An update
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Sesh
You are walking such a difficult path with such dignity and grace. Your example shines for the rest of us. Your honesty is amazing. Sometimes we think things that we don't say because we're afraid of how it will "appear" to others. The truth is that all of us think those thoughts.
My Dad's father died when my Dad was 16 years old. I never got to meet my grandfather. He died a horrible and slow death from TB (not in the lungs but in other vital organs). My Dad said he prayed every day asking God to please heal his father and make him well. After watching his father deteriorate and become a complete invalid at the age of 42, he decided to pray to God to stop his father's suffering and his Dad died a few days later. My Dad said that he held a lot of guilt for a very long time for that prayer because he felt responsible for his father's death. I think God was just waiting to hear that my Dad was ready to let his father go.
It's ok to be ready to let them go.
gentle hugs and prayers for you and your family
You are walking such a difficult path with such dignity and grace. Your example shines for the rest of us. Your honesty is amazing. Sometimes we think things that we don't say because we're afraid of how it will "appear" to others. The truth is that all of us think those thoughts.
My Dad's father died when my Dad was 16 years old. I never got to meet my grandfather. He died a horrible and slow death from TB (not in the lungs but in other vital organs). My Dad said he prayed every day asking God to please heal his father and make him well. After watching his father deteriorate and become a complete invalid at the age of 42, he decided to pray to God to stop his father's suffering and his Dad died a few days later. My Dad said that he held a lot of guilt for a very long time for that prayer because he felt responsible for his father's death. I think God was just waiting to hear that my Dad was ready to let his father go.
It's ok to be ready to let them go.
gentle hugs and prayers for you and your family
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Thank you all for your kind words and prayers and thinking of me.
I wasn't checking in for a few days, I guess I needed the silance.
I'm doing OK for the most part. Friend of mine told me it is amazing how quickly we adapt to things once deep into alcoholism, and I find that to be most true. Like right now in regard to the fact he stole from me, I don't really feel anything but it is the nature of the disease.
AH got really drunk two nights ago and some guy literaly carried him home and put him in bed. For over a week, especially when he is drinking heavily he is complaining about very bad back pain, he can hardly move, he believes it is sciatica, but it is much more likely that his liver is reflecting pain into his back. It seems he hasn't been drinking for the past two days, but feels really lost (no withdrowal symptoms, so maybe he had a few) and he cries a lot. I'm managing to be much nicer to him. I don't see a point in doing it any way different, since I want to remember our last days together as pleasant as possible, and I think that is much better for the kids too.
I spoke to my 12 yo DD if she'd prefer dad living somewhere else (casual conversation) and she said no, because she feels that if he is here he'll take medications more often and live longer. Also in our culture it would be unthinkable if I kicked him out now in this condition. I don't really care that people would think and speak ill of me, but I very much care for the fact that kind of thing would affect my kids deeply.
So all things considered I feel fine with all this, I feel that I'm where I need to be, and that more will be revealed to me in time. I can't say that any of this is easy, but it is survivable, so I'm OK.
I was suggested by some professionals and friends (bare in mind this is Bosnia) to have him commited into closed mental institution for a longer period of time. I've actually considered it, but than I've relaized I have no right to do that. As hard as this is, it is his life, and he is the only one that has a right to decide what does he wants to do with it. I am being faced with tough decissions lately, but I'm finding out the only thing I can do is what feels right in my heart, so it is most important for me to keep close to myself and centred, so that is why I often need my quiet times, so you don't hear from me often.
Despite all that is going on, I still know there is so many things in my life I am grateful for, and I'm trying to remember at all times that his illness and the way its affecting my life is only one part of my life, there are other good things there too, that helps me keep my perspective and not get overwhelmed with emotions (well AD are helping that too
)
So again, thank for caring about me, my dear friends. I wish you all well in your own recoveries
Love
Sesh
I wasn't checking in for a few days, I guess I needed the silance.
I'm doing OK for the most part. Friend of mine told me it is amazing how quickly we adapt to things once deep into alcoholism, and I find that to be most true. Like right now in regard to the fact he stole from me, I don't really feel anything but it is the nature of the disease.
AH got really drunk two nights ago and some guy literaly carried him home and put him in bed. For over a week, especially when he is drinking heavily he is complaining about very bad back pain, he can hardly move, he believes it is sciatica, but it is much more likely that his liver is reflecting pain into his back. It seems he hasn't been drinking for the past two days, but feels really lost (no withdrowal symptoms, so maybe he had a few) and he cries a lot. I'm managing to be much nicer to him. I don't see a point in doing it any way different, since I want to remember our last days together as pleasant as possible, and I think that is much better for the kids too.
I spoke to my 12 yo DD if she'd prefer dad living somewhere else (casual conversation) and she said no, because she feels that if he is here he'll take medications more often and live longer. Also in our culture it would be unthinkable if I kicked him out now in this condition. I don't really care that people would think and speak ill of me, but I very much care for the fact that kind of thing would affect my kids deeply.
So all things considered I feel fine with all this, I feel that I'm where I need to be, and that more will be revealed to me in time. I can't say that any of this is easy, but it is survivable, so I'm OK.
I was suggested by some professionals and friends (bare in mind this is Bosnia) to have him commited into closed mental institution for a longer period of time. I've actually considered it, but than I've relaized I have no right to do that. As hard as this is, it is his life, and he is the only one that has a right to decide what does he wants to do with it. I am being faced with tough decissions lately, but I'm finding out the only thing I can do is what feels right in my heart, so it is most important for me to keep close to myself and centred, so that is why I often need my quiet times, so you don't hear from me often.
Despite all that is going on, I still know there is so many things in my life I am grateful for, and I'm trying to remember at all times that his illness and the way its affecting my life is only one part of my life, there are other good things there too, that helps me keep my perspective and not get overwhelmed with emotions (well AD are helping that too
)So again, thank for caring about me, my dear friends. I wish you all well in your own recoveries
Love
Sesh
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
Sesh,
My friend I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have been out of town for a couple of weeks and am just now catching up on here. I did notice your absence before I left but we all get busy in our lives and I had hoped that was the case.
You have helped me more than you will ever know in your posts and pm's. Your wisdom, insight and level-headedness are an inspiration to us all.
Thank you for posting and please don't stop. We need you.
My prayers include you.
My friend I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have been out of town for a couple of weeks and am just now catching up on here. I did notice your absence before I left but we all get busy in our lives and I had hoped that was the case.
You have helped me more than you will ever know in your posts and pm's. Your wisdom, insight and level-headedness are an inspiration to us all.
Thank you for posting and please don't stop. We need you.
My prayers include you.
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