Wow, found out something yesterday

Old 12-07-2010, 07:05 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
pixilation's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Wow, found out something yesterday

Last year when AH kicked the kids and I out, I stayed with my sister. it was a very long and stressful 5 days, and I ended up coming back that Friday afternoon. On Saturday, he went and picked up the stuff that I had had left at my sisters house.

when he came back, he told me all sorts of things that they supposedly said about me. How my sister accused me of cheating on him, with one of my playgroup moms, how my sister and my mom both blamed me for everything, etc. All very nasty things, that honestly broke my heart.

yeah..he made it up. My sister came by my house yesterday, and we talked a bit. Told her about his DUI, etc. She never really knew it's been as bad as it is, I thought I had put that point across to her enough last year, but I hadn't. Then I asked her what they all said about me, and that's how I found out that he had lied about nearly all of it.

I'm going to talk to my mom on Sunday, and I'm letting it all spill now.
pixilation is offline  
Old 12-07-2010, 08:16 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
i think it was catlovermi who said to me "if you believe anything that an active alcoholic says, then you'll have to take responsibility for that"...

it was hard to swallow at the time, but i found it to be true.

glad you are speaking to your sister and mother about what's happenening.
naive is offline  
Old 12-07-2010, 08:29 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Arrrrgh! Is that not so maddening, and yet, you knew somewhere in there, probably, the truth.
Kudos for not just brewing in anger but instead bringing it up with her and getting to the bottom of it.
good stuff!
Buffalo66 is offline  
Old 12-07-2010, 08:35 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
pixilation's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Well, I did wonder why they were still trying to call me, email me, etc when they had said all those nasty things about me. but I actually believed him when he said he'd never lie to me.

God, I'm frakking heart sick right now. this last year has been the worst year ever, and it all could have been avoided.
pixilation is offline  
Old 12-07-2010, 09:31 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Awakening
 
coyote21's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by pixilation View Post
Well, I did wonder why they were still trying to call me, email me, etc when they had said all those nasty things about me. but I actually believed him when he said he'd never lie to me.

God, I'm frakking heart sick right now. this last year has been the worst year ever, and it all could have been avoided.
I had a very similar thing happen to me.

I had gone to visit one of my oldest childhood friends and his wife, after losing touch for several years.

Some time after my visit, my then aw relayed some similar "not very flattering" things that they had told her about me, and I actually believed HER. My bad.

This is a guy who goes all the way back to 5th grade, and his wife of 20 years always thought I hung the moon, no way would they bad mouth me to ANY one, much less my own wife, but again I believed it for years. MY BAD.

I've recently reconnected with them, and thought about asking them, but do I really need to? No.

Part of the alcoholic MO is to separate us from family and friends, and I allowed that to happen. If we have a support group in place, to run things by, half of the crap our alcoholics try to pitch us wouldn't fly.

"Divide and conquer" is a common alcoholic strategy. My axw pulled this off so slowly over many years that I never noticed. It wasn't till I was out of the chaotic alcoholic atmosphere for a while, that my head quit spinning and lots of things have become apparent to me.

Abusers use this same technique. Now that you are opening up to your friends and family, be prepared to find out lots more. It's like bazaaro land.

I don't think "normal" (what ever that is) people even think like this, which is part of the reason it is so effective. Who would ever in their wildest imagination, ever believe someone who professes to love us, would even dream of something so sinister and underhanded. Not to mention have the stones to actually attempt to pull it off. IDK. Boggles my mind if I let it!


Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
coyote21 is offline  
Old 12-07-2010, 09:51 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
"if you believe anything that an active alcoholic says, then you'll have to take responsibility for that"...
I want that on a t-shirt. Or a nice embroidered banner to hang in my kitchen.
lillamy is offline  
Old 12-07-2010, 10:38 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
HoopNinja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Perhaps a nice cross-stitch pillow for the living room

But boy--how true that is and how sad how easily we are duped-until we start to get healthy. And the separation you talk about coyote--that too I think is just a way to keep us believing their lies because we have no one to tell us we are nuts for believing such stuff.

Good for you pix for clearing this up.
HoopNinja is offline  
Old 12-07-2010, 10:54 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
pixilation's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
It was two-fold too, making me hate my family AND turning me away from playgroup because I figured, the less time I spent with them, the less people would think something "bad" was going on, you know?

And apparently he met with his lawyer this morning, he's now "saying" that he didn't blow over the legal limit in our state, so the charges should get thrown out. No, I'm not believing it.
pixilation is offline  
Old 12-07-2010, 10:57 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
HoopNinja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Originally Posted by pixilation View Post
he's now "saying" that he didn't blow over the legal limit in our state, so the charges should get thrown out. No, I'm not believing it.
Either he did or didn't. Not like he can go back and change it. Good for you for not buying into it.
HoopNinja is offline  
Old 12-07-2010, 01:45 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Exclamation

"...he's now "saying" that he didn't blow over the legal limit in our state, so the charges should get thrown out..."

That's a common misconception regarding DUI's. A person does NOT need to blow over the state's legal limit in order to be guilty of a DUI. As long as the person blows greater 0.00 (even 0.005; which would be 0.01) and the arresting officer testifies that he observed/witnessed the person.......: driving erratically; making unsafe lane changes; weaving; drifting into other lanes; slurring speech; unsteady; whatever.....then the person can be found guilty.

Just remember it's Driving Under the Influence not driving over the legal limit (which is usually an automatic guilty).....


(o:
NoelleR
NoelleR is offline  
Old 12-07-2010, 01:55 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 375
when he came back, he told me all sorts of things that they supposedly said about me. How my sister accused me of cheating on him, with one of my playgroup moms, how my sister and my mom both blamed me for everything, etc. All very nasty things, that honestly broke my heart.
Mine did something similar. He took a group of friends of mine from me - 3 brothers. He told me that they felt like they had to "choose someone" and they chose him and that I wasn't invited to things anymore. I was devastated. Really really hurt.

One day I finally asked them about it and it appeared my ex made it up. Those three guys aren't really the type to do that so I'm pretty sure they told the truth. I think they started uninviting me to things because my ex made them feel uncomfortable about it - he was always paranoid about me dating one of them. My ex talked bad about them to me and I'm pretty sure he said bad things about me to them - it appeared that way. I very quietly distanced myself from the those friendships and focused on meeting new people. I decided it wasn't worth the pain to deal with it all.

There are other mutual people that I think he did that to as well.

I think what one of the posters here posted is part of it
Part of the alcoholic MO is to separate us from family and friends, and I allowed that to happen. If we have a support group in place, to run things by, half of the crap our alcoholics try to pitch us wouldn't fly.
Isolation. Punishment. Keeping other people from supporting you. Keeping you from figuring out what's going on. Something like that.
goldengirl3 is offline  
Old 12-07-2010, 07:46 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
pixilation's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Oh, and then, going along with the PTSD stuff, he comes home from his appt(the first one he's gone to in over 2 months) with that today, throws a book about PTSD at me and yells at me, because I haven't been "supportive" enough? Really, REALLY? I'm supposed to be supportive of him while he's getting drunk, getting arrested, saying horrible things to me, staring off into space while I try to hold any semblance of a conversation with him, plus mentally and emotionally torturing me, but I'm supposed to be SUPPORTIVE of him?
pixilation is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:34 PM.