I wrote A a letter
 

I just did. I actually was going to call him. He has either blocked my number or changed his cell number-who knows-I am not impressed. After I called, it did not ring or do anything-didn't say the number wasn't assigned or in service, so does that mean my call is blocked?

I told A how I am feeling about last week. And I certainly borrowed some ideas from all of you who have responded to my other posts. Thanks. I talked about my expectations of my friends and how he is not meeting them with his "friends" "taking things slow" (switch back and forth several times a day). I told him that I KNOW he is avoiding me, and that is now how I conduct myself in adult relationships. I told him I expect respect and mutual company and not to have my feelings hurt as the the norm.

Well, I just spit it out...I told him that his behavior clearly shows that he is VERY early in recovery and that I feel hurt by what has happened between us. I told him that I have always sensed something special there between us, and that it hurts to go from such a wonderful summer to his avoidance. I told him I didn't deserve that treatment, and that I am never sure how to best support him but I have meant well nonetheless and I forgive him for his part.

I told him I thought about our summer relationship and how me, that same person feels very sad yet stilll cares for him. I told him I don't want his opinions on things right now (like I'll get them), but that I needed to tell him how I feel.

I don't know if I feel better or worse or what. I have cried so much this week , it's pathetic.

(((((((((Boo))))))))))

I really hope that this is the beginning of better times for you.I hope you cut him loose.You'll experience the pain,but you will start the healing process.Do something nice for yourself...k?

Hugs

phoenix

Try to just get away from him, usually these things happen for very good reasons but we don't know why right away. Don't degrade yourself anymore by continuing to call him. It's very bad for your self-esteem. Do something to boost yourself esteem and empower you, like focussing on your recovery.

Ngaire

Boo,

I have read things you have written about this summer relationship in the past, and I am concerned that you are totally obsessed with this guy. If you were to look at this honestly could you say that you had a mutual relationship or did you percieve that he had feelings that he maybe did not? Either way Boo, it is painfully evident that whatever you thought he felt for you has changed. Dont put yourself through the pain of trying to force something that is not there. There was an excellent thread named Obsessive Love that I got a lot out of and I think that you could too. I dont mean to insult you but I feel like you need to acknowlege some of the realities of what you appear to be up against.

Take care

Boo - I also hope this is the beginning of better times for you. When we are in crisis, it seems like it will never end, but it does - I promise. All we can do is live for today and focus on the good things life has to offer. When I was going through a crisis of "he's disease" which I had terribly, my counselor told me to switch gears every time I thought of what he was doing. Everytime I had a thought of what is he doing? I would turn it around and say what am I doing? What am I doing to take care of myself right now. Even though I didn't want to think of myself at first, I would force myself. Most of the time it only involved little things like taking a deep breath and giving myself a compliment, talk to a friend about something else, do my toenails, Have you ever heard "fake it till you make it"? Well that's what I had to do or I would have completely fallen to pieces every second of every day.

The following is a reading from my daily meditations book, I thought it was appropriate.

Hanging on to any moment, once it's gone, deadens us to the joys and lessons of the present. We must learn to let go, to let go of persons, painful situations, and even meaningful experiences. Life goes on, and the most fruitful lesson before us is to move with the vibrations, be in tune with them.

Being open to the present is our only chance for growth. These experiences today in our lives beckon us forward along the path meant for us. We are not guaranteed only joy today. But we are promised security. We may not be free of twinges of fear or confusion, but we can learn to trust even in the midst of adversity. We can remember that power greater than ourselves whenever and wherever our steps are uncertain.

Dwelling, as we are wont to do, on our rebuffs, our rejections, invites further criticism. But neither should we dwell on past joys. Attention to now and to the persons here, now, is the only rightful response to life. Not being here, now, invites others to turn away, just as we have turned away.

I will celebrate the thrill of the present, squeeze the moments of today, and trust the outcome to God.

What can you do right now to take care of Boo?

Boo check out

www.coda.org

it will help..
Your friend, Clowie

Victoria - That is a wonderful post and I thank you for it. I have printed it out to remind me to stay in the present.

And Boo - please read it and give it a lot of thought.

Hugs

Ann