Do you still go to Al-Anon Meetings...?
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Long Branch, NJ
Posts: 253
Do you still go to Al-Anon Meetings...?
...long after you've shed the alcoholic in your life?
I went to some meetings more than ten years ago when I threw out my alcoholic then-husband. I spent years after that in therapy, and so didn't return to the meetings, main excuse being that the church where the meeting I attended met burned down. The meetings were also difficult to sit through, as it sounded as if every single person in there was talking about my husband with a different face. I just carried on, raised my daughter, went to work, etc.
I am now in a different place, literally and figuratively. I moved more than an hour away from any family, and my daughter is away at college. I am living alone for the first time in my life. I am trying to find things to do so that I can sometimes be around people and not spend all of my non-working hours in a small condo talking to the cats. I go to the library sometimes just to be near other humans, even if we aren't talking to one another, and I recently found a small church that seems pretty friendly.
I know the standard cry is "do volunteer work!" and I do have something like that already once or twice a month, but as selfish as this sounds I don't think I want to do the kind of volunteer work where I am working with a bunch of alcoholics and addicts, such as in a soup kitchen (yes, I know that they don't make up everyone who are clients of such places, but I've done it before and they are the majority). I'd rather donate the food.
I recently realized that even after all this time, I still have a lot of anger at my ex for putting me into years of a financial situation from which I still haven't ever recovered. I'm angry at my friend who was in recovery for seven years, whom I took care of while she underwent cancer treatment, and then who promptly went out and crawled into a bottle of vodka and is now a brain-damaged cretin with whom I've had to cut off contact. I'm angry at the only friend I knew in the area to which I moved who called me in the middle of a weeknight at 3 a.m. when I get up at 5 saying she was going to commit suicide and then came to my house with a big old travel cup full of rum and coke. Any attempts I used to make at post-divorce dating turned out to be with drunks or addicts, even when they didn't appear at first to have "the problem". At this point, I don't feel as though I will ever have any normal friends, and I am angry that life has denied me the privilege of being loved by someone other than family and that at 52, it's pretty much too damn late to hope for it.
Whew. So, anyway, I thought that maybe Al-anon meetings might be helpful again, but I'm not really sure they will even help at this point. I guess I'm feeling kind of doomed, like the evil witch put a curse on me in the crib or something.
Anyway, thoughts are welcomed. And I think I'll get dressed and go to church now. There are people there.
I went to some meetings more than ten years ago when I threw out my alcoholic then-husband. I spent years after that in therapy, and so didn't return to the meetings, main excuse being that the church where the meeting I attended met burned down. The meetings were also difficult to sit through, as it sounded as if every single person in there was talking about my husband with a different face. I just carried on, raised my daughter, went to work, etc.
I am now in a different place, literally and figuratively. I moved more than an hour away from any family, and my daughter is away at college. I am living alone for the first time in my life. I am trying to find things to do so that I can sometimes be around people and not spend all of my non-working hours in a small condo talking to the cats. I go to the library sometimes just to be near other humans, even if we aren't talking to one another, and I recently found a small church that seems pretty friendly.
I know the standard cry is "do volunteer work!" and I do have something like that already once or twice a month, but as selfish as this sounds I don't think I want to do the kind of volunteer work where I am working with a bunch of alcoholics and addicts, such as in a soup kitchen (yes, I know that they don't make up everyone who are clients of such places, but I've done it before and they are the majority). I'd rather donate the food.
I recently realized that even after all this time, I still have a lot of anger at my ex for putting me into years of a financial situation from which I still haven't ever recovered. I'm angry at my friend who was in recovery for seven years, whom I took care of while she underwent cancer treatment, and then who promptly went out and crawled into a bottle of vodka and is now a brain-damaged cretin with whom I've had to cut off contact. I'm angry at the only friend I knew in the area to which I moved who called me in the middle of a weeknight at 3 a.m. when I get up at 5 saying she was going to commit suicide and then came to my house with a big old travel cup full of rum and coke. Any attempts I used to make at post-divorce dating turned out to be with drunks or addicts, even when they didn't appear at first to have "the problem". At this point, I don't feel as though I will ever have any normal friends, and I am angry that life has denied me the privilege of being loved by someone other than family and that at 52, it's pretty much too damn late to hope for it.
