MsMahon

Thanks for your post Freedom. It's good to get answers to my "why"s

I'm wondering why you stopped.

I'm still trying to fix AXH. It's awful to see him throw his life away. But I can see from your very insightful post that there is more to recovery than just stopping.

But he needs to stop and I don't know what it will take to make him want to stop.

laurie6781

Thank you (((((Freedom))))) I had this on my list to 'search for' when I got back on line today, now I don't have to do so, roflmao

I remembered you had made this post.

It was great then and it's even greater now with the new posters we've had lately.

I was wondering why I didn't post originally and see that this was in that 2 week Thanksgiving span and this year it was real crazy 2 week span for me, lol


ANN: Any possibility of this becoming a STICKY????? Just the original post or all of it for that matter, lol otherwise Freedom and I will have to keep rebumping this one, rofl

Love and hugs

Freedom1990

I stopped because I was literally dying, all 109 pounds of me on a 6' frame. The day I cried out to God that I just couldn't live my life that way anymore was the day miracles started happening, including ending up safe in rehab later that day.

laurie6781

Those of us that find recovery, have become 'sick and tired of being sick and tired.'

For me, that was sitting on the concrete bumper at the pack of the Hollywood Bowl parking lot, sitting next to my old 'alkie' car and when took a 'swig' of booze it felt like it was coming out of every pore of my body, For me it was 'almost' too late. The next morning I 'drove' (not really but 'something' was steering it) that vehicle to the ER where I proceeded to seizure and get heart stoppages ALL DAY. At 4:30pm the ER doctor was writing the T.O.D (time of death) after my heart has been down for 28 minutes this time, and it STARTED ON IT'S OWN. I got a SECOND CHANCE. T too RECEIVED A MIRACLE.

A lot of us, if we take it to the MAX don't get that chance. I almost didn't take that 'chance', but I had LOTS of 'sober' akies talking to me amost every waking hour for my first 90 days, and for some reason I listened. They 'MADE SENSE' to me because THEY HAD BEEN WHERE I HAD BEEN and that included the 4 days in the hospital!

If 'normies' (or loved ones that were not alkies) had been talking to me, I would have had a f*** you attitude and gone right back to drinking, and 'spoiled or 'ruined' that 'second chance.'

Hope that helps a bit for you to understand. My story is in the 'stories' in the "Stories of Recovery" Forum. My story 'the early recovery' lol, haven't written the rest of it yet:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-my-story.html

Love and hugs,

MsMahon

Thank you Laurie.

I think I understand now. There's no point in me trying to reason with or help XAH since I really don't have a clue about what he is going through.

I'll read your story. It's good of you to share, it helps to make some sort of sense of the insanity of this disease.

I'm glad you got your life back.

Hugs to you

MsMahon

Thank you Freedom.

I'm glad you're miracles happened.

Hat's off to you - I'm glad you have your life back.

It's great you are sharing your experience. Although my XAH has been an alcoholic for more than 30 years I still struggle to understand all the "why"s and could never understand why he could choose alcohol over his family.

You have mad this clearer for me.

I will read and re-read your post.

Thanks again

DesertEyes

Ann is not on the job right now Will I be good enough?

Done stickied under "Classic Reading"

Mike

Terminally Unique

In general, most addicted people finally quit their addiction when they realize that they can no longer get away with it. Sad but true.

BobbyJ

OMG..What an amazing post...LOVE IT ...

MsMahon

Thank you Terminally Unique. That makes perfect sense.

My XAH is still drinking out of control despite losing his family. He had cancer some months ago and had to stop while in hospital for several weeks. But he started again as soon as he got out of hospital despite being offered counselling to help him stay off alcohol.

Reckon he still thinks he can get away with.

Thanks for your post. I'm loving getting things clear in my head now.

FindingJoy

I second that...although my ExAB is in AA. It takes a lot more than just showing up at meetings and telling your sponsor what he wants to hear. My motto listen to people's actions :-)

NYCDoglvr

"If you take the alcohol away from a drunken horse thief you still have a horse thief". Alcoholism is a mental illness, not a disease of the elbow, and it takes a lifetime to grow out of being the self-centered, self-involved, grandiose, destructive people we were when we drank. But if we don't change we are so miserable we'll drink again.

