Suicide....a sad loss...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 281
Suicide....a sad loss...
Life is one rollercoaster ride isn't it? In the last week, I've been on a ship, come back home and was holding the hands of my two friends last night who lost a partner/friend to suicide. He was alcoholic/drug addicted. In the last 3 weeks, he came of the ice and pot and was trying to come off alcohol. He started going to church too and found God/Jesus 3 weeks ago and started going back to AA. Two nights ago, he got caught DUI. He was really upset, saying to his partner that he's going to lose his job, house, everything because he won't be able to get to work. That night, he gassed himself in his car. RIP....poor man. His partner is devasated and wondering what she could have done to prevent him killing himself...which she had no control over.
My exADFH and I found his flat-mate dead a couple of years ago. He'd got on it (the alcohol) and was upset after separating from his wife. He hanged himself. Luckly I had a lot of suicide assist under my belt and I was surprised how well I handled it. My ex didn't do too well. When the paramedics arrived, I knew one of them. He said they'd had 16 suicides in our area that year (It was November).
I get upset when people say that those who suicide are selfish. They suicide not because they want to die but because the pain is so unbearable, they can't live with it anymore. It doesn't help those left behind though. Very sad...There's not enough money in mental health in this country anymore. I used to work on a crisis line and sometimes, we were the only ones people with mental health issues/disorders/suicidality had access too 24 hours a day....
My exADFH and I found his flat-mate dead a couple of years ago. He'd got on it (the alcohol) and was upset after separating from his wife. He hanged himself. Luckly I had a lot of suicide assist under my belt and I was surprised how well I handled it. My ex didn't do too well. When the paramedics arrived, I knew one of them. He said they'd had 16 suicides in our area that year (It was November).
I get upset when people say that those who suicide are selfish. They suicide not because they want to die but because the pain is so unbearable, they can't live with it anymore. It doesn't help those left behind though. Very sad...There's not enough money in mental health in this country anymore. I used to work on a crisis line and sometimes, we were the only ones people with mental health issues/disorders/suicidality had access too 24 hours a day....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Floss,
You are such a wonderful caring person.
I am sorry you are dealing with this pain.
Are you doing okay? It is a lot of emotional pain.
I know suicides are not selfish, I have been suicidal, and it was not to hurt anyone, it was to end the unbearable suffering I thought I was causing others.
I know you will be a good support for anyone who needs it.
Beth
You are such a wonderful caring person.
I am sorry you are dealing with this pain.
Are you doing okay? It is a lot of emotional pain.
I know suicides are not selfish, I have been suicidal, and it was not to hurt anyone, it was to end the unbearable suffering I thought I was causing others.
I know you will be a good support for anyone who needs it.
Beth
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 281
Thanks Gr8ful and Wicked. To be honest Wicked, I gave up crisis counselling after taking a very distressing suicide call on a Wednesday two years ago and finding a suicide 4 days later on the Sunday. I actually feel numb at the moment. I've had a lot of trauma in my life and I survive by dissasociating. It's a survival mechanism. I sorta feel out of body if that makes sense? I've got anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds in my cupboard. They've been there for a year and I keep fighting against taking them even though I have friends begging me to take them. I'll just see how I go.
I've been suicidal too Wicked. In 1997, I lived through a terrible assault. I lost my mind literally and had a psychotic episode, hearing voices and it felt like my body was in a million pieces/shattered etc. I felt like I was already dead and all I had to do was do away with the physical. It's by the Grace of God, I'm still here. That and homoeopathy and a lot of spiritual healing...
Thanks for your support. I'm doing okay. I'm worried about my friends though....
I've been suicidal too Wicked. In 1997, I lived through a terrible assault. I lost my mind literally and had a psychotic episode, hearing voices and it felt like my body was in a million pieces/shattered etc. I felt like I was already dead and all I had to do was do away with the physical. It's by the Grace of God, I'm still here. That and homoeopathy and a lot of spiritual healing...
