An update
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Thank you all so much, you have put a smile on my face with your beautiful words of encouragement and care.
I guess you're right I am doing well, and for that I have this place to thank. I've learned here so many things, but the one that is most important for me now is that this is survivable.
I just pray he'll go away quietly, no more hospitals, no more drama, no more dificult decisions I need to make. Here is my biggest fear, and I hope this doesn't sound cold to you, I worry he'll end up in hospital again and he'll need a liver transplant. The thing is I could afford it, not easily, but I could, to send him to private hospital in Italy and have it done. But if I do that, I know if he recovers from the surgery he'll do the same thing all over again. So it would be pointless, I'd just be buying him few more years of drinking and few more years of misery for me and kids. At least that is what I think. I just hope it will not come to it, that I'm put in position to make that kind of decision, as I think that would be something really hard to live with afterwards. I hope you can understand this. I just hope it will not come to it. I just want this to end.
I guess you're right I am doing well, and for that I have this place to thank. I've learned here so many things, but the one that is most important for me now is that this is survivable.
I just pray he'll go away quietly, no more hospitals, no more drama, no more dificult decisions I need to make. Here is my biggest fear, and I hope this doesn't sound cold to you, I worry he'll end up in hospital again and he'll need a liver transplant. The thing is I could afford it, not easily, but I could, to send him to private hospital in Italy and have it done. But if I do that, I know if he recovers from the surgery he'll do the same thing all over again. So it would be pointless, I'd just be buying him few more years of drinking and few more years of misery for me and kids. At least that is what I think. I just hope it will not come to it, that I'm put in position to make that kind of decision, as I think that would be something really hard to live with afterwards. I hope you can understand this. I just hope it will not come to it. I just want this to end.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi sesh-
well, i would imagine he will end up in the hospital again if he continues his current choice of not taking his meds and drinking.
i can not see the point in a liver transplant for an active alcoholic and i would doubt a doctor would agree to perform this either.
your choice is to spend the money on your husband, or to keep the money for your life and the future of your children. in my opinion, it's a difficult choice but an obvious one. their father is choosing to kill himself from drinking...you are the sane parent and i feel your responsibility now is to protect your children. paying for the liver transplant puts your family under financial hardship.
additionally, i think it is a very noraml reaction to want the end to come quickly now, for everyone involved, including your husband. i don't think you would be helping anyone by prolonging his life through medical intervention.
i feel to speak my opinion here, because i think you need some objective feedback. take what you want and discard the rest.
i'm sorry you're in this situation, sesh.
well, i would imagine he will end up in the hospital again if he continues his current choice of not taking his meds and drinking.
i can not see the point in a liver transplant for an active alcoholic and i would doubt a doctor would agree to perform this either.
your choice is to spend the money on your husband, or to keep the money for your life and the future of your children. in my opinion, it's a difficult choice but an obvious one. their father is choosing to kill himself from drinking...you are the sane parent and i feel your responsibility now is to protect your children. paying for the liver transplant puts your family under financial hardship.
additionally, i think it is a very noraml reaction to want the end to come quickly now, for everyone involved, including your husband. i don't think you would be helping anyone by prolonging his life through medical intervention.
i feel to speak my opinion here, because i think you need some objective feedback. take what you want and discard the rest.
i'm sorry you're in this situation, sesh.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
I agree with everything you said naive, but, as right as it is, it would still be a difficult decison to live with afterwards, and I hope it will not come to it.
But I guess the best I can do it take it one day at the time, and deal with things as they come.
But I guess the best I can do it take it one day at the time, and deal with things as they come.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,905
I don't know how they do things in Italy, but here in the States, they won't give a liver to an alcoholic. They will give it to someone who won't then go out and destroy it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
I don't know the details, but as far as I know it is possible to pay for it, but it is very expensive. The truth is I wouldn't do it, even though I could afford it, again not easily but I could. All I'm saying is that I really hope I will not have to make that decision.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by sesh 
I agree with everything you said naive, but, as right as it is, it would still be a difficult decison to live with afterwards, and I hope it will not come to it.
