First Success in Detaching: It's the little things Just wanted to share this. It's small but seemed significant to me. W had gone to Target and had forgotten her wallet. She called and asked if I could run it over to her. We don't live far but she was afraid that the pharmacy would be closed if she came home to get it. I said I would. She said she would be outside waiting. As I was pulling into the parking lot she calls me in the car and the following conversation ensues: W: Are you anywhere near? Me: I'm just pulling into the parking lot. W: It's been like 10 minutes! I could have gone back inside if I'd known you would be so long! Me: uh, huh. W: It's cold out here! Me: silence. I pulled up ad happily handed her her wallet. I wasn't trying to be mean and I'm sure she was a little chilly but I usually would have taken the bait and apologized and felt stressed. I didn't feel like playing the "You berate me (while I'm doing you a favor) and I quiver and apologize" game. |
I couldn't agree more! |
Way to go Steppin up! As the saying goes, even a journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step. Did you enjoy the calm feeling you gave yourself? It's much better than the stress reaction right? You made a really good choice! Enjoy! Peace- B |
Very nice. Well done. It won't be long before, when she begins to berate you while doing HER a favor, you simply turn the car around and go home. I'd pay good money to be a fly on the wall the first time that happens! It feels good to step out of the dance doesn't it? I remember how great it felt to take back some of my power, standing a little taller. Good stuff. THEY do not like it when we step out. Too bad! Thanks and God bless us all, Coyote |
There's a wonderful saying that ah taught me. He is full of witticisms. "Your poor planning is not my emergency". Love it? :D p.s. It's good on the job too, if only whispered under your breath. |
Yes, Yes, Yes! It was a very calm and wonderful feeling to step out of the dance. I didn't even have any residual after-anxiety. And yes, I do feel that I'm standing a little bit taller! This way of being sure beats the pants off the way I used to handle these situations (which wasn't working for me at all). It's like Emotional Judo. I just step aside and let her momentum pass me right by! Thanks to Al-Anon for the tools and thanks to all of you for your support! This is truly an amazing place! |
It is easier to resist the bait than to struggle with the hook. “Be yourself because everyone else is taken.” Oscar Wilde *******************************:sons************** ***************** 5 Sentences: This is what I want. This is what I need. This is what I feel. This is what I think. This is what I will do. The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is in how you use them. *******************************:dance4:*********** ***************** God loves me where I'm at, but He loves me too much to leave me there. *******************************:Val004:*********** ****************** |
Oh that saying applies so muchhhhhhhhhhhh at my job... Congrats SteppingUp ! That was WONDERFUL!! |
Emotional judo, exactly... nice thread, thanks for the inspiration... |
Quote by Coyote (((It won't be long before, when she begins to berate you while doing HER a favor, you simply turn the car around and go home. I'd pay good money to be a fly on the wall the first time that happens!))) Yeah, I think that would be a buzz as well. How rude and arrogant of her, and what did she think you were coming in...an F118 or some other jet fighter? |
good job! please continue to share these little victories, it helps all of us very much. |
Bravo!!! |
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