Ah Staying at His Parents........
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
Ah Staying at His Parents........
Well- AH and I have been struggling lately. I am so stressed 24/7 I can't see straight. He is not working- angry at the world. Angry that I am trying to hold him responsible for some of our family obligations, angry that I am detaching- angry at me for every single thing that is not right in his life. Today- I about blew a gasket. I have been so anxious - so jittery- He has never brought up his recent verbal attacks on me , never brings up any of the horrible things he does. It makes me crazy. I keep wiating for him to be there for me but the reality is he has not been much for 10 years. If he is partying or drinking forget it - and that is most nights. He makes me feel horrbily guilty for thinking a husband helps his wife with things but expects me to help with anything he asks. Today I was having anxious chest feelings so I texted him and told him I was scared and what was going on. Don't be surprised when I tell you - he did not respond. AT ALL. Ends up it is stress and hormones but scary none the less. I am only 46 and want to be around to watch my sons grow up to be Dads etc. I got home and he was sitting in the ktichen doing nothing. I asked if he got my text - he said yea- but he was in the middle of something. He did not ask about how I was feeling - Not a freaking thing. I pretty much lost my mind which of course is not good when your heart is hurting literally but he just sat there and said all of this was my creation. I create drama wherever I go- His behaviors are all caused by me. I swear to God - it makes you go crazy. I ended up throwing the dog bowl and called him a piece of sh*t - yea- I know real mature and he left and has not come back. I then took a 2 hour peaceful nap with my Greyhound and watched tv all night in peace. God give me the strength to get this toxicity out of my life. I am not perfect and I need to work on myself - but I can't be responsible for him anymore. I want my spirit back.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
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I keep wiating for him to be there for me but the reality is he has not been much for 10 years.
Sounds like it's way past time to stop waiting. Are you attending al-anon meetings? You can learn how to detach in a healthy way. When you have truly had enough, you'll do whatever is necessary to secure your own well-being.
Sounds like it's way past time to stop waiting. Are you attending al-anon meetings? You can learn how to detach in a healthy way. When you have truly had enough, you'll do whatever is necessary to secure your own well-being.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
Your thread sounded so familiar to me that I had to respond. I am 45 and have been living in the circumstances you described for 22 years.
I sometimes feel as though I am on my own and my AH is not there for me. It frightens me that sometime in the future, when I really need to depend on him, he wont be there for me.
I too suffer from anxiety and stress which seems to be getting worse the older I get. I have palpitations and stress coughs that come from the tight feeling in your chest where you struggle to breath.
As the years have gone on, more recently, my own temper has gotten much worse and in pure frustrations I have thumped my hands down, kicked doors, thrown things, screamed at my AH and balled my eyes out. Very unusual for me, something I don't like about myself and a sign of how far I feel as though I am being pushed.
It is because of the negative changes in myself, my failing health and the effect that my own behaviors have on my daughters that I have begun to focus on me.
Have you tried Al-anon? Therapy? You really will start to feel your life improving when you start to make changes within yourself. Living life with an alcoholic can feel toxic at times but there are definite ways to improve that. Seeking help for yourself could also lead you to make the important decisions about what you want out of life and how to go about achieving it.
Your spirit is definitely out there, go searching for it and good luck.
I sometimes feel as though I am on my own and my AH is not there for me. It frightens me that sometime in the future, when I really need to depend on him, he wont be there for me.
I too suffer from anxiety and stress which seems to be getting worse the older I get. I have palpitations and stress coughs that come from the tight feeling in your chest where you struggle to breath.
As the years have gone on, more recently, my own temper has gotten much worse and in pure frustrations I have thumped my hands down, kicked doors, thrown things, screamed at my AH and balled my eyes out. Very unusual for me, something I don't like about myself and a sign of how far I feel as though I am being pushed.
It is because of the negative changes in myself, my failing health and the effect that my own behaviors have on my daughters that I have begun to focus on me.
Have you tried Al-anon? Therapy? You really will start to feel your life improving when you start to make changes within yourself. Living life with an alcoholic can feel toxic at times but there are definite ways to improve that. Seeking help for yourself could also lead you to make the important decisions about what you want out of life and how to go about achieving it.
Your spirit is definitely out there, go searching for it and good luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
Thank you ladies for the wisdom and the encouragement. I had to take an Ambien to get to sleep but I slept much better alone without the stress of him being there. Today - I feel more rested. My chest is not hurting and I am concentrating on the positive things in my life - spending precious time with my Daddy who is terminally ill and looking forward to my sons returning from college for Christmas break. I LOVE THOSE GUYS~ I know who I am and I know I can get back my spirit. I went to visit my Mom's grave the other day - she died this year- tough year- and it gave me a little strength talking to her! I need to remind myself of all of the people who do love me for who I am ! I am blessed! I am blessed~ I am blessed~
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Do you have a plan to remove him?
If you can try to keep framing it as your choice, not an ultimatum.
Really, it sounds like you need the space and time. You have to take care of you first.
Dont even give him something to fight against.
What if you just said,
"hey, I have to live my life, here, and I keep up pretty well. I want to continue to be strong and to be there for the kids, and for my own health. I think I am having trouble with some things, I may need to simplify things for a while. I think it might help me work on MY ISSUE if you could stay with_____ for a while, until I get my ground back."
NO blame, and no room for argument, really. You are talking about YOU, what YOU are struggling with. You are asking for what YOU need to deal with your "deficiency" right now.
WHat can he really argue with?
Just be careful none of it will be used in a custody situation...Dont use the phrases "unstable", or "I cant handle the kids"...or whatever.
You are your first priority, because if you falter the kids will be with him only. Take care of you.
If you can try to keep framing it as your choice, not an ultimatum.
Really, it sounds like you need the space and time. You have to take care of you first.
Dont even give him something to fight against.
What if you just said,
"hey, I have to live my life, here, and I keep up pretty well. I want to continue to be strong and to be there for the kids, and for my own health. I think I am having trouble with some things, I may need to simplify things for a while. I think it might help me work on MY ISSUE if you could stay with_____ for a while, until I get my ground back."
NO blame, and no room for argument, really. You are talking about YOU, what YOU are struggling with. You are asking for what YOU need to deal with your "deficiency" right now.
WHat can he really argue with?
Just be careful none of it will be used in a custody situation...Dont use the phrases "unstable", or "I cant handle the kids"...or whatever.
You are your first priority, because if you falter the kids will be with him only. Take care of you.
Redheadsusie, Remember......
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