But I guess the best I can do it take it one day at the time, and deal with things as they come.
But I guess the best I can do it take it one day at the time, and deal with things as they come.
Like Jazz, I'm proud to know you and am very glad you chose to reach out to your SR family, your strength is inspiring.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Well, not so well, considering that the last night I discovered some of my jewerly is missing, among them few that were very dear to me. In all honesty I didn't see that one coming.
It feels like I'm now able for the first time to see the true face of alcoholism in all its glory. I am sad for losing my jewlery, but the bottom line that it only things, material stuff, I still have my sanity and my soul, and the happy life that awaits for me once all this madness is over. As sad and as horrible as this is, still I'm almost glad it has happened as it has opened my eyes even more, and makes it easier for me to let go. So thank HP.
I'll be OK.
Thank you for thinking of me.
It feels like I'm now able for the first time to see the true face of alcoholism in all its glory. I am sad for losing my jewlery, but the bottom line that it only things, material stuff, I still have my sanity and my soul, and the happy life that awaits for me once all this madness is over. As sad and as horrible as this is, still I'm almost glad it has happened as it has opened my eyes even more, and makes it easier for me to let go. So thank HP.
I'll be OK.
Thank you for thinking of me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Oh Sesh. I'm so sorry. I actually sank a little in my chair, not from shock really, but just feeling the load of one more thing for you to process.
I wish I could somehow package up some actual strength for you. To bad we can't actually dip into it somewhere.
Sending you cyber thoughts.
I wish I could somehow package up some actual strength for you. To bad we can't actually dip into it somewhere.
Sending you cyber thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
sesh-
consider removing your other valuables, stocks, etc. and putting them in a safety deposit box?
i would also remove checkbooks, visa cards, bank statements, car log books. i think i told you mine stole my car and sold it because he had the log book.
i know you want to do the right thing and in this case, the right thing is not clear, but please take care of yourself. if this keeps up, you might have a nervous breakdown.
have you considered getting an apartment for him where he can drink himself to death without you and the children having a front row seat? i'm worried about the emotional damage to you, sesh.
naive
consider removing your other valuables, stocks, etc. and putting them in a safety deposit box?
i would also remove checkbooks, visa cards, bank statements, car log books. i think i told you mine stole my car and sold it because he had the log book.
i know you want to do the right thing and in this case, the right thing is not clear, but please take care of yourself. if this keeps up, you might have a nervous breakdown.
have you considered getting an apartment for him where he can drink himself to death without you and the children having a front row seat? i'm worried about the emotional damage to you, sesh.
naive
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by naive
sesh-
consider removing your other valuables, stocks, etc. and putting them in a safety deposit box?
i would also remove checkbooks, visa cards, bank statements, car log books. i think i told you mine stole my car and sold it because he had the log book.
i know you want to do the right thing and in this case, the right thing is not clear, but please take care of yourself. if this keeps up, you might have a nervous breakdown.
have you considered getting an apartment for him where he can drink himself to death without you and the children having a front row seat? i'm worried about the emotional damage to you, sesh.
naive
consider removing your other valuables, stocks, etc. and putting them in a safety deposit box?
i would also remove checkbooks, visa cards, bank statements, car log books. i think i told you mine stole my car and sold it because he had the log book.
i know you want to do the right thing and in this case, the right thing is not clear, but please take care of yourself. if this keeps up, you might have a nervous breakdown.
have you considered getting an apartment for him where he can drink himself to death without you and the children having a front row seat? i'm worried about the emotional damage to you, sesh.
naive
Niave has good suggestions IMHO.
Your sharing is providing me with insight I've not had before.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Naive, your idea is something I will think about. All my decisions are based on the best thing for my children. They've told me they think I did everything I could, but I'll speak about the idea of finding the flat for AH to them, and see how they feel about it. They know he is going to die, and I'll respect their wishes (not only what they say, but what I can see that they're really feeling). The thruth is kids don't see him at all, he is asleep when they leave for school, and than he gets up and goes out and doesn't come back in until they are asleep.