Whew. So, anyway, I thought that maybe Al-anon meetings might be helpful again, but I'm not really sure they will even help at this point. I guess I'm feeling kind of doomed, like the evil witch put a curse on me in the crib or something.
Anyway, thoughts are welcomed. And I think I'll get dressed and go to church now. There are people there.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 
.... Do you still go to Al-Anon Meetings...?.....
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
.... The meetings were also difficult to sit through, as it sounded as if every single person in there was talking about my husband with a different face......
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
.... I don't think I want to do the kind of volunteer work where I am working with a bunch of alcoholics and addicts, .....
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
.... I recently realized that even after all this time, I still have a lot of anger .....
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
.... Any attempts I used to make at post-divorce dating turned out to be with drunks or addicts.....
The secret is that I continue to go to al-anon in order to fine tune my "radar" and make sure I don't make the same mistakes again. Ok, so I've made some new mistakes, but I'm getting better little by little.
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
.... I don't feel as though I will ever have any normal friends,.....
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
.... I am angry that life has denied me the privilege of being loved by someone other than family and that at 52, it's pretty much too damn late to hope for it......
Today Mom is 97, and if you _ever_ call her a widow she will get in your face and tell you in no uncertain terms that she is _single_. And has _two_ boyfriends to prove it, each one over 100. Neither one of the two gentlemen is aware of the other, and Mom likes to keep it that way.
So you're 52? That means you've got 45 years in which to catch up with my Mom
By my Mom's standards you can pack in _two_ husbands and _two_ boyfiends in those 45 years and still have time to spare.Go for it, Mightyqueen, and keep us posted cuz we'll be cheering you on
Mike
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
What do we gotta do to get DesertEyes ... CLONED?!?!?!?!?!
lolol!
MightyQueen -
I think you're being 'pulled' in that direction
and you should check it out for yourself.
There could be some woman going in there for the first time
who needs to hear what you've got to say
or just needs you to pour her
a cup of coffee
and hear what she's got to say.
*I* go with those 'pulls'...
and at least see over the top of the hill
they're trying to show me.
And remember -
the person your'e handing that soup to
could have a PHD!
There's far more than alcohol at work today
that's tearing families out of their houses
and throwing them into the street.
We're re-living a Steinbeck novel here in the USA
and pretending it's Erma Bombeck.
Go! Go! GO!
lolol!
MightyQueen -
I think you're being 'pulled' in that direction
and you should check it out for yourself.
There could be some woman going in there for the first time
who needs to hear what you've got to say
or just needs you to pour her
a cup of coffee
and hear what she's got to say.
*I* go with those 'pulls'...
and at least see over the top of the hill
they're trying to show me.
And remember -
the person your'e handing that soup to
could have a PHD!
There's far more than alcohol at work today
that's tearing families out of their houses
and throwing them into the street.
We're re-living a Steinbeck novel here in the USA
and pretending it's Erma Bombeck.
Go! Go! GO!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Mike, kudos to your Mom....wow! I'm only 44, so there is still hope for me :-)
MightyQueen: Having a lot of time on your hands gives us too much time to think. You can always volunteer at an seniors home. They are lonely and love to see people. There are also animal shelters (this one I do as well).
I find, giving of myself helps ease my resentments.
Going to Al Anon is a great idea. I still go and there is no A in my life anymore.
To me it's therapy and helps teach is to keep the focus on oneself and learn to let go of control.
Truthfully, I think everyone needs a program like Al Anon in their lives. The 12 steps keeps us sane and focused.
MightyQueen: Having a lot of time on your hands gives us too much time to think. You can always volunteer at an seniors home. They are lonely and love to see people. There are also animal shelters (this one I do as well).
I find, giving of myself helps ease my resentments.
Going to Al Anon is a great idea. I still go and there is no A in my life anymore.
To me it's therapy and helps teach is to keep the focus on oneself and learn to let go of control.
Truthfully, I think everyone needs a program like Al Anon in their lives. The 12 steps keeps us sane and focused.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: California, USA
Posts: 293
I go to a Families Anonymous group. It's a small group (the meeting I sometimes go to) but everyone is positive, working on serenity. I like the vibe of this group. Most of the people have been going for a long time. I go irregularly (like once every six weeks). I find the members of this specific group I go to working on their inner peace & serenity. I always leave feeling very positive, calm & peaceful. I have tried some Alanon. While I find many of the people kind, understanding & seeking the same inner peace I am, when I start to hear "resentful, angry, pity" talk, I end up not going back. I believe these people need a safe place where they can express their angry, resentment & self-pity (I have been there myself for far too long). I am at a different place in my life where I want to forgive, love & achieve inner calm & peace . I want to live a life that I can feel proud of, for my daughter's sake. . I want her to have a mother who is at peace. The " first step" for me was to let go (let go of my prejudgements, elitism, & misconceptions about 12 step programs).
