Faith in Higher Power critically compromised
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,940
Being one of no faith somehow helped me to simplify my decision making . Not sure how that worked, but when it came to my AGF I was in a still point...maybe call it clarity. Seeing how I needed to move past her life in addiction...a life that no longer made sense to me, some kind of clarity washed over me.
It was no longer about her....it had become nothing about anybody. Somehow the freedom to be just me...not connected to her..seemed all to real. I could separate all those feelings that were somehow attached to my addicted AGF and see all those feelings as my desires. Desires to have the unrealistic...the dream...the want of normalcy...the lie.
Being un-deluded of my fantastic world has been filled with sorrow and joy. Yet it is real. A relativity that was once concealed by a delusion so pitifully endured...accepted.., yet no longer to be suffered .
It was no longer about her....it had become nothing about anybody. Somehow the freedom to be just me...not connected to her..seemed all to real. I could separate all those feelings that were somehow attached to my addicted AGF and see all those feelings as my desires. Desires to have the unrealistic...the dream...the want of normalcy...the lie.
Being un-deluded of my fantastic world has been filled with sorrow and joy. Yet it is real. A relativity that was once concealed by a delusion so pitifully endured...accepted.., yet no longer to be suffered .
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 13
Sending out an update with the intent of hopefully inspiring others who feel lost.
For today (Well actually a few days ago, but you get the point. LOL)...I have made a decision to handle my coping with my AH using the LOVE approach that was mentioned in another post because that is what works for ME. I have not read the book, but get the jist of it from the website. Due to the fact that we currently have separate living arrangements, it makes it much easier to detach and let him suffer the consequences of his addiction. We only spend a couple of days a week together which gives me the perfect opportunity to work on MY recovery! As Mike said above....I am DETERMINED with I don't feel I can make any practical decisions until I have rediscovered myself. I am soul searching BIG TIME - taking one day at a time. I am going back and reading all of my favorite books, "The Road Less Traveled", M. Scott Peck, M.D., "The Celestine Prophecy", James Redfield....along with his Workbook, "The Celestine Prophecy - An Experimental Guide", "Conversations with God", Neale Donald Walsch, and "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life", Dr. Daniel Amen (who in my opinion is the God of Psychiatry and Neuroscience.) I also want to read a few others of Dr. Peck's work on Spiritual Growth and eventually "Bottled Up" by Lou Lewis and John McMahon. I will continue one-on-one therapy and attending Alanon. I've got a ton of work ahead of me but I can't express how amazing it feels to have a plan. I no longer feel lost.
Thank you all so much for all of your wisdom! PheonixtheBird, I cannot fathom the pain you have endured and your recovery is truly admiring & encouraging!!!!
One day at a time.....................
For today (Well actually a few days ago, but you get the point. LOL)...I have made a decision to handle my coping with my AH using the LOVE approach that was mentioned in another post because that is what works for ME. I have not read the book, but get the jist of it from the website. Due to the fact that we currently have separate living arrangements, it makes it much easier to detach and let him suffer the consequences of his addiction. We only spend a couple of days a week together which gives me the perfect opportunity to work on MY recovery! As Mike said above....I am DETERMINED with
an intensity and a drive to recover that is like a house on fire.
Thank you all so much for all of your wisdom! PheonixtheBird, I cannot fathom the pain you have endured and your recovery is truly admiring & encouraging!!!!
One day at a time.....................
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