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Sooooo frustrated with the roller coaster ride

Old 12-09-2010, 01:52 PM
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Rising from the Ashes
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Sooooo frustrated with the roller coaster ride

I am getting sooooo frustrated with the roller coaster ride my dry drunk tries to put me on!

We haven't been getting along very well lately. He ended up spending the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving Day at a Motel 6. Early on Thanksgiving Day, somehow, he managed to fall in the shower. He suffered a head concussion and fractured vertebrates in his neck. After he got dressed he went to the front desk to file an incident report. Some "words" were exchanged between him and the desk clerk. He ended up throwing the motel magnet card at the motel clerk. She called the police and supposedly filed battery charges on him. He came back home, and then went to get medical treatment for his pain he suffered from the fall. Well, now he is complaining about the medical treatment he is receiving.

He has been psycholical abusive to me and my two sons. It got so bad that I had to reach out to the Texas Department of Family and Protective Service for their help. First thing yesterday morning he went to the ER. Thank goodness for pain medicine. He slept most of the day and night. This morning he had a doctor's appointment. Before he left he just acted like everything was normal. I don't feel like everything is normal! It feels as if the other shoe will drop at any time! I feel if I let down my guard down, his abuse will begin again.

I'm wondering when will his actions catch up to him? He's dealing with medical doctors why can't they see what is going on with him? I know that they know what he is like......he just can't hide his anger!

I have been able to recognize my relationship with my DDH is psychological and emotional abuse. The effects of being put down, chronically neglected, and made to feel "crazy" are tremendously damaging. The reality is my DDH is supposed to love me, yet how he treats me and his sons is very difficult to swallow and accept.

I did an internet surf and found a helpful free ebook "Strategies For Escaping Emotional Abuse" written by Sharon Cook.

She, also, listed the following 5 strategies that will help counteract the messages my psychological abuser is giving me about myself:

1. Take care of your physical body. The mind and body are connected in profound ways, and caring for one will improve the state of the other. Eat healthy meals, take vitamins and supplements if necessary, and initiate an exercise program (check with your doctor first).

2. Enlist the aid of a counselor who specializes in abuse issues. A counselor is vital in cases where there is any concern that the emotional abuse could become physical, but even in non-physical cases of psychological abuse, a professional unbiased therapist will be of tremendous value in resetting the mindset your abuser
has pushed upon you.

3. Gather your trusted friends and family close to you to help you "reprogram" your thinking about yourself. Your abuser has an agenda to make you feel inferior, less moral, less intelligent, or even crazy, in order to control you. Listen to your friends and family who love you and will give you a different assessment of who you are. They have no reason not to tell you the truth.

4. Do one thing every day that honors you and your preferences. Make a list of small kindnesses you can do for yourself. Each day, choose one and take the time and energy to do that thing to cherish yourself. You are worth it!

5. Whenever possible, avoid contact with your abuser. You will only receive negative messages as this person seeks to regain control of you and convince you that you need him or her to survive. You are competent, and capable of much more than you believe of yourself. If necessary, when the abuser talks to you, repeat "lalalalalalalalala" in your head to avoid taking in the negative messages.

I hope this information can help someone!

Love and Peace,
Phoenix

**************************************** **********

Last edited by Dee74; 12-09-2010 at 03:37 PM. Reason: removed links
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Old 12-09-2010, 02:33 PM
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Right there with you- Sorry we are on this ride together! I wish you a peaceful stress free night and holiday~
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Old 12-09-2010, 02:41 PM
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I really could never find a way to be exposed to abuse and remain okay.
I had to remove myself.
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Old 12-09-2010, 02:43 PM
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I appreciate this post, though I'm not personally involved in an abusive relationship.

There was one thing you posted on here that stood out to me, and I wanted to share a recent experience. Maybe it will help you with your perspective.

You wondered why his doctors hadn't noticed and/or addressed his mental/emotional issues, i.e. obvious angry behavior.

Well, they might have. If you're not in there with him, you really don't know what the doctors have said or suggested. I had to take my morbidly obese neighbor for a doc check up last week. My neighbor has an addiction to food. The doctor flat-out told my neighbor that if he did not lose 30% of his weight he would DIE. The doctor told him he could not do a kidney stone procedure because he was 125 pounds over the 300 pound threshhold allowed for that procedure. The doctor suggested lap-band procedure first since my neighbor has so many other life-threatening medical conditions related to his obesity. The doctor also told him that he could continue a healthy lifestyle with exercise in, perhaps, a pool program.

I was there when the doctor said these things to my neighbor, who is now becoming unable to drive himself anywhere or do much for himself because of his poor health.

When my neighbor got home, he told friends, family, and other neighbors, that the doctor suggested a pool program.

Huh?!!

See? What I'm saying is that the addicted will hear what they want and do what they want, and the doctor cannot do anything about it until the patient is ready.

I hope that helps.
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Old 12-09-2010, 11:56 PM
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I guess I have a "codie" question, per se. ? Previously I had been able to contact his doctor treating his neck, and asked him to review my husband for his personal problems while treating his neck. My DDH contacted the patient advocate about his perceived bad treatment. Today he had a doctor's appointment with, what I'm guessing, was the main staff physician of the clinic that is treating his neck. She had to be called in from her month long leave in order to treat my husband. She just got back from the Middle East. I'm afraid I might have gotten his first doctor in trouble because I had asked the clinic to help me and analyze my husband for his personal problems. He thought this first doctor was asking him to many personal questions that didn't pertain to his neck. As I look back on it, I feel he was just trying to help my husband recognize his personal problems and me. Part of me wants to locate this doctor and apologize to him, and part of me tells me the doctor will not get into trouble with the clinic, and just let it go. I would appreciate some feedback on what I should do.
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Old 12-10-2010, 01:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Phoenixthebird View Post
Part of me wants to locate this doctor and apologize to him, and part of me tells me the doctor will not get into trouble with the clinic, and just let it go. I would appreciate some feedback on what I should do.
Well, since you asked. I think you should take your hands completely off your husband's medical treatment, relationship with his doctor, etc. It's his business, not yours. You cannot change the past, and even if you did cause trouble for the doctor, an apology won't undo that.

Moving forward, concentrate on your own health and well-being. Leave your husband's issues for him to deal with.

L
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Old 12-10-2010, 06:57 PM
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Next time your DDH accuses YOU of not showing concern or interest in him or his health...ADMIT he is correct. Why should you be concerned, when he has shown that obviously is not really concerned about his own well-being, and has not been involved in your health problems either.

Leave him to his own devices, and concentrate your thinking on how you can assist yourself, and your sons to get rid of this millstone of misery from your lives.

Being incapacitated physically is hassle enough, as I know well....but being gutted by a couldn't give a damn, miserable old abuser is really too much to have to bear.

I feel so far away, and not knowing the laws of US States in relation to relationship breakdown and divorce, is a right pain in the butt, altho some of the posts on here have left me gob smacked at some legal rulings.
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