Thanks for your support. I'm doing okay. I'm worried about my friends though....
Rising from the Ashes
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 451
Floss, My heart and prayers go out to you for your emotional pain and suffering you are going through. Unfortunately I can relate to your heartache. My own 23 year old daughter completed suicide on May 16, 1995. One of my worst days of my life......a day I will never forget! She had called me several times that day at my work so I knew she was upset. I was starting to get a little upset with my daughter for her calling me so much that day. I didn't have any transportation to leave my job and come back home that day. In our last conversation she had promised me we could continue our conversation once I got home after work. When I got home from work she wasn't downstairs so I ran upstairs, and I found her lifeless body on the floor in my master bedroom. I immediately ran back downstairs and called 911 and asked for EM --help. Even though it was to late ......I hadn't accepted that reality at that minute.
My first initial reaction was shock, disbelief and denial. In this reaction I felt like a zombie. I stayed in this initial stage for the first few days. I was able to make my daughter's final resting arrangements. Shorty afterwards I developed anger. My anger was directed towards God. I was very anger at God and wondered why He had abandoned me. Intense guilt wasn't to far behind. A haunting feeling that I was to blame, that I had not done enough to save my daughter: "If only I had said ......" "If only I had done......" "Why didn't I see the signs?"
It took me ten years, and two hospitalization before I was able to accept my daughter's death. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. My head felt like it was filled up with spider webs, emotionally numb, and my body was numb. I had flashbacks......reliving my trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating; bad dreams; and frightening thoughts. My re-experiencing symptoms caused problems in my everyday routine. I had to stay away from places, events, or objects that reminded me of my daughter or of the incident. I suffered a tremendous amount of guilt, and depression. I lost all interest in activities that I had
previously enjoyed. I had difficulty sleeping, and still do. I was prescribed anti-depressants and sleeping pills.
I was only able to accept the fact of my daughter's death through the Grace of God. I had become so comsumed with grief I didn't allow our Heavenly Father to show me His love. I came to realize it was me that had left God, God was still there, waiting for me with His arms spread open to come back home.
The following poem is the one that we had printed on her memorial cards:
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds
In circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there
I did not die
God is still in control!
My first initial reaction was shock, disbelief and denial. In this reaction I felt like a zombie. I stayed in this initial stage for the first few days. I was able to make my daughter's final resting arrangements. Shorty afterwards I developed anger. My anger was directed towards God. I was very anger at God and wondered why He had abandoned me. Intense guilt wasn't to far behind. A haunting feeling that I was to blame, that I had not done enough to save my daughter: "If only I had said ......" "If only I had done......" "Why didn't I see the signs?"
It took me ten years, and two hospitalization before I was able to accept my daughter's death. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. My head felt like it was filled up with spider webs, emotionally numb, and my body was numb. I had flashbacks......reliving my trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating; bad dreams; and frightening thoughts. My re-experiencing symptoms caused problems in my everyday routine. I had to stay away from places, events, or objects that reminded me of my daughter or of the incident. I suffered a tremendous amount of guilt, and depression. I lost all interest in activities that I had
previously enjoyed. I had difficulty sleeping, and still do. I was prescribed anti-depressants and sleeping pills.
I was only able to accept the fact of my daughter's death through the Grace of God. I had become so comsumed with grief I didn't allow our Heavenly Father to show me His love. I came to realize it was me that had left God, God was still there, waiting for me with His arms spread open to come back home.
The following poem is the one that we had printed on her memorial cards:
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds
In circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there
I did not die
God is still in control!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 281
Hi Phoenix,
I'm so sorry for your loss of your daughter. I cannot even imagine the terrible pain you would have been left in after her suicide and the pain you must still feel now. Suicide is the result of tremendous pain and sometimes even if the signs are there, taken notice of and all the right steps are taken to try and prevent it, people still complete suicide if they're determined to do so. I'm so glad for you that God carried you through this pain...and through your grief.