Whatever works for people is great! We are all where we are in our recovery. I don't want to judge any program that is working for people struggling with addiction & its effects. I think it's wonderful that people like me (who have addicts-alcoholics in our families) have a place to go to vent, to share, to find fellowship, to seek answers & a better way to cope, live & thrive amidst the insanity of addiction.
I also appreciate being able to come here to read, learn & post.
Whatever works for people is great! We are all where we are in our recovery. I don't want to judge any program that is working for people struggling with addiction & its effects. I think it's wonderful that people like me (who have addicts-alcoholics in our families) have a place to go to vent, to share, to find fellowship, to seek answers & a better way to cope, live & thrive amidst the insanity of addiction.
I also appreciate being able to come here to read, learn & post.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I continue to go to meetings even though I am long divorced from my A and no longer see the ones I dated.
I use the tools in so many aspects of my life - my friendships, my work, even with casual encounters during the day with someone in a store etc. Al Anon keeps me balanced, and I continue to learn new things all the time.
I use the tools in so many aspects of my life - my friendships, my work, even with casual encounters during the day with someone in a store etc. Al Anon keeps me balanced, and I continue to learn new things all the time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
I'm a lifer...
...and close to your age. I believe that no matter what my relationship status I will always need Al-Anon. I, too, need to constantly tune my radar in terms of freinds and co-workers even though I am still with my wife, but also just tune how I process everything.
I can be a bit of a bull in a china shop. Al-Anon helps me to manifest that characteristic less often (and my other "challenges"), and the people there (and on this board) provide course corrections as necessary-- mostly by telling me when I'm being an a$$ and calling me on my BS.
Keep going to Al-Anon and I believe your life will get better. It doesn't guarantee a "healthy" partner, whatever that is, but you will be happier.
There are good guys out there and good women too. I know some of them. I'm just not attracted to them
Take care. I'm pulling for you.
Cyranoak
I can be a bit of a bull in a china shop. Al-Anon helps me to manifest that characteristic less often (and my other "challenges"), and the people there (and on this board) provide course corrections as necessary-- mostly by telling me when I'm being an a$$ and calling me on my BS.
Keep going to Al-Anon and I believe your life will get better. It doesn't guarantee a "healthy" partner, whatever that is, but you will be happier.
There are good guys out there and good women too. I know some of them. I'm just not attracted to them
Take care. I'm pulling for you.
Cyranoak
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
.I am angry that life has denied me the privilege of being loved by someone other than family and that at 52, it's pretty much too damn late to hope for it.
WHAT? Did I miss something here?
52 is the new 40!!
You know, I have a great aunt who met her husband when she was 47? They were married until he died over 30 years later. They had 30 years of gardening and canning tomatoes from their back yard together.
And my half sister is in her 50's and just married her second husband.
Not saying it's the easiest thing to find, but c'mon!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Hey, every day you wake up on the right side of the grass is a good day! And 52 is not too old to meet the love of your life! My friend who got out of an abusive marriage 2 years ago just got engaged. A lady in my church met her husband when she was 75 and he was 80 -- she said, "it's funny how being ridiculously infatuated doesn't feel a bit different at 75 than it did at 15!" I'm 45, divorced from my AH less than 2 weeks ago, and I'm still planning on loving the boots off of the most amazing man in the universe for the rest of my life!
You say you are mad at your ex, mad at your friends, for taking advantage of you. Stop letting them. They're out of your life. Put them down and move on.
I try to remind myself of this Buddhist story I heard once -- about an old monk and his novice who were out walking and found a woman stranded on one side of a river, unable to cross on her own. Of course, it was not allowed for these monks to touch women. The old monk thought for a while, then picked up the woman and carried her across. They continued walking together, the two men, in silence, until the novice could no longer contain himself but asked, "how could you touch that unclean woman?" and the old monk answered, "I put here down back there on the river bank -- are you still carrying her?"
