transformyself

I am forming an organization, told him I finally got a mission statement in place and some end goals.

He argued that I'm going about it wrong. I should go to the table with these other women I've invited and listen to what they think they organization mission and goals should be.

I don't think these are opposing concepts. I will have my thoughts in place, so will they. Together, hopefully, we will create an model that will be better than the individual pieces.


He disagreed and said that by solidifying my thoughts first I was going about it all wrong.

That's not the problem though. To me, the problem was-after we agreed that we were understanding each other and just didn't agree, I said, "that's ok, we don't have to agree on everything," and then he wanted to get off the phone quick like, saying, "well good luck with everything."

But I had MORE bad news, mainly that AH was drunk last night when he had the kids and I most likely wasn't going to have free time for awhile, as I am pretty sure I need to tell him he can't see them unless he's sober and comes to my house.

Then he got off the phone FAST, saying, "well good luck with everything."

First, I felt panicked. Like I had driven him away.

but I calmed myself down (am still working on that) and now feel like, well buddy, if you have issues with my life, with my having an A husband that I have to deal with and with us disagreeing on stuff, then good luck to you as well." We had fun for a minute, but seriously? if we can't disagree, or you don't like that I have children to care for, I'm perfectly ok with not seeing you anymore.

There are hundreds of men out there who will be a better fit, when and if I'm ready.

Babyblue

Yeah he sounds sort of like a control freak. You should be able to disagree and he should be supportive of your ideas even if he doesn't necessarily agree with it -- give you some helpful suggestions rather than try to impose his ideas.

He should be accepting of your life as well.

sorry

transformyself

Thanks Blue, I think he's also an arrogant journalist. I know the type. But he so desperately wants to sleep with me that he's been able to keep it under wraps. As long as we're talking sex, everything is fine.

In fact, things are usually fine. But I won't be ignoring this huge red flag.

coyote21

The Principle of abundance. NEXT!


Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

Learn2Live

Here's what I would tell myself (and in fact told myself these things today):
Try to get out of your head for a minute. You are reacting. Inhibit the reaction and just BE.
Everything is the same in the world as it was before you had this conversation.
Try not to make assumptions about what he is thinking and feeling.
Expect the best possible motivations in others.
Think about whether or not this is a person who you otherwise would like to spend your life with.

transformyself

Just had a fantastic realization

I still love my life and had fun with him. He's entitled 100% to his choice whether or not he wants to spend time with me, and so am I--no sarcasm there, seriously I feel that way. Like life and let live.

And that's great advice L2L, except I"m not reacting, I'm examining how I feel and what I want.

I'm also not looking to spend the rest of my life with anyone right now except my kids and sisters. That's not the object of dating for me. I know it is for others, for me it's more like do we want to spend time together and get to know each other better?

suki44883

Just from what you've said, transformie, I tend to agree that he is an arrogant man and a bit of a control freak. It sounds like, on the surface, he likes strong independent women, but only so long as their strong independence doesn't in any way threaten his ego. The fact that you can listen to his recommendations but then reject them, does threaten his ego.

Yeah, I don't think he sounds like long term material, and so far as spending time and getting to know him, I think you are finding that out. That's a good thing.

TakingCharge999

I am forming an organization, told him I finally got a mission statement in place and some end goals.

He argued that I'm going about it wrong.

Then he can form his own organization

Babyblue

I'm writing down what Learn2live wrote because I like it.
I am very reactionary, I bounce around my head too much. *writes this down*
SR is like my own personal fortune cookie full of wisdom!

Learn2Live

Yeah, I don't think in terms of "spend the rest of my life with" anymore either. I just meant spend time with as a partner. Sorry for the bad wording.

When someone else does or says something and then I have feelings, words, or actions in response to what they said or did, that is what I mean by reacting.

TatliGuzelim

Being of the school that says "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all," I sometimes abruptly close conversations when I recognize that my need to be right has overstayed its welcome or that I might be overstepping my bounds with my opinions or point of view. Depending on the importance of the topic at hand, with time and distance, I might return to the topic in the future.

Learn2Live

LOL! I LOVE that babyblue!

transformyself

This is great to hear as I can't read his mind and don't know wth was going on with him.

But, realistically, I was driving home and thinking about all the things I want to do next week instead of hook up with him. I'm so excited about my life work and owning my own life. But I also have a mess to take care of with my AH, his drinking is a real problem.

Gots lots of work to do. If he wants to come along for the ride, that's great, but I don't have the time or energy to cater to someone else right now.

Maybe I'm just not in a place to date...

BuffaloGal

My impression is, there are a gracious plenty of guys out there for whom bringing to a woman's attention the error of her ways and telling her what she should be doing instead, is a token of affection. (For all I know, plenty of females do that too.)

That was a major clue with a friend recently that he was interested: he suddenly became bossy with me. And at this point in my life, I am SO not in the mood to have any person with a Y chromosome say anything to me that starts with, "Why don't you..."

But I do accept that it's just a somewhat warped expression of concern and protectiveness, and I nod and smile and go ahead and do things the way I want to do them. So, this guy might just be trying to protect you from making what he perceives to be a mistake. However, you seem to be a pretty capable big girl to me, and able to rely on your own judgment...

barb dwyer

I think you just got a big dose of
'OOO! I've tasted this before and I remember I don't like it!"

Good for you!

Jadmack25

I don't bother arguing anymore, just can't be bothered doing it, when I can nod and say "yes, I must really look at that idea (or whatever) of yours, thanks". Then go on to do exactly what I wanted, needed, had decided to do anyway.

Sometimes it comes down to "Know it all Man Master" telling "little woman" what is best for her, and sometimes it is done because he cares, but it still sounds like a put down. Only if you know him well enough, can you tell which it is.

transformyself

Jadmack you are brilliant.

He texted me this morning, "good morning sexy." Not sure what that means, except he's still wanting contact with me.

I have bigger fish to fry, though. Dealing with AH.