I'm so sorry for your loss of your daughter. I cannot even imagine the terrible pain you would have been left in after her suicide and the pain you must still feel now. Suicide is the result of tremendous pain and sometimes even if the signs are there, taken notice of and all the right steps are taken to try and prevent it, people still complete suicide if they're determined to do so. I'm so glad for you that God carried you through this pain...and through your grief.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: ft. lauderdale florida
Posts: 275
There is nothing you could of done. Even if you did get to continue that conversation she still would have moved on. I am terribly sorry for your loss. I have struggled a lot with thoughts of suidcide after having my son 18 months ago. I don't do it because of him. I worry what would happen to him if I was gone. So, instead I suffer to stay alive. I understand how your daughter felt she didn't have control over what she did. I think it is a brain chemical situtaion (I am not a DR.) but for me.. itis not like I can say I feel depressed. I have been depressed in the past. Suicide is BEYOND depression.
I do believe when 1 passes they go on. I believe one-day I will see my grandmother again. I believe you will see your daughter too. Only this time she will be filled with joy.
I wish you peace. I wishyou harmony, love and light.
I do believe when 1 passes they go on. I believe one-day I will see my grandmother again. I believe you will see your daughter too. Only this time she will be filled with joy.
I wish you peace. I wishyou harmony, love and light.
Rising from the Ashes
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 451
As part of my healing process, and based upon my Christianity, I searched the Scriptures for answers. The following is part of my conclusion based upon my search:
Why do people have to suffer?
The trials and tribulations we face daily, some more often and severe than others, are exercise machines for our spirits. Life is filled with challenges, and it is partly through suffering that strengthens and prepares us for tougher obstacles ahead. The mistakes we make in life teach us not to repeat the same error again or show us how to deal with the same kind of situation should it come up again. When we go through tough times and heartaches, we realize that our mere human strengths are simply not enough to protect us. It is then that we will call upon God for help and power to assist us in getting through the dark tunnel to the light. However, we must not wait till the day of trials and tribulations to call to God; we must do so daily to better prepare ourselves for any challenges and traumas ahead. We were created in God's image. God never intended for humans to die. Our death is our own doing. Finally, and most importantly, we suffer for glory when we battle against evil. While suffering is not something everyone enjoys, it is, many times, necessary to help us in our spiritual growing process. What God does do is to turn our suffering what is bad into good! We can learn use our suffering for the betterment of not only ourselves but others around us. We suffer so we can be compassionate to others.
What happens to Christians if they commit suicide?
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus," Romans 8:1
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord". Romans 8:38-39 (New International Version, ©2010)
Why do people have to suffer?
The trials and tribulations we face daily, some more often and severe than others, are exercise machines for our spirits. Life is filled with challenges, and it is partly through suffering that strengthens and prepares us for tougher obstacles ahead. The mistakes we make in life teach us not to repeat the same error again or show us how to deal with the same kind of situation should it come up again. When we go through tough times and heartaches, we realize that our mere human strengths are simply not enough to protect us. It is then that we will call upon God for help and power to assist us in getting through the dark tunnel to the light. However, we must not wait till the day of trials and tribulations to call to God; we must do so daily to better prepare ourselves for any challenges and traumas ahead. We were created in God's image. God never intended for humans to die. Our death is our own doing. Finally, and most importantly, we suffer for glory when we battle against evil. While suffering is not something everyone enjoys, it is, many times, necessary to help us in our spiritual growing process. What God does do is to turn our suffering what is bad into good! We can learn use our suffering for the betterment of not only ourselves but others around us. We suffer so we can be compassionate to others.
What happens to Christians if they commit suicide?
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus," Romans 8:1
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord". Romans 8:38-39 (New International Version, ©2010)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I'm sorry, Floss. 