You say you are mad at your ex, mad at your friends, for taking advantage of you. Stop letting them. They're out of your life. Put them down and move on.
I try to remind myself of this Buddhist story I heard once -- about an old monk and his novice who were out walking and found a woman stranded on one side of a river, unable to cross on her own. Of course, it was not allowed for these monks to touch women. The old monk thought for a while, then picked up the woman and carried her across. They continued walking together, the two men, in silence, until the novice could no longer contain himself but asked, "how could you touch that unclean woman?" and the old monk answered, "I put here down back there on the river bank -- are you still carrying her?"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Long Branch, NJ
Posts: 253
I posted this quite a while ago and never returned to the forum. Daughter came home from college and work has been killer busy.
Thanks everyone for all your replies! Some beautiful posts here. You are good people.
Some very nice thoughts, but no, lol, I don't think there's much hope for dating for me. That's how I ended up with an alkie in the first place--no one else has ever shown any interest, not even when I was young. Didn't get any chances to date in high school, etc. In my 20's I discovered that people in bars weren't as picky--not a great decision, of course, in hindsight! In one way it was a blessing in disguise, because if I hadn't hung out in the bars, I would never have had any chance to marry at all, and I have the most beautiful, smart, compassionate daughter from that bad marriage.
I am not making this up--Long ago, before it had commercials on TV, I joined EHarmony, and they not only couldn't find me any matches, they told me that only about 3% of the men on the planet would be interested in someone like me. OK, so they didn't actually say "planet", but they said 3% of men.
I have been enjoying this little church that I found, though. People there are very friendly and I feel so welcome. I do think that in the New Year I will find an al-anon meeting, too. I tend to gravitate toward people who are "not like the other children" and I remember from my previous meetings that there were plenty such folks there, and I've NO doubt that I can pick up some wisdom from others in that place.
Everyone, have a wonderful and happy New Year!
Thanks everyone for all your replies! Some beautiful posts here. You are good people.
Some very nice thoughts, but no, lol, I don't think there's much hope for dating for me. That's how I ended up with an alkie in the first place--no one else has ever shown any interest, not even when I was young. Didn't get any chances to date in high school, etc. In my 20's I discovered that people in bars weren't as picky--not a great decision, of course, in hindsight! In one way it was a blessing in disguise, because if I hadn't hung out in the bars, I would never have had any chance to marry at all, and I have the most beautiful, smart, compassionate daughter from that bad marriage.
I am not making this up--Long ago, before it had commercials on TV, I joined EHarmony, and they not only couldn't find me any matches, they told me that only about 3% of the men on the planet would be interested in someone like me. OK, so they didn't actually say "planet", but they said 3% of men.
I have been enjoying this little church that I found, though. People there are very friendly and I feel so welcome. I do think that in the New Year I will find an al-anon meeting, too. I tend to gravitate toward people who are "not like the other children" and I remember from my previous meetings that there were plenty such folks there, and I've NO doubt that I can pick up some wisdom from others in that place.
Everyone, have a wonderful and happy New Year!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Oh, and I realized I never answered your question. I'm not right now, doesn't mean I won't again. I'm working on my relationship with Al-Anon, you could say. The meetings helped me survive living with an A, a little too well, actually.
It's weird. Because I went to meetings for four years. Worked the program. And that helped me once I left my AH; it wasn't like I started to recover from 20 years of alcoholic marriage the day I left, I was already well on my way. On the one hand, Al-Anon gave me the strength to rebuild myself, withdraw from the toxic "reality" created inside my marriage and acknowledge my own reality. I became a person in my own right again, and I needed that strength in order to leave.
On the other hand, I feel like I focused so much on my own recovery that I didn't see (or chose not to?) how incredibly destructive my marriage was, and I have a feeling I might have left earlier but not with as much success and strength as I did. If that makes sense.
It's weird. Because I went to meetings for four years. Worked the program. And that helped me once I left my AH; it wasn't like I started to recover from 20 years of alcoholic marriage the day I left, I was already well on my way. On the one hand, Al-Anon gave me the strength to rebuild myself, withdraw from the toxic "reality" created inside my marriage and acknowledge my own reality. I became a person in my own right again, and I needed that strength in order to leave.
On the other hand, I feel like I focused so much on my own recovery that I didn't see (or chose not to?) how incredibly destructive my marriage was, and I have a feeling I might have left earlier but not with as much success and strength as I did. If that makes sense.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Mighty Queen,
I am 51 and let me tell you, it is the new 40!
