seekingcalm

Good morning,

I had a terrible, awful dream last night. In the dream, I got a telephone call telling me that my exabf had died. I couldn't breathe, and then I woke up.

I feel just terrible, so sad, and missing him, and tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I have not seen or spoken with him in almost 4 months. He has emailed, and I have replied, and he sent me some books which I was not really pleased with.

I know I need to be on my own now; I suppose I always think that he will be there someday, all healthy and recovered, and we can still have our happily ever after. Well, there you have it, true confessions.

He has been sober ( he has shared this in an email ) for over 9 months. I know he loves me, but I need time in my own recovery before I ever think of a relationship with him again.

Last Thanksgiving we went into the city to the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade (first time either of us had done that ), and we had such a great time...then we had brunch at a diner in the city. Later, when we were back home, he said he needed to go to a meeting (AA), so I stayed home and made dinner.
He came home drunk, denied it, made me feel bad for even suggesting such a thing. It was a terrible day, I felt so alone. I had such high hopes for us.

I just feel all shook up today, I know it's the dream. Actually, typing this is helping.

So thank you, kind folks at SR, for always being here. May you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving day.

Freedom1990

I used to have dreams about my EXAH after I had left him, and I always felt so unsettled afterwards. There was a lot of sadness as you described.

Please be gentle with yourself, okay?

sapphire69

From a psychological and a new age perspective here is what I believe about your dream. When you dream of someone's death the meaning is that you have much pent up anger towards them. Also, when we dream our brains use symbolization that have meaning to us. So in essence, the death in your dream may only be a symbol of the death of your relationship not necessarily actual death. I understand your feelings as I have had these dreams too. hugs to you.

craven

Dear seekingcalm,

I do the exact same thing! I call this my 'fantasy land'- where XABF finally 'gets it', puts himself in a recovery program, and becomes the man I always knew he could be. It is very comforting to fantasize about their recovery, isn't it? I have to quickly and consciously snap myself back into reality, because I know (and so does my HP), that I made the right decision to break up, and that there IS someone out there who will 'get it' and 'get me'. As my mom said to me two days ago 'Honey, I just think that 'the one' could have a third eye right in the middle of his forehead, and you won't even care, because he is so right for you'!! Haha!! Gotta love mothers!!

YOU ARE AWESOME!!! It's time to hunker down and power through this very emotional time of year! Take time to reward yourself for taking care of yourself!! Go shopping! Do something fun to get your mind back on 'you'- even if it's only for a little bit.

:ghug3

craven

Thumper

I don't dream. Well I'm sure I do but I don't remember them ever.

I have had pangs of sadness like you describe though - particularly when doing something that was once a shared joy. Camping was a big one for us. I had such mixed emotions when we went camping this summer (and I know my older son did too). There were so many good memories surrounding camping yet our last camping trip together was total disaster and I filed for divorce a week after.

That shows such strength, self-care, and awareness. You are going to have an amazing life, where ever it leads you. I'm not sure that makes these rocky parts any easier to travel but keep on keeping on!

yorkiegirl

SeekingCalm,

I was going to say that the dream of your ex's death represents your suppressed emotions. Sapphire's dream analysis is brilliant!

It is possible that your ex might go into recovery & become the man you've always known he could be. I do believe in miracles. Addicts (alcohol addicts) recover everyday. Your ex may. He may not. (I hope one day he will). But, for now, you need to be there for you!

You are not alone. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Use all that love, caring, hope you've expressed for your ex on yourself.

Sending warmth your way!

Live

I sometimes have too vivid dreams that leave me shaken after I wake up.
I usually need to spend some time "decompressing" and figuring out what "that" was about..as you did here.

Some times they are repetitive as my subconscious helps me work through things..but they do pass, so I just trust the process.

For me that dream would represent part of my grief process.