My sponsor just attended the funeral of a good friend of his this past week who had shot himself. The family made the decision to take him off of life support last weekend because the damage was just too great.
I will be keeping you and your friends in my prayers.
My sponsor just attended the funeral of a good friend of his this past week who had shot himself. The family made the decision to take him off of life support last weekend because the damage was just too great.
I will be keeping you and your friends in my prayers.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Very sorry for your loss.
But am grateful you posted.
It always hits very close to home for me.
Four years (and some month change) ago
*I* tried to commit suicide.
And did a fairly good job.
But for some reason
that doctors can't explain...
I woke up.
And am okay.
I cannot help but think
how easily it could have been me
someone posting a thread about.
I know exactly the place
when you've lost everything.
And it looks for all the world
that the world would be better off without you.
People who say it's selfish
are usually the people who are hurting
and need to place blame.
Place the blame on the disease.
that's where it belongs.
I rarely say anything about it
because I know there's a LOT of others here
who have come to that place with alcohol.
And not all of us get to walk away.
But I'm glad you posted
because we always need to pause
and remember what its like
before we throw advice around...
for the one who is still out there suffering.
Thank you.
But am grateful you posted.
It always hits very close to home for me.
Four years (and some month change) ago
*I* tried to commit suicide.
And did a fairly good job.
But for some reason
that doctors can't explain...
I woke up.
And am okay.
I cannot help but think
how easily it could have been me
someone posting a thread about.
I know exactly the place
when you've lost everything.
And it looks for all the world
that the world would be better off without you.
People who say it's selfish
are usually the people who are hurting
and need to place blame.
Place the blame on the disease.
that's where it belongs.
I rarely say anything about it
because I know there's a LOT of others here
who have come to that place with alcohol.
And not all of us get to walk away.
But I'm glad you posted
because we always need to pause
and remember what its like
before we throw advice around...
for the one who is still out there suffering.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Floss,
I am very sorry for your loss. There is nothing but time and the comradeship of others that will heal you. Love Phoenix's verse. Although it made me cry. I have the utmost sympathy for people bereaved by suicide. How did they NOT know that they were LOVED SO MUCH?
Have thought about it so much, and still cannot fathom the profound hopelessness of the person.
Barb, someone told me recently, that he believes his failed suicide was a basic human primeval will to live. While he thought he wanted to die, his body/subconscious prevented it. I am so glad you and he are still with us.
As someone who has suffered severe depression in the past, I do kind of get comfort from knowing the person is finally at peace. It rarely is a quick decision. I hate that it leaves so much sadness and questioning in it's wake though. I honestly would not have the courage to do it, so I find it odd that some people see it as weak.
Far too many people are taken from us this way. Mental health needs way more funding everywhere.
Remember Floss, this is you in the chair now. You are not qualified to take care of yourself. You cannot always be the rock for all just because you have unfortunate experience. You are not immune to feelings, numb or not.
Please accept my sincere condolences.
I am very sorry for your loss. There is nothing but time and the comradeship of others that will heal you. Love Phoenix's verse. Although it made me cry. I have the utmost sympathy for people bereaved by suicide. How did they NOT know that they were LOVED SO MUCH?
Have thought about it so much, and still cannot fathom the profound hopelessness of the person.
Barb, someone told me recently, that he believes his failed suicide was a basic human primeval will to live. While he thought he wanted to die, his body/subconscious prevented it. I am so glad you and he are still with us.
As someone who has suffered severe depression in the past, I do kind of get comfort from knowing the person is finally at peace. It rarely is a quick decision. I hate that it leaves so much sadness and questioning in it's wake though. I honestly would not have the courage to do it, so I find it odd that some people see it as weak.
Far too many people are taken from us this way. Mental health needs way more funding everywhere.
Remember Floss, this is you in the chair now. You are not qualified to take care of yourself. You cannot always be the rock for all just because you have unfortunate experience. You are not immune to feelings, numb or not.
Please accept my sincere condolences.
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