Thank you for worring about me, but as hard as this is I will be fine. I have walked the walk all the way to the end, I have bad moments, like this morning and most of today ( as the last night discovery really surprised me), but most of the time I am Ok. The AD are helping that very much, and the truth is I feel much, much better than I did in years, at least now everything is certain.
I did hide all the money and valubles, but I completely forgot about that box of jewelry I don't wear at all, and he was taking stuff from there, the fact is I don't even know for how long, and I wouldn't check now either if his friend didn't phone me last night and told me.
But now I know better. For now I took his house keys and told him he can come and sleep here but only when I'm home. I don't think he'll be coming home though any time soon, at least for a couple of days.
Thank you for worring about me, but as hard as this is I will be fine. I have walked the walk all the way to the end, I have bad moments, like this morning and most of today ( as the last night discovery really surprised me), but most of the time I am Ok. The AD are helping that very much, and the truth is I feel much, much better than I did in years, at least now everything is certain.
I did hide all the money and valubles, but I completely forgot about that box of jewelry I don't wear at all, and he was taking stuff from there, the fact is I don't even know for how long, and I wouldn't check now either if his friend didn't phone me last night and told me.
But now I know better. For now I took his house keys and told him he can come and sleep here but only when I'm home. I don't think he'll be coming home though any time soon, at least for a couple of days.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by sesh
Naive, your idea is something I will think about. All my decisions are based on the best thing for my children. They've told me they think I did everything I could, but I'll speak about the idea of finding the flat for AH to them, and see how they feel about it. They know he is going to die, and I'll respect their wishes (not only what they say, but what I can see that they're really feeling). The thruth is kids don't see him at all, he is asleep when they leave for school, and than he gets up and goes out and doesn't come back in until they are asleep.
Thank you for worring about me, but as hard as this is I will be fine. I have walked the walk all the way to the end, I have bad moments, like this morning and most of today ( as the last night discovery really surprised me), but most of the time I am Ok. The AD are helping that very much, and the truth is I feel much, much better than I did in years, at least now everything is certain.
Thank you for worring about me, but as hard as this is I will be fine. I have walked the walk all the way to the end, I have bad moments, like this morning and most of today ( as the last night discovery really surprised me), but most of the time I am Ok. The AD are helping that very much, and the truth is I feel much, much better than I did in years, at least now everything is certain.
There is serenity and comfort in "acceptance" and "letting go". Thank God/HP for that.
I like the idea of a, kind of, family meeting with the kids. It will offer them much comfort and some sense of control to be involved in a decision that will impact their lives.
That's the kind of parenting all us ACOA's wish we'd had back in our own childhoods.
I know you and your children will be O.K. once all this is behind you. Please keep sharing.
For someone who thought she had nothing to contribute, I do believe you were mistaken about that. I for one, am gaining much from your recovery, as I may be following soon.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
sesh-
we care about you. we don't want two victims of alcoholism here, one is more than enough! only you know what you can withstand but i would bet you ain't seen nothing yet. everytime i thought it couldn't get any worse, it did. mine crossed all boundaries of decency. this disease takes no prisoners.
i can not imagine the emotional toll on the children to watch their father drink himself to death. perhaps you can handle it, but can they?
i encourage you to solicit their input in this situation and get him off-site, should they so desire. children sometimes see things clearer than we do and have an innate wisdom. and they do see him, sesh, even if he's just passed out. they don't miss a thing, in my opinion.
we care about you. we don't want two victims of alcoholism here, one is more than enough! only you know what you can withstand but i would bet you ain't seen nothing yet. everytime i thought it couldn't get any worse, it did. mine crossed all boundaries of decency. this disease takes no prisoners.
i can not imagine the emotional toll on the children to watch their father drink himself to death. perhaps you can handle it, but can they?
i encourage you to solicit their input in this situation and get him off-site, should they so desire. children sometimes see things clearer than we do and have an innate wisdom. and they do see him, sesh, even if he's just passed out. they don't miss a thing, in my opinion.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Sesh))) - I'm sorry about the jewelry. I agree with ((Coyote)) - what you've shared here is helping me, a lot, with other situations. You and your family remain in my prayers.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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