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Old 11-22-2010, 04:27 PM
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new and processing

I have been reading posts here for a while though this is my own first posting. I am trying to process news I recieved.

My auntie, who is a few years old than me and grew up like my sister, is an alcoholic. I haven't spoken to her in 2 years because of her drinking. We had a tumultuous few years before that as I tried to change patterns and she couldn't adjust to changes. Now, I just learned ( a couple days ago) she was drunk driving, involved in an accident in which another motorist died.

I don't know how to process this. I am so sad that the death of another is her rock bottom. She's been in rehab facilities twice before but kept drinking. I sent her an email but not sure how to reach her as she's in another rehab facility until her court date.

I keep thinking how her life has just crashed hard. I'm grieving for her. I'm grieving for the victim and his family. I found an Al-Anon meeting close by that I'll try to attend. But I keep playing scenarios over in my head. I keep thinking of times we had growing up. The computer and this forum seem a good distraction for me.


ever grateful...EverydayPeople
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Old 11-22-2010, 04:56 PM
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Welcome to SR, EveryDay, but I am so sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.

That would be a lot to process for anyone.

Your grief is to be expected.

I remember going to an AA meeting with some friends several years ago. It was in a correctional facility, and one of the inmates there was going to tell his story.

He had been a friend of the gentleman who was director at the rehab I went through. He had also been an active member of AA for several years.

He chose to drink again, and that decision cost three elderly women their lives when he hit them head-on.

It was going to be a long-time before he ever saw freedom again.

It was sad.

It's sad that your aunt has been in rehab before, and yet chose to continue drinking.

It's sad because an innocent life is gone.

It's sad because I can tell you love her, and there just are no answers.

Please lean on us as much as you need to, and know you are among friends.
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Old 11-22-2010, 05:28 PM
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Honey,

You have much to be sad about.

I am sad about the devastation as well. This is big. It is tough. Sometimes we don't have the answers, we don't even know what to think. Just one foot in front of the other, feel your grief, and know that change may be in the air. Sometimes that change is manifested in ways we don't see for a long time, sometimes we never do.

So sorry, and glad you're here.
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Old 11-22-2010, 05:31 PM
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Wow. That is heartbreaking I would have a very hard time processing that, too. I'm very sorry for your pain but I'm glad you found us. Welcome.
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Old 11-22-2010, 07:03 PM
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thank you! I keep checking back here for words of encouragement or shared experiences and other threads. Luckily I have a newborn and a 3 year old to distract me, though I'm scattered and a bit absent minded with them at the moment.
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Old 11-22-2010, 07:32 PM
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Originally Posted by everydaypeople View Post
thank you! I keep checking back here for words of encouragement or shared experiences and other threads. Luckily I have a newborn and a 3 year old to distract me, though I'm scattered and a bit absent minded with them at the moment.
Be gentle with yourself! I think scattered and absent-minded is normal given your circumstances.

Any chance once the little ones are down for the night that perhaps you could start a journal, something to pour your thoughts out on to help with the processing?

Sometimes a good cry is what I need. When you speak of the times you had growing up, there has got to be some pain mixed in with the sadness perhaps?

I wish I had better suggestions for you, but I'm at a bit of a loss myself. Just know I am sending you warm hugs on the Kansas breezes!

Kiss those little ones for me too. My 'baby' turned 22 this past summer!
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Old 11-22-2010, 07:37 PM
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omg - this is so sad. I am very sorry for the pain and heartbreak you are going through. This has always been my worst case scenario worry about AH drinking and driving - though he used to be pretty careful about drinking and driving.

lots of hugs to you and prayers to the victim's family and your aunt. Very sad - this disease is terrible.
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Old 11-22-2010, 08:05 PM
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I'm so sorry, this would be hard for me to process too.

My prayers go out for your aunt, the victims and all who loved them, and for you too.

Hugs
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Old 11-22-2010, 08:34 PM
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I'm so sorry.

Though not the same situation, my "baby" stepsister (she was 18) fell asleep while driving and hit another car. The only survivor of the 3 people involved was my stepsister's best friend, and she was in ICU for a month.

Compounding the grief I felt over losing her, was my grief for the man she hit. I had all kinds of feelings...anger that she drove after being awake all night, guilt that someone I loved dearly had caused the death of an innocent man, and so much pain.

It helped me, that I had some very supportive friends, and I went to EAP at work (I was an ICU nurse, in the same hospital her best friend was in a different ICU).

You have a lot on your plate, right now. We are here for you, and I know SR has gotten me throught quite a lot in my life.

Hugs and prayers to you, your aunt, the victim and all who are affected by this,

Amy
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Old 11-22-2010, 08:36 PM
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So sorry you are going through this..."the Grief club" is an excellent book by Melody Beatty, hope you can get a copy. Talks about many changes and losses we go through in our lives and has exercises as well. I hope your aunt embraces recovery for good. She is in God's hands and so are you ((hugs))
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Old 11-22-2010, 10:29 PM
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Again, thanks. Again, this is a good distraction. I keep doing online searches for articles about the accident. There are some blog posts and it's terrible reading what people write about "the offender" my aunt.

So I'm trying to not search and read, but feel like it's my addiction at the moment. I'm limiting myself on the computer and this site is helping! But to read the articles I feel I'm in the moment with her. All of your words of support are much more healthy and helpful (of course!).
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Old 11-23-2010, 12:55 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss. Please remember to be gentle with yourself during this difficult time.

Hugs for you and your little ones, too.
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Old 11-23-2010, 04:44 AM
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Welcome to the family!

Please continue to read and reach out for the support you need. We are here for you!

I am sorry about your Aunt. My sympathy to your family and the other family involved.
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Old 11-23-2010, 06:49 AM
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I'm so sorry hon.

Prayers for your family, the victims family and you, of course. I can't imagine how hard this must be for all.

Please pay no attention to the comments you read after the articles. I think some people spend their entire day posting insults to anything they can get their hands on. They didn't know anyone - not your aunt, not the victim, and not the families left with pain - so their opinions really don't matter.

Be gentle with yourself as you try to heal.

(((Hugs)))
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Old 11-23-2010, 07:54 AM
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I am so very sorry for what brought you here. I had a good friend in a similar situation, she and the other driver were both killed. It really helped me to understand one of our core principles - love the A, hate the disease.

And I agree with what Cece said about not paying too much attention to what has been written. The newspapers want to sensationalize and often want to create more controversy to sell more papers.

Hugs and comforting prayers to you, your family and the others who were affected by this tragedy.

Cats
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Old 11-23-2010, 07:59 AM
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hi everydaypeople-

it's an awful disease. you say that this is her rock bottom, but it might not be. she's in forced sobriety right now, but it could go one way or the other...it could be she goes into recovery or it could fuel further drinking, due to remorse, grief, guilt, etc.

the good news is that the 12 steps work, should she choose to turn her life around and AA is working in the jails, should she be imprisoned. so there is help available for her, should she choose to reach out for help.

i'm glad to hear you're going to get to alanon. the people there will understand and be able to offer you support.

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Old 11-23-2010, 09:19 AM
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what a sad thing....

last night my husband picked me up at work and was drunk.... at the first red light, i jumped out of the car.... he tried to get me back in it but i told him i refuse to drive in a car with someone who is intoxicated...he let me drive. and i promised myself i'd call the police the next time he does it. i often fear what happened to your aunt will happen to him too. and i know for sure he would not be able to live with himself afterwards.

so sorry for your pain....
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