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First Success in Detaching: It's the little things

Old 11-23-2010, 09:48 PM
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First Success in Detaching: It's the little things

Just wanted to share this. It's small but seemed significant to me.

W had gone to Target and had forgotten her wallet. She called and asked if I could run it over to her. We don't live far but she was afraid that the pharmacy would be closed if she came home to get it. I said I would. She said she would be outside waiting.

As I was pulling into the parking lot she calls me in the car and the following conversation ensues:

W: Are you anywhere near?
Me: I'm just pulling into the parking lot.
W: It's been like 10 minutes! I could have gone back inside if I'd known you would be so long!
Me: uh, huh.
W: It's cold out here!
Me: silence.

I pulled up ad happily handed her her wallet.

I wasn't trying to be mean and I'm sure she was a little chilly but I usually would have taken the bait and apologized and felt stressed.

I didn't feel like playing the "You berate me (while I'm doing you a favor) and I quiver and apologize" game.
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Old 11-23-2010, 10:08 PM
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I couldn't agree more!
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Old 11-23-2010, 10:22 PM
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Way to go Steppin up!
As the saying goes, even a journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step.

Did you enjoy the calm feeling you gave yourself? It's much better than the stress reaction right? You made a really good choice! Enjoy!

Peace-
B
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Old 11-23-2010, 10:31 PM
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Very nice. Well done.

It won't be long before, when she begins to berate you while doing HER a favor, you simply turn the car around and go home. I'd pay good money to be a fly on the wall the first time that happens!

It feels good to step out of the dance doesn't it? I remember how great it felt to take back some of my power, standing a little taller. Good stuff.

THEY do not like it when we step out. Too bad!

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 11-23-2010, 10:33 PM
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There's a wonderful saying that ah taught me. He is full of witticisms.
"Your poor planning is not my emergency".

Love it?

p.s. It's good on the job too, if only whispered under your breath.
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Old 11-23-2010, 11:33 PM
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Yes, Yes, Yes! It was a very calm and wonderful feeling to step out of the dance. I didn't even have any residual after-anxiety. And yes, I do feel that I'm standing a little bit taller!

This way of being sure beats the pants off the way I used to handle these situations (which wasn't working for me at all).

It's like Emotional Judo. I just step aside and let her momentum pass me right by!

Thanks to Al-Anon for the tools and thanks to all of you for your support! This is truly an amazing place!
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Old 11-23-2010, 11:35 PM
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It is easier to resist the bait than to struggle with the hook.

“Be yourself because everyone else is taken.” Oscar Wilde

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5 Sentences: This is what I want. This is what I need. This is what I feel. This is what I think. This is what I will do.

The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is in how you use them.

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God loves me where I'm at, but He loves me too much to leave me there.

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Old 11-24-2010, 12:01 AM
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Oh that saying applies so muchhhhhhhhhhhh at my job...

Congrats SteppingUp ! That was WONDERFUL!!
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Old 11-24-2010, 12:03 AM
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Emotional judo, exactly... nice thread, thanks for the inspiration...
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Old 11-24-2010, 06:39 AM
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Quote by Coyote (((It won't be long before, when she begins to berate you while doing HER a favor, you simply turn the car around and go home. I'd pay good money to be a fly on the wall the first time that happens!)))

Yeah, I think that would be a buzz as well.

How rude and arrogant of her, and what did she think you were coming in...an F118 or some other jet fighter?
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Old 11-24-2010, 10:37 AM
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good job!

please continue to share these little victories, it helps all of us very much.
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Old 11-24-2010, 11:59 AM
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Bravo!!!
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