I have two uh, "friends" one is 38 and the other one is 42.
there are men who find women our age very attractive, they are looking for someone who is mature (not texting every five minutes) sure of herself and her life and not looking for someone to "save" them.
That is who I am.
so far, I have really felt good about myself. at ease.
do things you enjoy, and that will build on itself.
Beth
I am 51 and let me tell you, it is the new 40!
I have two uh, "friends" one is 38 and the other one is 42.
there are men who find women our age very attractive, they are looking for someone who is mature (not texting every five minutes) sure of herself and her life and not looking for someone to "save" them.
That is who I am.
so far, I have really felt good about myself. at ease.
do things you enjoy, and that will build on itself.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Humble, tx
Posts: 82
Meetings
I do attend local alanon and acoa meetings. I hope I never talk myself out of it ever again. I never enjoy going backwards, you know, the dance...3 steps forward, 4 steps back. And although I do not want to move backwards, I'm learning that it is ok as long as I get up and keep moving forward. My exabf still drinks and recently asked me if I am still going to my meetings, now that he is no longer in the picture. I told him yes, and it wasn't about him, it's about me and my willingness to change and witness others changing, the inspiration and fellowship... I do share about this site with people because I do believe that the annonimity allows me to share more honestly and openly here. I still have issues with my f2f meetings, like the whole undertone of the religous clicks. I live in a bible belt area of Texas, and I must remember that my religion or lack of religion has no place in the rooms. I've had issues with the clicks who all attend the same church and try to get me to attend. It's like me trying to get a person in denial to a meeting. I will politely accept their cards with information about their wonderous recovery meetings in the church etc. I'm not willing to even go there...and I've only brought it up to program people when I get out of balance with the whole 12 & 12. I mean we are not allied with any sect, denomination, and soliciting recruits from 12 step meetings seems to fly in the face of those traditions.
Oh my I ramble!
The answer is yes. I still attend f2f and won't let anyone chase me out of my well deserved seat in those rooms. I don't ever wish to return to the crazy lady without a program mode, and I feel blessed because I choose to go and I get to go.
Although I haven't shared in awhile, I do still read all y'alls wise words and you have helped me more than words can say.
I'm going to be sharing more regularly, so watch out! Happy 2011!
Oh my I ramble!
The answer is yes. I still attend f2f and won't let anyone chase me out of my well deserved seat in those rooms. I don't ever wish to return to the crazy lady without a program mode, and I feel blessed because I choose to go and I get to go.
Although I haven't shared in awhile, I do still read all y'alls wise words and you have helped me more than words can say.
I'm going to be sharing more regularly, so watch out! Happy 2011!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: mid west USA
Posts: 23
I think you might find something worth while for your own growth if you can find a meeting that resonates with you. I live in a small town and there is only one alanon group.It is mildly helpful. The only thing we do is take turns reading from the book until about 5 minutes is left then sometimes there is a share. I just returned from a month in NYC with my recovering A daughter and there are so many groups there. She found one which is held in a small room with dim lights and the meeting starts with a speaker then sharing for the rest of the hour. The subdued lighting helps her because she is so shy and there is always something helpful in the sharing. .Even though this meetings means a hour and 2 transfers on the subway she makes it to that one about 3 times a week.So try to check out different groups to see which works for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: WA Rainforest
Posts: 209
Like you I haven't been lately. I didn't start going until I'd left the alcoholic. Partly it was just to be around people, like you! Anyway I went for a while, and got a lot out of it, and then I stopped going. In part because I decided I needed to spend more time around normal people, people who were more functional than me, and not people who were stuck in very dysfunctional places like the regulars at the meetings I was going to. Partly because I felt I'd gotten what I was going to get out of it and needed to work on other things.
There are other ways to be around people when you live alone and don't have much of a support system. Library and church are good. I go to the gym - it's bright and warm, which my house isn't in winter, and there's people around, and exercise is good for your mood. And volunteer work is great and doesn't necessarily involve working with alkies! I volunteer with local environmental groups, though there's nothing going on with them in winter. I also belong to local garden and nature clubs. These organizations are desperate for active members and are a godsend for people like us! You get out of the house and hang out with people who share some of your interests, and there's usually activities to take part in. They aren't free but they're not expensive either, and you get a lot out of them. I don't blame you for not wanting to work with a bunch of alcoholics. It wouldn't be a good place for you to be in.
