Hey All New here

Old 12-06-2010, 10:30 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5
Hey All New here

hi everyone. I have spent a few days here reading. I just don't know what is wrong with me. I have been with my boyfriend for ten years. We have a six year old son. Looking back, I guess I should have left him years ago, but I didn't. He gets drunk, stays out late. I kick him out. he says hes sorry and comes back home. He has never gone to rehab or anything. He doesn't drink every day or anything. When he does though, it's bad. He forgets he has a family. He wont answer calls from any of us. When he comes home he is so mean the next day. I know he has used cocaine before, but I don't think that is an all the time thing. He only does that when he drinks. We were apart most of the Summer but I let him come back again. he has barely spoken to me in the last month and a half. One day he was great, and the next he was terible. Im having trouble dealing with all this. He doesn't want to be sober, obviously. I can't leave. I love him. He has completely shut down. I have tried many times to talk to him, but he won't. How can I fix this? It hurts.
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Old 12-07-2010, 03:42 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi sami-

just wanted to welcome you and say you're in the right place. as you read and participate, you will be better able to discover your way forward for yourself and your son. there is a good crew gathered here, some just beginning their recovery, some more experienced.

i'm glad you found us!
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Old 12-07-2010, 05:34 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
Hi SamiJ and welcome to SR,

I have known my AH for 30 yrs, married for 22 yrs and have been where you sound to be plenty of times, upset, hurt and wondering what I have done wrong to deserve not being spoken to. In the end I would stop speaking to my AH and this would lead to 'mutual shutdown'. This could drag on for weeks until I broke the ice and more often or not apologized! Its a roller coaster ride of ups and downs or a merry go round of repeating yourself or thinking 'here we go again' - it eventually makes you feel sick. By the way 'Merry-Go-Round Called Denial' is a leaflet produced by Al-anon and is one of my personal favourites. Its up the top somewhere - do a google for it, its worth a read.

Not being spoken to can be a form of abuse, depending on how it is being administered and that in itself is something to think about.

What exactly are you trying to talk to him about? Why has he stopped talking to you? It sounds like something is simmering away in your relationship and is going to reach boiling point soon but not too sure from your thread exactly what is happening. Perhaps you can expand?

Your boyfriend sounds irrational and alcohol will do that to you. It is very hard to try to rationalize an irrational person, so I am not even going to go there.

You cant do anything at all about him, we talk a lot about the 3 c's - you didnt cause it, cant control it and cant cure it. The good news is though that you can do something for yourself that will help a lot. I am going to suggest that you try Al-anon, there you will find lots of direct support from people who you will relate to. That in itself is a huge relief. Keep coming to SR for support too and read, read, read. You will be doing something huge, indirectly for your 6 yr old son too as he deserves at least one health, happy, content parent in his life and that person by the sounds of it, has to be you.
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Old 12-07-2010, 04:01 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5
Hi all. To elaborate a bit. I have been trying to talk to him about the brokenness of our relationship. He just ignores me or is rude to me. One day things are fine and the next my world fell apart. One day he loved me and the next he was gone. That was about six weeks ago. Since then he has been such a jerk. He complains about everything. I can't do anything right. He is in there saying we have no money. Yet he hass spent so much at the bars, so, my thought is that if he wouldn't go out so much, we would have plenty of money. There is no reason for us to not have money.

I have been reading here for a bit and the thing I can't grasp is that he doesn't drink everyday. It's two or three times a week. So he is sober at tiimes. But I have trouble blaming it all on the booze. I can't understand that. Thank you all so much
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