spring day in North Carolina.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I am just in a good mood. it happens when I like my dinner. LOL
we have been discussing this gal party for awhile. shoot we even had photos of the floaties on one thread!
who needs alcohol? we can have loads of fun and more with our indominatable spirits within!
If this life doesn't give you a sense of humor...well,...hang around!
I paid my dues on the crying days (okay, weeks, months, years)
we have been discussing this gal party for awhile. shoot we even had photos of the floaties on one thread!
who needs alcohol? we can have loads of fun and more with our indominatable spirits within!
If this life doesn't give you a sense of humor...well,...hang around!
I paid my dues on the crying days (okay, weeks, months, years)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
yeah, i think i am feeling a little punch drunk silly tonight.
i miss azaleas in Georgia too.
Yep, they are talking snow here this weekend,
I think i have had enough of that.
pig pickin here i come!
i miss azaleas in Georgia too.
Yep, they are talking snow here this weekend,
I think i have had enough of that.
pig pickin here i come!
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Originally Posted by BumblingAlong 
I fear that he'll find true love and sublime happiness with her. It scares me because then, the reason we didn't work out is because of ME. Is that the codie in me talking?
Doesn't detract in anyway from my own pancakey sweetness. Their relative 'worth'/'success' doesn't determine mine.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
Ugh, it's all so crazy, isn't it? I hope you can find some peace today, Bumbling.
Have you seen these posts from the stickies at the top of the page?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...special-i.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pecial-ii.html
They might help you make some sense of the situation.
Have you seen these posts from the stickies at the top of the page?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...special-i.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pecial-ii.html
They might help you make some sense of the situation.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Hi darlin' - Just want to make a wee suggestion about the cell phone situation. No need to turn it off so you don't miss calls from your REAL friends.... but change the ringtone to "silent" and change his name to "Don't Answer!!!" or "Asswipe" or "Lying Cheating Scumbag".... whatever suits you. It does help!
Just try to remember this one thing above all else: No Contact is the key to your happiness. I know you don't see it so clearly now, but you will. It's the One Thing that will speed your healing above all else. When you feel like making contact or answering a call, delay it....and come here instead or journal whatever it is you want to say. Trust me....I have been exactly where you are now and No Contact is what finally got me out of the hole.
XOXOXO
Just try to remember this one thing above all else: No Contact is the key to your happiness. I know you don't see it so clearly now, but you will. It's the One Thing that will speed your healing above all else. When you feel like making contact or answering a call, delay it....and come here instead or journal whatever it is you want to say. Trust me....I have been exactly where you are now and No Contact is what finally got me out of the hole.
XOXOXO
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 132
Bolina - WOW! How incredible!
I've never read those stickies before. Thank you for posting the links.
It's so true! I plan to read them often to keep reminding myself that nothing has changed with him. Although he's sober, he's still working the same game.
Those words are SO powerful to me. I realize that once the "honeymoon" is over, he'll start treating her the same way he treated me. Except now, he doesn't have his favourite excuse anymore (the famous "but I was a drunk then").
It's almost as if the person who wrote that KNOWS him. But I guess she does. Because in so many ways, they're so alike.
I needed this today - to read that. To calm my anxiety. I have plans today with a good friend in downtown Toronto; we're going to do some Christmas shopping, we're going to take in the Christmas spirit and we have plans for a nice dinner. I'm going to do my hair and make-up, wear something warm and cozy and release this crazy feeling I've had the past 24 hours.
Thank you everyone! I don't know what I'd do without you!
I've never read those stickies before. Thank you for posting the links.
It's so true! I plan to read them often to keep reminding myself that nothing has changed with him. Although he's sober, he's still working the same game.
Those words are SO powerful to me. I realize that once the "honeymoon" is over, he'll start treating her the same way he treated me. Except now, he doesn't have his favourite excuse anymore (the famous "but I was a drunk then").
It's almost as if the person who wrote that KNOWS him. But I guess she does. Because in so many ways, they're so alike.
I needed this today - to read that. To calm my anxiety. I have plans today with a good friend in downtown Toronto; we're going to do some Christmas shopping, we're going to take in the Christmas spirit and we have plans for a nice dinner. I'm going to do my hair and make-up, wear something warm and cozy and release this crazy feeling I've had the past 24 hours.
Thank you everyone! I don't know what I'd do without you!
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Oh, gosh!! That was a terrible experience for you. When I read this, though, (and smack me if you'd like) I had to laugh out LOUD.
He is telling you how wonderful everything is?!!! If everything was so wonderful in his life with this new victim, then why in the world would he feel the need to call you to announce it so?