Eharmony thought 3% of men might be interested in you??? you lucky devil!!! I have long since decided that exactly 0% of men who are not seriously dysfunctional would be interested in me. And most all my friends have spouses and family to occupy them, especially at holidays. On January 23 I will have been separated from exAH longer than I was married to him. 6 years living alone. I talk to the dogs a lot.
There are other ways to be around people when you live alone and don't have much of a support system. Library and church are good. I go to the gym - it's bright and warm, which my house isn't in winter, and there's people around, and exercise is good for your mood. And volunteer work is great and doesn't necessarily involve working with alkies! I volunteer with local environmental groups, though there's nothing going on with them in winter. I also belong to local garden and nature clubs. These organizations are desperate for active members and are a godsend for people like us! You get out of the house and hang out with people who share some of your interests, and there's usually activities to take part in. They aren't free but they're not expensive either, and you get a lot out of them. I don't blame you for not wanting to work with a bunch of alcoholics. It wouldn't be a good place for you to be in.
Eharmony thought 3% of men might be interested in you??? you lucky devil!!! I have long since decided that exactly 0% of men who are not seriously dysfunctional would be interested in me. And most all my friends have spouses and family to occupy them, especially at holidays. On January 23 I will have been separated from exAH longer than I was married to him. 6 years living alone. I talk to the dogs a lot.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Long Branch, NJ
Posts: 253
Originally Posted by mushroom
Like you I haven't been lately. I didn't start going until I'd left the alcoholic. Partly it was just to be around people, like you! Anyway I went for a while, and got a lot out of it, and then I stopped going. In part because I decided I needed to spend more time around normal people, people who were more functional than me, and not people who were stuck in very dysfunctional places like the regulars at the meetings I was going to. Partly because I felt I'd gotten what I was going to get out of it and needed to work on other things.
There are other ways to be around people when you live alone and don't have much of a support system. Library and church are good. I go to the gym - it's bright and warm, which my house isn't in winter, and there's people around, and exercise is good for your mood. And volunteer work is great and doesn't necessarily involve working with alkies! I volunteer with local environmental groups, though there's nothing going on with them in winter. I also belong to local garden and nature clubs. These organizations are desperate for active members and are a godsend for people like us! You get out of the house and hang out with people who share some of your interests, and there's usually activities to take part in. They aren't free but they're not expensive either, and you get a lot out of them. I don't blame you for not wanting to work with a bunch of alcoholics. It wouldn't be a good place for you to be in.
Eharmony thought 3% of men might be interested in you??? you lucky devil!!! I have long since decided that exactly 0% of men who are not seriously dysfunctional would be interested in me. And most all my friends have spouses and family to occupy them, especially at holidays. On January 23 I will have been separated from exAH longer than I was married to him. 6 years living alone. I talk to the dogs a lot.
There are other ways to be around people when you live alone and don't have much of a support system. Library and church are good. I go to the gym - it's bright and warm, which my house isn't in winter, and there's people around, and exercise is good for your mood. And volunteer work is great and doesn't necessarily involve working with alkies! I volunteer with local environmental groups, though there's nothing going on with them in winter. I also belong to local garden and nature clubs. These organizations are desperate for active members and are a godsend for people like us! You get out of the house and hang out with people who share some of your interests, and there's usually activities to take part in. They aren't free but they're not expensive either, and you get a lot out of them. I don't blame you for not wanting to work with a bunch of alcoholics. It wouldn't be a good place for you to be in.
Eharmony thought 3% of men might be interested in you??? you lucky devil!!! I have long since decided that exactly 0% of men who are not seriously dysfunctional would be interested in me. And most all my friends have spouses and family to occupy them, especially at holidays. On January 23 I will have been separated from exAH longer than I was married to him. 6 years living alone. I talk to the dogs a lot.
Hey, I talk to my cats! And sing to them and dance with them...well, they don't actually dance with me, they just tolerate me acting like a doofus with the music on because I am the person who will bring them food and scoop their litter box. I think rather than FEARING that I will become the crazy old lady who lives with her cats, I am going to EMBRACE that as a goal.
I like your idea, and wanted to thank you for it, about working with environmental groups. That is something in which I would have an interest, and I didn't think of it. I do have a volunteer application for our local county park system so maybe I could do something similar through there.
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