Thanks for posting this.

choublak

But, can the abuser be or become addicted if he/she continues to drink/use?

MsMahon

Hi Laurie,

I read your story. What can I say.....you did amazingly well getting off and staying off. Thankfully just in time too. I was awestruck by your story.

I will go back and re-read a few times as it's truly inspirational.

Thanks for sharing your story.

hugs

wanttobehealthy

Such a great post. My hand is raised as one who thought that this was just about drinking. I thought that for a ridiculously long time even when people here were saying that wasn't the case I was still saying in my mind "but AH is a good guy when he's sober". But that changed rapidly and the truth is that his personality over the years changed dramatically. And I think that with or without alcohol that probably would have happened bc he has a lifetime worth of demons that he thinks he can push out of his mind and escape from having to deal with by raging, blaming, deceiving and yes, drinking. But the drinking is most definitely NOT the major problem.

Thanks for the post!

fourmaggie

I have been reading this post once a month...its a clearer understanding now..

FindingJoy

Agreed. Very well said and appreciated.

Isollae

Freedom and laurie....thats amazing and I'm happy for both of you. My husband can drink like its water, doesn't throw up and rarely passes out....he just forgets alot of evenings. Definitely a difference in how his body responds to alcohol.
How I wish he'd have the magic moment you two went through.
Its hard for me to imagine my 'he -man master of the universe I am perfect all bow before my godliness' hubby as having insecurities...but I can remember thinking he did when we were younger. I felt sorry for that tough, smart, witty, honorable guy who didn't seem to ever have felt loved. He never said that he never felt loved, it was just an impression I got somewhere along the way.
If I stayed, I can't imagine him ever stopping drinking. That whole vicious circle thing.
But oh what I wouldn't give to see him toss all that alcohol and armor aside.
But I can't find a way to forgive him for saying that I 'deserved' to be punched out. I've never needed his apology before, but now that what happened is back in my fore-brain...I can't forget it. And I know if anyone told me their husband did what mine did, I'd tell them they're crazy to stay for any reason. So therefore I must be crazy unless I walk away.
Ugh ugh ugh.
Thank you for reminding me that no matter what he says, hes only human too. I already know theres alot of good in him, but I do definitely tend to forget that he can hurt too.
I haven't talked to him yet. I'm not sure completely why other then my emotions haven't stopped rocking through anger and grief and everything else yet. I don't see anyway we could have a positive solution together though and I hope to discuss the future without emotional wreckage happening.

And now I feel ridiculous cause I keep pouring all my crazy thoughts out here, but I do feel better for it so I'll leave it but go think quietly for a bit.

Thank you for sharing what must have been a hard journey.

laurie6781

(((((Isollae)))))

I am not familiar with your story, but it sounds like this man physically assaulted you in addition to his mental and emotional abuse.

I can tell you it will get worse! Please contact your nearest Domestic Violence Facility and get some help and advice from them. They have counseling for you and any children you might have in th home, they have 'placement' assistance to get you into a 'safe' home, etc Some can even assist with legal advice.

There is NO POINT in attempting to 'discuss the future' with an ACTIVE ALCOHOLIC, it will be wasted effort on your part.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

Isollae

We have two kids together, 20 years of marriage and hes a functional alcoholic. Is there a way to walk away without at least saying that you are? He did this to me almost 5 years ago and for some crazy reason, it only hit me emotionally recently. If he did it recently it would be easy. To be honest I don't want to talk to him about it...I want to bundle up my kids and sneak out the back door. I'd love to never exchange another word unless necessary and I definitely don't want to discuss emotions with him. I just want to get away with no more damage done to anyone.
But I don't know how.
I keep thinking that after that long a time after the fact, after hes made unasked for and unwanted changes meant to be good, and with two kids, 16 & 6 (17 & 7 in Feb) who have thought everything settled out and ok again that I have to say something and 'oops...sorry it took me a while to process it all but now I gotta go' seems inadequate.
I have talked to my oldest already. I explained that the emotional reaction was delayed and that is how I tend to deal with crisis for some reason. That I'm trying to work my way through it now and I'm starting by just trying to get myself back to being someone I can feel good about being.
I'd like to cut my emotions out and toss them away for good right now. Maybe then I could see a good way to handle this.