"He doth protesteth too much" comes to mind.
((((HUGS)))). He is not happy. He's not moving along in his sobriety and in his life at all. I know that's sad to hear, in a way, but also kind of nice to know you were right all along to quit with him. For you!
I have put aside my compulsions to 'check up on' my ABF in his personal relationships with other women. I know he's just looking for a reason to justify his behavior and an accomplice. I won't be her (the accomplice).
He is telling you how wonderful everything is?!!! If everything was so wonderful in his life with this new victim, then why in the world would he feel the need to call you to announce it so?
"He doth protesteth too much" comes to mind.
((((HUGS)))). He is not happy. He's not moving along in his sobriety and in his life at all. I know that's sad to hear, in a way, but also kind of nice to know you were right all along to quit with him. For you!
I have put aside my compulsions to 'check up on' my ABF in his personal relationships with other women. I know he's just looking for a reason to justify his behavior and an accomplice. I won't be her (the accomplice).
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by skippernlilg
He is telling you how wonderful everything is?!!! If everything was so wonderful in his life with this new victim, then why in the world would he feel the need to call you to announce it so? .
I highly suggest reading "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I am interested in that book.
I am interested in that party. I do not eat pork but it sounds fun anyway LOL
Funny XABF also rubbed his new hostage err I meant "relationship" to me. WTF. When you think they are done hurting you there comes something worse. That is why going NO CONTACT is the only way. Its like they get more tools in their arsenal everyday. Its just horrible.
I believe they are not very different from codies in that they seriously lacked love and attention as children. Regarding happiness, what has helped me is to understand his happiness. His happiness is dinner at Hooters, and playing World of Warcraft with a beer on his hand, listening to Sonata Artica, Nightwish ALL night.
My happiness can't be described with words and I have found great peace when in touch with nature and doing yoga/meditations. I am a deeply spiritual person. Once you start feeding your soul with beauty who cares if the guy is having meaningless sex with whoever, making empty promises to get attention, or if he is having a blast mimicking a starved wolf at HOOTERS. Honestly I am stopping to care about shallow evasions of reality. Anyone else's feelings have NOTHING to do with your world. Ok you'll have bad days, but you'll also reap rewards, have good days, receive all sorts of gifts from life and all those are yours, too.
Also I am of the idea that anyone drinking too much alcohol, taking drugs, smoking cigs, getting lost in a videogame, porn etc etc, is FAR, FAR away from any lasting real happiness. All those actions show self hate and self abandonment. Nothing worthwhile will come from their relationships, in the end no one can hide who he truly is. The show always ends regardless of how great the actor is.
Life is rich and whatever happens to him or anyone else does not take away anything from you.
Sometimes I am glad he has some other distraction so I can finally find peace and learn and NEVER, EVER, find a jerk like XABF desirable or attractive at ALL and run for the hills next time something similar crosses my path.
I am interested in that party. I do not eat pork but it sounds fun anyway LOL
Funny XABF also rubbed his new hostage err I meant "relationship" to me. WTF. When you think they are done hurting you there comes something worse. That is why going NO CONTACT is the only way. Its like they get more tools in their arsenal everyday. Its just horrible.
I believe they are not very different from codies in that they seriously lacked love and attention as children. Regarding happiness, what has helped me is to understand his happiness. His happiness is dinner at Hooters, and playing World of Warcraft with a beer on his hand, listening to Sonata Artica, Nightwish ALL night.
My happiness can't be described with words and I have found great peace when in touch with nature and doing yoga/meditations. I am a deeply spiritual person. Once you start feeding your soul with beauty who cares if the guy is having meaningless sex with whoever, making empty promises to get attention, or if he is having a blast mimicking a starved wolf at HOOTERS. Honestly I am stopping to care about shallow evasions of reality. Anyone else's feelings have NOTHING to do with your world. Ok you'll have bad days, but you'll also reap rewards, have good days, receive all sorts of gifts from life and all those are yours, too.
Also I am of the idea that anyone drinking too much alcohol, taking drugs, smoking cigs, getting lost in a videogame, porn etc etc, is FAR, FAR away from any lasting real happiness. All those actions show self hate and self abandonment. Nothing worthwhile will come from their relationships, in the end no one can hide who he truly is. The show always ends regardless of how great the actor is.
Life is rich and whatever happens to him or anyone else does not take away anything from you.
Sometimes I am glad he has some other distraction so I can finally find peace and learn and NEVER, EVER, find a jerk like XABF desirable or attractive at ALL and run for the hills next time something similar crosses my path.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
